


Silently

by Sliten



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Anal Sex, Discussion about having children, Domestic Violence, Dominant Kylo Ren, F/M, Forced Marriage, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Loss of Virginity, Naked Female Clothed Male, Older Man/Younger Woman, POV Alternating, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rey Palpatine, Rough Oral Sex, Sex Toys, Sexual Violence, Vaginal Sex, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:55:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 30
Words: 53,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25059598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sliten/pseuds/Sliten
Summary: “You are staying with Mr. Ren this summer,” is announced to her.She has no idea who that is. She has never even heard the name before.She knew better than to question it though. She knew it was from grandfather, announced to her by one of his advisers.She nods, “yes, sir,” even if she is a bit confused.She has always been with her grandfather. Ever since her parents died when she was a young girl she has been where he is. That grandfather is sending her away to stay with a man that she has never heard of before comes as a shock to her, but she doesn’t question it, she doesn’t argue. She knows better than that.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 274
Kudos: 969





	1. Chapter 1

“You are staying with Mr. Ren this summer,” is announced to her.

She has no idea who that is. She has never even heard the name before.

She knew better than to question it though. She knew it was from grandfather, announced to her by one of his advisers.

She nods, “yes, sir,” even if she is a bit confused.

She has always been with her grandfather. Ever since her parents died when she was a young girl she has been where he is. That grandfather is sending her away to stay with a man that she has never heard of before comes as a shock to her, but she doesn’t question it, she doesn’t argue. She knows better than that.

Her bags are already packed and just minutes after she’s on her way.

Not thinking about why grandfather is suddenly sending her away, makes it better. It’s not for her to think about. Grandfather knows best. He decides what is best for her. She knows this. She still can’t help but feel a bit nervous.

Grandfather obviously trusts this man, Mr. Ren, since he is sending her to stay with him. She knows that Mr. Ren is in charge of her now. She has to follow his rules, like she follows grandfather’s rules.

It’s not common that men send their wards into the care of other men. It happens, but she knows it’s not common. She wonders why. She hasn’t done anything wrong. She has abided by the rules, as far as grandfather knows.

She is getting older. She just turned seventeen. Maybe it is to prepare her for when she’s wed.

Men can have different rules. Different ways they run their households. Maybe staying with Mr. Ren for the summer is a way to prepare her for when she’s sent off to her future husband, so she knows how to more easily adapt to the changes for when she’s married.

It is quite different from what she’s used to. She’s taken to what has to be a summer house, close to the beach, far from any neighbors, far away from everything really. She is used to living in a mansion in the center of the capitol, not that she gets out much.

She will adapt to this change, is what she thinks upon entering the house. Or that is until she’s met with several men, large and muscular, all dressed in black.

Her eyes widen. She has never been alone in a room with this many men.

“Mr. Ren?” she squeaks. Her voice is sounding foreign to her, weak and scared in a way it has never been before.

Some of the men shakes their heads, some shrugs and other look at her with narrow eyes, seeming hostile. Apparently, none of them are the man grandfather sent her to stay with.

“Palpatine?” a man finally steps into view. He looks different from the others, not so intimidating.

She nods, still a bit weary and taken aback by the other men’s reaction to her presence.

“Mr. Ren is out for the moment,” he gestures towards the staircase, “I can show you to your room.”

He seems friendly, none threatening, the man that show her to her room. She still doesn’t relax. She doesn’t know who he is, he is certainly not Mr. Ren, he behaves more like a servant than a man grandfather would entrust her with.

“I’m Poe,” he finally says after helping her unpack her things.

“Miss Palpatine,” she replies, even if that’s obviously her name.

He smiles, “I work for Mr. Ren,” he continues.

That explains why he is there, and why he has showed her to her room and helped her unpack. She does however still don’t understand why she was met with several men when she entered the house.

“Who are the others?” she asks. Normally she wouldn’t be that forward, she wouldn’t question a man’s presence anywhere, but now she feels the need to know who they are since there was several of them in the house when she arrived.

“Mr. Ren’s Knights,” he responds. He says it in a way that makes it seems like it should be universal knowledge, and it makes her not ask any further questions. She knows better than to question anything a man says with conviction.

That is the way of the world. Their way of life.

It was her grandfather’s doing. He was the creator, the architect. He had created the world they lived in.

He had been a senator for years, and then he was elected president.

He was elected by the people. Chosen to be their leader on a platform of making their way of life great again. They put their trust in him, believed that he would make it better. Most people had been struggling for years, unable to make ends meet. Poorly educated and with a clear distrust of the elite that they believed had been profiting of their misfortunes.

No one put emphasis that her grandfather was part of the elite, he was always depicted as a man of the people. He was the man that was going to lead the way. He was going to make it better.

It was just minor things at first. He put down anyone that spoke against him, accused them of lying and of fabricating stories. Over time more and more people believed that what he was saying was the truth.

Then came the changes to the laws. He was allowed to remain as the president for longer than legally allowed at the time. He made changes to the government. His word became the law without question. Those who spoke against him were first depicted as liars, then they started disappearing if they didn’t comply with his beliefs.

In the end no one dared speak against him in fear of what would happen to them and their families.

Then, when he had the ultimate control, he crowned himself Emperor.

The changes he made changed the society. The free world they had been living in was gone.

Women became property. Wards of their father until they were old enough to marry, and then they became property of their husbands.

They had given names, only used within the family, but to the world they used the man that was their keepers name.

She was Miss Sheev Palpatine. The ward of her grandfather. Her given name long forgotten by those around her. But she remembered. It was one of the few things she remembered from before. Her name was Rey. Her parents called her that. They were long gone, they died years ago, but she still remembered the name they had given her.

Rey didn’t remember the world that was before. She didn’t know the freedom they had before. She didn’t know that her life could have been very different if her grandfather hadn’t been granted the power he had now.

She still knew more than most women due to her curiosity as a child.

She always wanted to know how things worked. It could be small things, like how the timer Mrs. Kanata, her governess, used to set when she was boiling eggs for Rey’s breakfast worked. Rey picked it apart to look at the mechanisms inside. To larger things, less comprehensible things, worked. Like the laws in their country.

She didn’t understand why she was kept inside. Why she was only allowed out of the house to go to school, and why her friends at school were picked beforehand by her grandfather. She accepted it. She lived by his rules. But sometimes she didn’t understand why some things, just innocent things like her talking to a girl at school that was outside of her circle of friends was not allowed, and she was chastised for it. After several small infractions like that she stopped questioning it, she stopped fighting it. Her grandfather set the rules that she was to follow, and she did.

She was still curious, she still questioned things and investigated them, she just stopped doing it in the open, she started hiding it.

Over time she did learn some things. Things she wasn’t supposed to know.

She tried not to think about that, the things she had learned. It was too crude, to obscene. It was not the things a woman should know. So she shoved it back in her mind, tried to forget that she ever learned such things, and she lived by grandfather’s rules. 

That is why she doesn’t question grandfather’s decision to send her to the man she has never heard of before. That is why she doesn’t react when she’s met with several men that is not him when she was escorted into his house. She knows it’s not for her to question.

It is grandfather’s will that she stays with this man for the summer. Grandfather has entrusted him with her, she is under his care. She is not to voice her questions regarding any of the rules he sets, she can of course question it in her mind, but never out loud.

So strange men that barely acknowledges her presence when she enters the house, and when she later in the evening joins them for dinner is not for her to question. 

She knows that none of these men will do to her what she knows men can do to women based on the knowledge she has acquired. She is the Emperor’s granddaughter and he has entrusted Mr. Ren with her care for the time being. Any offense to her would be a direct offense to the Emperor and Mr. Ren, so no matter how hostile the men are, barely acknowledging her she knows that they won’t hurt her and they certainly won’t take her purity.

Poe, the man that helped her get settled in, serves them dinner. Her and six men that doesn’t look at her, they don’t acknowledge her presence. It strengthens her belief that Poe is a servant and that she is not truly a welcomed guest amongst the men that Poe said was Mr. Ren’s Knights.

After the plate is placed before her, she looks towards the head of the table. The master of the house’s place, but he is not there. The men start eating as soon as food is placed before them. She is hungry. It’s been a long day and she hasn’t eaten since breakfast. It’s not the manner in which she has be thought. She always to wait for the master of the house for dinner. When he eats, she eat, and when he’s finished, she is finished. That is that her grandfather has thought her.

She can’t touch the food on her plate. It’s impossible for her to take a bite without the master of the house eating too. Their master not being present doesn’t seem to bother the men at the table, they start eating, and soon devours all the food placed before them without any concern for their master being present for dinner.

She looks down at her plate. No matter how hungry she is she can’t eat.

Grandfather was almost always there for dinner, and when he couldn’t make it he always sent word with permission that she could have dinner by herself, Mr. Ren has sent no word of that, so she can’t eat no matter how hungry she is.


	2. Chapter 2

She barely slept that night. Her new bedroom was spacious, the bed was comfortable, there was nothing wrong with it. The space was just foreign to her, she didn’t feel comfortable in it.

Maybe today will be better, maybe she will get used to the change in routine she thinks as she takes a seat in the dining room for breakfast.

To think that breakfast would be served at the time she was used to was a mistake she realizes after sitting there for at least ten minutes by herself.

She is used to a very strict schedule. Mr. Ren obviously doesn’t keep a schedule, he wasn’t even there on her first day, and he has left no instructions for his staff. Which also means he has left no instructions for her. Now she doesn’t know what to do.

She is used to having breakfast with her governess, then she’s off to school, if it’s a day where there is no school her governess usually tutors her in subjects that a girl of her standing should know but that the school doesn’t cover. She gets one hour of free time a day, which she usually spends reading a book, the selection of books she is allowed to read are pre-approved by grandfather of course, and after dinner with grandfather in the evening she takes a bath before she goes to bed.

It has been like that for years, the same routine, everything in order. Now everything is in disarray.

She has to eat. Her stomach is hurting from not eating since breakfast the day before. She has never prepared a meal herself before, but she has watched her governess do it many times, so she thinks she will be able to do it as long as she finds the kitchen.

“Good morning, Miss Palpatine,” Poe, the servant, appears before her as she is walking down a long hallway on the ground floor in search for the kitchen. “Anything I can help you with?”

“Ehm..” she swallows, “the kitchen?” she replies. She is not sure if she’s even allowed to wander the house or go into the kitchen at all.

He gestures for her to follow him. “Whatever you want we can prepare for you,” he says after leading her into a large kitchen located at the end of the long hallway. He gestures towards a young woman, not much older than Rey, that is currently peeling potatoes over the sink. She looks up, her eyes going wide at the sight of Rey, then she bows her head.

“I’m good with anything,” Rey replies, she doesn’t want to be a burden or disrupt their schedule. Poe nods to the girl, “please make Miss Palpatine some breakfast,” he says, a smile gracing his features.

It’s so good. Rey devours the meal that is placed before her. It is a bit strange eating in the kitchen with two servants watching her every move. They try to be inconspicuous about it, tries to act like they don’t find it strange that she is having her breakfast in the kitchen. She should have requested that it was served to her in the dining room. She is probably breaking some rule, but she is so hungry that she doesn’t care, and it’s nice to have some company while she eats even if they don’t speak.

“May I ask,” Poe clears his throat, “was there anything wrong with dinner last night?”

“No,” she shakes her head. The meal last night did look very good.

His eyes flicker between her and the floor, like he is afraid to look at her for longer than absolutely necessary, “I apologize for enquiring, you barley touched it is all,” he looks over to the young lady that is back to her task of peeling potatoes, “we are more than happy to adjust the menu to suit your tastes, ma’am.”

“No,” Rey shakes her head, a bit more vigorously this time. “It looked like a very good meal,” she looks between Poe and the young woman, “I’m sure everything you prepare will taste good,” she pauses, “the head of the household wasn’t there,” she says, hoping that the servant understands.

Poe does seem to understand, his eyebrows raising a bit, before he nods, “I will speak with Mr. Ren.”

“No,” Rey’s voice goes up a few octaves. The last thing she want is to burden Mr. Ren with something as trivial as that. He runs his household different from grandfather. She has to get used to that. Mr. Ren shouldn’t have to deal with her not being able to adapt to his way of doing things.

~*~

“I think Miss Palpatine needs some clear instructions.”

Poe knows how to behave. He knows how he has to act. He knows his place in society. He is a servant. He became a servant after the great revolution.

That’s what it was referred to, Sheev Palpatine taking power and changing their way of life forever, the great revolution.

Poe remembered how it was before. He remembered the freedom.

Now he still by some miracle has managed to keep some of it, even if he was a servant.

It was the man before him that had done that. He had in a way saved Poe.

Poe was on a path leading straight to the gallows. He was part of the resistance. He fought the changes, the new laws. And he did so to the bitter end. When resistance became futile. When anyone who fought against it was arrested and executed for treason. Poe still fought and he, like the rest of them, was arrested. He was sure his life would end after that, but instead of being brought before a firing squad he was brought before the mighty Kylo Ren.

At the time Poe thought that was actually worse than being executed. Kylo Ren was unpredictable. He was at the top, one of the newly crowned Emperor’s most trusted men. And Poe had history with him. As young boys they were friends. Their parents were close, and they used to play together when they were children. Their lives had taken very different turns after that. They had ended up on different sides in the revolution. And they hadn’t seen each other for years until Poe was brought before him after his arrest.

He expected torture and a slow death after he saw the man that was once upon a time his friend again. Instead Kylo Ren made a very unexpected move, he spared Poe’s life and made him his servant. It took some time getting used to, having to wait on and serve his old friend. But after a while Poe experienced a sort of freedom in his new role. Kylo even let Poe take a wife. She didn’t have any other prospects; her family was very poor. Poe marrying her gave her a chance to survive, gave her family a chance. It wasn’t out of love, it wasn’t a romantic connection between them, she was very young and his only intention at the time was to help her.

It wasn’t what he had imagined when he thought about marriage. But over time, when she was older, it had developed into more, and he was in a happy relationship. In a way Poe was happy with his life, it’s not how he ever wanted it to turn out, but he had a good life compared to many others.

“She’ll manage.”

Poe snorts and shakes his head. A servant would normally never act like that with his master. But Kylo let him speak his mind, only in private of course, and Poe felt comfortable speaking his mind to him.

Poe sighs, “you can’t ignore her forever.”

“She’ll go back home again soon,” Kylo responds flatly. He’s obviously not interested in what Poe has to say, or the granddaughter of the Emperor being left in his care.

“He sent her here for a reason,” Poe’s brows furrow, “she’s not a girl anymore, she is becoming a woman. The Emperor probably want to marry her off,” he pauses, gauging his master and old friend, “and I can’t think of a better match for her than you.”

Kylo scoffs, “don’t you have something to attend to that doesn’t involve pissing me off,” he gives Poe an angry stare.

~*~

She though it was a test, or some sort of training for when she would eventually be sent off to her future husband, but she has misinterpreted the situation. That is very clear to her when she enters the dining room that night. She thought that she would finally be greeted by the allusive Mr. Ren, but she is met by her grandfather, leaning back in a chair with a glass of wine in his hand.

She has been there for two weeks. She has tried to assimilate, to adjust to the change in routine. She has even become somewhat friendly with Mr. Ren’s Knights, not the most talkative bunch, but at least they no longer look at her with outright hostility.

However, she has yet to meet Mr. Ren. She has gotten the impression that he’s there, that he has been somewhere in the house, that he has met with both Poe and his Knights, but she has yet to meet him. With grandfather there she knows he will most likely make an appearance tonight.

“I trust that you have been treated well, child,” he says upon her entering the room.

“Yes, sir,” she replies, bowing her head.

“Ahh, Kylo, my boy, it’s been too long,” grandfather exclaims, his tone going softer, more friendly, than when he greeted her.

“Emperor,” a deep baritone sounds from behind her, “it’s a pleasure welcoming you to my home.”

“I trust that my granddaughter has been on her best behavior,” grandfather says.

“Yes, she is very well-behaved,” the owner of the deep voice moves past her, she keeps her head bowed not daring to look up.

“Wonderful,” grandfather replies, “then I don’t think you will mind what I’ve come here to propose,” he takes a sip of his wine, a large gulp, “she will make you a good wife, Kylo. She will give you children that will carry on our legacy,” Grandfather pauses then chuckles, “I will of course let you try her before you agree to take her as your wife.”

“Thank you, sir,” the deep baritone replies.

Rey keeps her head down, scared to do anything wrong, scared to look at the owner of the unfamiliar deep voice, that she knows is Mr. Ren.

“I trust that you keep her virginity intact, just incase she’s not to your satisfaction.”

“Of course, sir,” Mr. Ren replies before he moves past her, exiting the room.

“Child,” grandfather says, making Rey look up again, “you have a duty to me and to my legacy,” she nods as his eyes bore into her’s, “make him happy.”


	3. Chapter 3

The room is dark, but he can make out the shadow of his master’s figure in the chair behind the desk.

“Does the Emperor require anything else?” Poe asks.

The Emperor showed up unexpectedly. Poe wasn’t prepared, neither was the rest of the staff, so he needs to make sure that they make the best of it with what they have. 

“He has left,” Kylo announces.

Poe takes a deep breath, feeling like he has dodged a bullet.

“He’ll be back,” Kylo continues, “his granddaughter is to be my wife.”

Poe suspected that, he had just hoped for her sake that it didn’t happen so soon.

She wasn’t a little girl anymore; she was becoming a woman. But she was still a teenager. A teenager that had lived a very sheltered life. She was just a kid when her grandfather took power, she probably remembered very little of how life was before, if she remembered anything at all. She hadn’t been taught to think for herself, everything she knew had been carefully selected and fed to her as absolute truths.

“She is still very young,” Poe says. He knows it’s probably futile, but the girl could do with being a few years older before she has to take on the duties expected of her as Kylo Ren’s wife.

“She’s older than your wife was when you married her,” Kylo spits.

“You know I didn’t touch her until she was ready,” Poe counters.

Normally, admitting that his wife remained a virgin long after their wedding is not something he would do. Women are to be deflowered on their wedding day. But Poe didn’t do that. When he married her, he had no intention of ever sleeping with her. He just wanted to give her a chance at a better life, or as good as it could be under the circumstances. Their relationship becoming intimate happened only after she initiated it, and that was years after they exchanged their vows. 

Kylo scoffs, “I’ve been allowed to try her before I agree to marry her.”

Kylo Ren had power. He was one of the few men the Emperor trusted and listened to. But Kylo didn’t have much of a choice when it came to the Emperor offering Kylo his granddaughter’s hand in marriage. Even Kylo Ren can’t refuse an offer like that.

“You don’t have to do it,” Poe says, referring to taking the girl to bed. He knows the marriage will happen, but Kylo can do as Poe did and leave her be until she is ready, or at least wait until he has to on their wedding night.

Kylo doesn’t respond, he just moves from behind his desk towards the door.

“Ben,” Poe says, regretting it the moment the name leaves his lips.

He knows better than that.

He knows that trying to plead with his master by using the name given to him at birth is not a good idea. The man Kylo was before is not there anymore. Poe thinks that he can sometimes see fragments of it, of Ben, but he is always proven wrong. Kylo Ren always went out of his way to prove that everything from the past was gone, dead, and that included the man he was before.

His master is moving towards him fast, his hand wrapping around Poe’s neck, “she will be my wife,” the grip around Poe’s throat is tightening, “And I will take the old man up on his offer and try her out,” something sounding almost like a chuckle leaves him, “I won’t fuck her precious cunt now of course, I’ll save that for when she’s legally mine.”

~*~

She knows he will come to her. If not tonight, he will find her some other time. And he will do what grandfather offered him.

She doesn’t know how to prepare for that. She guesses that she can’t prepare because she doesn’t know exactly what will happen.

In school they were told that on their wedding night their husband would take their virginity. They would have to lay naked on a bed with their husband on top of them, their husband would then put his penis inside of their vagina, and they would bleed the first time. For women of a higher standing, like Rey, witnesses to the act was required to ensure that the marriage was consummated and that she was a virgin, pure, before her husband. Rey had always known that was in her future. She knew that her husband would do that to her not only on her wedding night, but as often as he deemed it necessary. It was her duty as a wife, and it was also the act that would produce children.

Make him happy, grandfather had told her.

Grandfather also told Mr. Ren to keep her virginity intact, but that he could try her. She knew that meant he couldn’t put his penis inside her vagina. She also knew that there are other things he can do without taking her virginity.

She wasn’t supposed to know this. She was only supposed to know how it worked when her husband took her virginity.

But she knows more than that, or she at least thinks she does.

After the lesson where they were told what would happen on their wedding night, a lesson where every young girl in class sported a light blush on their cheeks, some of the girls in her circle of friends continued talking about the subject.

They were all girls from prominent families. They were all raised in a similar manner, and they most likely had similar futures ahead of them. Talking about what they had learned in class, and something they would all experience, was normal. They did that often.

What was not so normal was the turn the conversation took. Some of the girls obviously knew more than what the teachers had told them.

Men had needs, putting his penis inside his wife’s vagina covered that need, it felt good for him. But he could also do other things with his penis, he could make her touch it, or put it in her mouth, and that would give him the same good feeling as putting it in her vagina.

She also knew this from other sources, books she wasn’t supposed to have, that she had come upon by accident. It was a story from a different time, from the perspective of a boy. The boy had a way with words, with describing feelings. It was written so beautifully, even the parts that were filled with sadness, with anger and despair.

The books were how she knew that touching the penis felt good for the man. She thought the entry about the penis touching was crude, it made her blush to think of. It shocked her, but not as much as another entry depicting that some men would take a woman’s purity without it being their right, just because they had a need they wanted to satisfy.

Those were usually the parts she skipped when she read the books.

She is glad that she is safe, that she won’t meet men like the boy described in the book.

She will marry a man chosen by her grandfather. Now Mr. Ren has to decide if he wants her. She must do what he wants; she can’t disappoint. Grandfather will be very disappointed in her if Mr. Ren rejects her, she is sure of it.

When she hears the door to her bedroom open later that night, after she has gone to bed, she feels relief run through her. It’s better that it happens now, that she doesn’t have to wait for it, not knowing when it’s coming.

She sits up, eyes roaming over the figure that has entered the room.

He’s tall, massive, with a large chest and broad shoulders. She though the Knights were tall and muscly, but this is something else. Even with the black suit covering his body, and the dimmed lights from the hallway the only source of light before he closes the door, she can clearly tell that this man is huge.

“Turn on the light,” he says, something she complies with immediately, turning on the light on her bedside table. He sits down at the side of her bed, the soft light from the lamp giving her the first opportunity to get a good look at him.

He has a strong profile, his nose prominent, his lips look soft, full. His hair dark, flowing almost down to his shoulders, framing his face. The dark color of his hair gave a stark contrast to his light complexion. 

As far as looks goes, he’s handsome. He looks strong. He looks like a man that can protect her, and also destroy her, break her in half if he wants to.

She knows he won’t actually harm her. But even with that knowledge he still frightens her a bit.

“Take off your clothes,” he says, his tone gruff. It’s a command.

She complies, getting out of bed and standing before him, letting her nightgown and panties fall to the floor. Her cheeks are burning. She has never been naked in front of a man before. She has never had dark eyes roam her body, inspecting her in her most vulnerable form.

His eyes linger upon her chest, her small perky breasts, then they go down over her abdomen, and linger once more at the small patch of hair between her legs.

“Have you touched yourself before?” he asks.

Her brows furrow, she has of course touched her own body before, she does it every day when she washes. So she doesn’t understand why he asks; everyone obviously washes themselves.

His eyes roam her face, her confused expression, he doesn’t say anything, he just reaches out, his large hands on her hips as he pulls her down to straddle his thighs.

Her legs are open, her core exposed, her vagina just above his crotch. She feels panic rising in her. He can’t touch her there. Grandfather said not to take her virginity now, they have to wait until they are married.

He takes a deep breath, taking her hand and placing it between her legs, “do you feel that?” he guides her fingers to the small nub at the top of her vagina, lets them rub over it. It feels strange.

She nods.

“Have you touched yourself like that before?” he asks.

She shakes her head, “no,” it comes out like a whisper. She is scared of saying or doing anything wrong.

The corners of his mouth twitches, almost like his lips is about to turn up into a smile.

He reaches into his pocket retrieving a small bottle with a clear liquid inside, it looks like some sort of lotion, only the consistency, she learns when he puts some drops of it on her fingers, is more watery.

It feels different with the lotion, it’s smoother than when her fingers were rubbing the dry skin.

“How does it feel?” he asks, his tone deep and husky, as he watches her rub two of her fingers against the small nub.

“Ehh..” she hesitates. It feels strange, but also good. It’s like the movement of her fingers against the nub is sending sparks of a something she has never felt before through the surrounding flesh, the more she rubs it also makes the muscles in the surrounding area clench. She leans forward, head resting against chest, she is trying to hide her face, “it feels good,” she whispers. She’s almost scared to say it, she doesn’t know if that is the right answer.

His hands are on her back, stroking down towards her backside. “Good,” he breathes as his hands cup the cheeks of her butt. She feels relieved at her answer being correct, something that is quickly replaced with panic when she feels his fingers dip between the cheeks of her butt.

That’s where… that he touches her there is disgusting.

“Relax,” he pushes a slick finger against the tight ring of muscle, “it will hurt if you don’t.”

She tries to relax, she tries to breathe, it just feels so strange, so unnatural that he’s pushing his fingers into her there. He’s obviously not going to stop, even if it will hurt if she’s not relaxed, she realizes when he has pushed two fingers inside and are moving them in and out of her.

She just wants it to be over, so she lets out a breath of relief when he removes his fingers after pushing them into her for what seemed like a very long time.

But Mr. Ren is not done, far from it.

His hands are at the front of his pants, unfastening his belt. She knows that his penis is located between his legs. She has never seen one, and never had what a penis looks like described to her, so she has no idea what to expect when he pulls it out from its confinement.

Her eyes widen. It’s big, hard, standing up like a pole between them. The skin on it is flushed, a darker, more reddish, color than his complexion. It wet at the tip, small droplets of a clear fluid leaking from it.

It’s longer and the girth wider than what she could have ever imagined. She always thought it would be smaller, something that would fit inside her. This looks like it won’t ever fit inside the canal of her vagina.

He strokes it with his hand, coating it with more of the clear lotion, then his hands are at her hips lifting her up, so her core hovers over it.

_No, no, no!_ she screams inside her mind.

He can’t put it inside her vagina until they are married, and the only other option located back there, where he just had his fingers, it won’t fit in there.

But Mr. Ren seems confident that it will since he pushes the tip of it inside.

Her muscles are stretching to make room as he slowly lowers her down on his penis. But as she predicted there is not enough room, her muscles are tense, fighting the intrusion, and it hurts.

She tries to breathe, tries to relax. He said it wouldn’t hurt if she relaxed.

He’s holding her in place, one arm around her, pushing her towards him and his penis, the other gripping her thigh. His thumb finds its way to the small nub, and he starts rubbing.

“Move your hips,” he instructs. And she does. 

She feels so full, unnaturally full, but the movement of her hips, his penis slightly moving in and out of her makes it better. And that, combined with her focus on her breathing, makes her muscles loosen more.

He makes a sound, like a groan, only slightly more high-pitched. It sounds like he likes it.

“You’re so wet,” his thumb strokes over her folds before he turns his attention to rubbing the nub again, “you like this.”

He’s right. She is wet. Not just from the clear lotion. Her inner thighs are coated in a wet clear substance, similar to the lotion, but it can’t be from that, he didn’t use that much. Her vagina is completely soaked in it too.

He continues rubbing, the good feeling from before is back, only this time the feeling is getting more intense. Her body is trembling, she’s having trouble catching her breath, a high-pitched whine leaves her lips as her back arches when the muscles inside her starts convulsing.

She feels lightheaded, seeing starts, as the feeling dies down.

“That felt good, didn’t it?” he asks. He is the one moving her now, hands on her hips, moving his penis inside her.

“Yes, sir,” she replies, slightly out of breath, as she clings on to him while his motions into her accelerates in pace.

He groans, “you’ll be a obedient girl for me, and do as I tell you, won’t you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good girl,” his hand delivers a light smack to her butt, “I bet fucking your tight little cunt will feel just as good as this, if not better.”

She has no idea what he is talking about, but she will agree with anything he says. “Yes, sir,” she whimpers, feeling a bit overwhelmed at all the new sensations.


	4. Chapter 4

“You can’t be serious,” Poe exclaims.

As Kylo’s servant, Poe has seen and heard a lot of things. He has catered to Kylo’s every whim. But this was just taking it too far. “She can’t be clean-shaven on the wedding night,” Poe continues. It’s the only thing he can think of to get Kylo to reconsider his ridiculous request.

“Palpatine will be back later this week to discuss the terms, and the wedding will take time to plan, it will have grown back by then,” Kylo responds. His expression hasn’t changed, he hasn’t changed his mind.

Girls did know how to shave. Even under the new regime some of the old beauty standards still remained. It was usually just armpits and legs, most of them would probably never even think about shaving their private parts.

“You’re not supposed to touch her there before the wedding,” Poe says, again trying to find a way to get Kylo to reconsider.

Kylo’s lips turn up into a smile, “The Emperor gave his permission, so I can touch as long as I don’t take her virginity until we’re married,” he pauses, a smug expression gracing his features, “there are plenty of things I can do that doesn’t involve putting something inside of her cunt.”

Poe knew Kylo had ‘tried her’, as Kylo put it, last night. Poe didn’t need to know what Kylo had done to her, he didn’t want to know. He just hoped that Kylo went easy on her, didn’t overwhelm her, which was very likely to happen due to the girl’s limited knowledge about sex.

“I expect it to be done by the end of the day.”

Honestly, Poe wants to tell Kylo to shove his personal preferences of a clean-shaven pussy somewhere the sun doesn’t shine.

Kylo doesn’t have to have sex with her. He doesn’t have to get her to shave.

He doesn’t have to touch her at all. Kylo only have to have sex with her on their wedding night, since witnesses to the act is required because of their status in society. But other than that one time, he can choose to leave her alone.

Like every totalitarian regime before them, they do have their vices.

Officially, things like strip clubs, porn and brothels no longer exist. Sex exists only within a marriage.

It’s not because of some twisted interpretation of religion. It’s just an old man’s power hunger. It’s just to control the masses, stripping women of their rights, implementing a hierarchy where those who are loyal can earn a higher standing, and everyone else is just there to serve them.

But in reality, all of those things that have been abolished still exists, but only for the men that is a part of the elite.

It’s a double standard, the men of the elite can get their rocks off whatever way they desire, but the women they marry have to stay pure for their husbands.

Poe has never seen a woman around Kylo, not since they were teenagers, and there is no way Kylo has been celibate for years, so he knows Kylo have been to those places.

He feels sorry for the women there too, but Kylo satisfying his urges there does somehow seem so much better than him taking an innocent girl to bed.

She really is innocent. Her education is very limited, just another way to ensure control. And after seeing how she behaves, Poe is sure that the control, the brainwashing, have been very successful.

No matter what Poe felt, what he thought, there was nothing he could do about it. He had to follow his master’s instruction. He had to tell a teenage girl that she had to shave her private parts.

This had to be the most embarrassing thing he ever had to do.

She would probably wonder why.

She was indoctrinated in the rules of the regime. She knew not to question a man. But Poe was a servant, essentially a slave, so even with her being a woman, she was the granddaughter of the Emperor and Kylo Ren’s future wife, Poe was below her in the societal hierarchy. She can question what he says, and she probably will. And what if she asked how to do it, there was no way he was going to explain that to her.

Poe doesn’t feel entirely comfortable about it, but this is clearly a case where it’s better that a woman delivers the message, so he can’t think of anything other than asking his wife to tell Miss Palpatine.

~*~

Mr. Ren did things she hadn’t know of before. He said things she hadn’t heard before. Her body reacted in a way she had never experienced before.

Rey had so many questions. So many things she was wondering about.

She knows she won’t get all the answers to her questions right away. She knows that in time she will learn, that she will become a good wife to him, if he’ll have her.

She hopes that he is pleased with her. She hopes that he will tell grandfather that he wants her as his wife.

It did feel a bit uncomfortable the next day. Mostly when she was sitting. It wasn’t painful, and she would probably get used to it. His penis was to go inside her vagina too, on their wedding night. That would probably be a similar feeling. It’s better that she knows now that it might be a bit uncomfortable, so it doesn’t take her by surprise.

She spends all morning thinking about it, what happened last night and what will happen once she is married, then suddenly there is a knock on her bedroom door and the young woman from the kitchen enters.

“Ma’am,” her voice is soft, she seems sweet, her movements slow, gentle. “I’ve been told to tell you to shave.”

Rey’s eyebrows raise, she is surprised. Never before has a servant said anything like that to her. And she did shave, just two days ago.

“Mr. Ren requests that you shave your…” the girl swallows, blushing, “your private parts, ma’am.”

Rey feels her face get hot, she’s blushing too, “Oh,” she squeaks, utterly mortified.

The girl’s eyes meet Rey’s briefly before she looks down at the floor again, “I’ve been told to assist you if you require it.”

Rey has never shaved her vagina before, it was usually just her armpits and her legs, and she didn’t do that often, only once in a while.

“Have you done it before?” Rey asks. She won’t ask for help with such an intimate task, just the thought of that horrifies her, but maybe some guidance before she gets to it will be good.

“Uhm, no, ma’am,” she mutters, her face red like a tomato, “but my husband explained, so I could tell you.”

Oh, she was married. Rey shouldn’t be surprised, but she is. Women who are married usually didn’t work, or they worked alongside their husband if they were servants.

“Who is your husband?” Rey asks.

“Dameron, ma’am.”

Rey’s brows furrow in confusion, she hasn’t heard of a servant by the name of Dameron.

“He goes by Poe,” the girl clarifies, a hint of a smile at her lips, “Mr. Ren and my husband are old friends, so they call each other by their given names, and Mr. Ren allows my husband to use his given name in public too.”

The girls seem proud of that. Proud that her husband has a close relationship with their master.

Rey on the other hand is confused. If Poe is an old friend of Mr. Ren, why is he a servant?

“Are you allowed to go by your given name too?” Rey asks.

“No, but my husband uses it, he also calls me his beautiful flower.” As soon as the words has left her, she gasps, her hand quickly raising to cover her mouth.

That was too personal coming from a servant. Rey knows it too. Servants are only to speak when spoken to, and only when it’s necessary that they deliver a message are they allowed to speak without it being a response to their master. Servants divulging details about themselves is not normal. Rey has never experienced that before.

Instead of reacting to the highly unusual turn the conversation has taken, Rey asks, “what is your given name?”

She’s curious. Curious if the girl will tell her. Rey wouldn’t. Women’s given names are only to be used within the family, so the only person she’ll tell, and that is after they’re married and if he asks, is Mr. Ren.

“Rose,” the girl replies, whispering.

For the first time since she’s been there, Rey smiles, a genuine smile, “that is a beautiful name.”

~*~

“Miss Palpatine asked my wife what cunt means,” Poe tries not to grimace as he says it. He has never been prude. He had what he considered a normal attitude towards sex before, he used that terminology, and he did explore.

Now he is more reserved, he is conscious about how he speaks about sex and how he approaches it. Girls, like Miss Palpatine and Rose, are told about sex in very clinical terms. There is no mention of lust or passion, or usage of crude words to describe body parts or the act itself.

Kylo chuckles.

Poe narrows his eyes, “it’s not funny,” he grits out, annoyed at his master’s reaction.

Kylo smirks, “It is.”

Poe shakes his head, “If you are going to use terminology like that, at least explain to her what it means, and that it’s only something to be used when you are alone.”

Kylo should know better. He shouldn’t use terms he knows the girl won’t understand. Of course she’ll wonder.

Poe should never have allowed them to be alone.

The girls had barely spoken before. But they are close in age so they probably enjoyed talking and each other’s company, once they got over the initial awkwardness, which they apparently did very quickly since Miss Palpatine had asked Rose what a cunt is.

Kylo snorts after a few moments of silence, “haven’t you ever told your wife that she has a sweet pussy, or something along those lines?”

Poe blushes, “no,” he says firmly.

He knew he could. He knew he could teach Rose those kinds of words.

He also knew he could introduce her to different sexual acts than just the missionary position, and he had done that to an extent. He knew she didn’t know about the pleasure a woman could experience the first time they slept together. He introduced her to that, and a few other positions, but nothing too crazy. He did that because he wanted her to enjoy it, he wanted her to feel pleasure.

He always made sure to explain and not just do it without her knowing exactly what was happening. But he had never used any other terms than those she already knew.

Kylo leans back in his chair, rolling his eyes, “it wasn’t my decision to make it so clinical,” he pauses, sighing, “you know their education, and not just on the subject of sex, is limited. Honestly, I don’t think we are going to have an uprising on our hands if girls know what cunt and pussy means.”

Kylo was part of Palpatine’s inner circle, he attended all the policy decision meetings and briefings. He might not be the one ultimately responsible for all the laws implemented under Palpatine’s rule, but he had a say, and he could be held accountable for his involvement.

Poe shakes his head, huffing, “probably not,” he pauses, “you will still have successfully created a world where most people are inferior to the elite, and where women have no rights,” he scoffs, “congratulations.”

Kylo stands up, nostrils flaring, “careful,” he growls, narrowing his eyes at Poe, “you know I can punish you.”

Poe bows his head, “yes, sir.”

In the beginning when Poe had trouble adapting to his new life, he frequently ended up on the receiving end of Kylo’s punishments. Kylo had no trouble doling out corporal punishment for any infraction he decided was punishable, even if Poe was an old friend.

It had been years since the last time that happened.

Over time Poe had become comfortable in his new life, and Kylo allowed him more freedom. When they were alone Poe could speak his mind, and they could have good conversations. Sometimes it felt like before, it felt like they were just friends who had known each other for years, they could talk and laugh, and speak their mind without reservation. But Kylo being his master, and having all the power over him, was always in the back of his mind.

Kylo has him on a leash, he allows Poe to speak his mind, but that is only until Poe says something Kylo doesn’t want to hear. Poe never knows what Kylo will tolerate.

Poe isn’t eager to go back to the way things were in the beginning, he didn’t fear it for himself, but he has Rose to think about now too. Usually Poe decides it’s not worth it, talking back to him. It won’t make a difference anyway. However, he does know that one day he probably won’t be able to stop himself. It was really only a matter of time before he said something that Kylo would deem worthy of some sort of physical punishment, and that he would actually do it, not just use it as a threat.


	5. Chapter 5

She thought it would be just one time, one time before they were married that Mr. Ren would come into her room. But he was there again, standing in front of her, telling her to undress.

She saw it coming when she was asked to remove the hair on her vagina, he would never want her to do that if he wasn’t going to inspect the result himself.

She is sure that Mr. Ren isn’t satisfied with her appearance since he wants her to alter it.

She has never given much thought to her appearance or compared herself to what other women look like, but even if she hasn’t, she has noticed that many women spend more time on their appearance and that there are women that she would consider more beautiful than her.

Removing hair was a small thing, it wasn’t a major alteration, and if that is what Mr. Ren wants, she will do it for him. She just hopes that is the only thing he found disagreeable about her.

When she removes the last article of clothing, her panties, leaving her bare before him, she hopes that she has done well.

He doesn’t say anything, he just lets his eyes wander over her body before he pushes her back towards the bed.

The hair on her vagina was obviously not the only thing he wasn’t satisfied with.

She must not have done well the first time. She thought she did, he seemed satisfied after he spilled his seed inside of her butt, but he couldn’t be since he wants to try her again before he agrees to marry her.

After she’s laid back on the bed, he grabs her knees, forcing her legs apart. Exposing her before him.

Her eyes close. She feels inadequate, she’s scared that she won’t please him, that she isn’t good enough.

“Look at me,” he says huskily.

She peeks up at him. His gaze is like an animal stalking its prey, it makes her cheeks heat up, a light pink color settling. She knows that this is her second chance. He is giving her another chance at pleasing him, another chance to prove to him that she will be a good wife. She must do well.

“What we do privately is not to be discussed with anyone else, do you understand?”

Her eyes go wide, then she nods, “yes, sir.”

He knows. He knows that she talked to the servant. He knows that Rey after she started feeling comfortable in the girl’s presence asked her questions. Rey only did that since she was married, and Rey thought that she could give some insights into the things husbands wants from their wives that the classes on the subject in school hadn’t covered. She knows she shouldn’t have; servants are not to be spoken to in a personal manner. She only did it since she wanted to gain more knowledge so that she would know what to do to be good for him.

His hand is between her legs, fingers stroking the sensitive flesh, “this is your cunt,” he says, a hint of a smile forming at his lips, “it might also be referred to as your pussy,” he strokes over the small nub, “and your clit.” 

His fingers are moving further down, grabbing the flesh of her butt, “your ass,” he says, then his hand move between the cheeks of her butt, fingers finding the puckered hole between them, “and your asshole,” he moves his hand away from her, grabbing between his legs, where his penis is located, “my cock, or dick,” he says, his deep voice vibrating between them, growing more rough at every word he says.

His hand reach into his pocket, retrieving the bottle with the clear lotion along with something that she has never seen before. It looks almost like hair pins, made out of metal, only they are a bit bigger and they have what looks like black rubber at the tips, so they don’t look exactly as the pins Rey sometimes use to put her hair up with.

Her eyes are wide as she watches him pick up a pin and move it between her legs. She shrieks as she feels the pin clamp down on her skin on the folds of her vagina. It stings, hurts a bit at first, then the flesh starts pulsating, sending tremors through the surrounding area.

He continues until she has at least eight pins attached to the flesh of her vagina. Then he regards his handywork with hooded eyes. She’s panting, the skin of her body flushed and covered in goosebumps. It feels strange, throbbing and pulsating, and then his head dips down between her legs, and she has to fight herself not to pull away as he feels his hot breath on the oversensitive skin.

His tongue circles the sensitive bud, sucking it into his mouth, drawing an embarrassing sound from her, like a mixture between a groan and a yelp.

She has never heard of men putting their mouth on a woman like this so it can’t be something men usually do. A lot of the things Mr. Ren had done isn’t normal, isn’t something they are taught in school.

Mr. Ren is a distinguished man, he is one of grandfather’s confidants, so she knows he won’t do something that isn’t allowed. 

As he licks over the pins he has fastened to her skin, over the wet and sensitive flesh, it makes a tingling sensation build, radiating from between her legs, then he starts removing the pins and as blood rushes back to the area that has just been clamped by the pins he blows on her skin, it heightens the pulsating sensation, it feels like she is going to burst. And as he puts his tongue on her again, she is bursting.

It’s like the last time, when he touched the small nub down there, only this feels hotter, and wetter. Liquid is gushing from between her legs as an overwhelming sensation takes over.

She makes sounds, sounds she has never made before, sounds of enjoyment.

She is panting, seeing starts, her body trembling. Nothing has ever felt as good as this before, the feeling from the high she reached the first night with him was good, but nothing compared to this. It was like her entire body was suspended in a moment as she was reaching that high.

After it dies down, and he moves away from her she lays pliant on the bed, looking up at him through hooded eyes as he releases his penis, or cock, as he called it, from its confinements. He strokes it against the wet flesh between her legs. He wants to put it inside her vagina, she can tell. He wants to take her virginity now. But he can’t, and they both know that. So like the last time he coats his fingers in the clear lotion before he starts prodding at the puckered hole further back.

His cock looks like it is going to burst, it’s red at the tip, angry looking, so he doesn’t drag his ministrations with his fingers out for longer than necessary.

She feels the tip poking against her. As he finds her opening, gently pushing into her tight heat she grabs a hold of the bedspread underneath her, pressing her lips firmly together to stop herself from making any sound to indicate the discomfort she is feeling. It’s a tight fit, it was the last time too, but then he spent more time with his fingers and getting her muscles to relax, now he barely spent any time before he pushed his cock into her. It’s uncomfortable as it stretches her out, slowly making her body accustomed to him.

He’s panting, hot breath fanning over her face as his cock is nestled fully inside her. He likes it. He likes moving his cock into her, he makes sounds that can only come from pleasure.

As his movements becomes erratic, the sounds he makes more rumbling in his chest, she feels the wetness of his seed painting the insides of her butt, leaking out from where they are joined, then he collapses on top of her.

He is a large man, the weight of him on her making it hard to breathe, thankfully he rolls off her before it gets to be too much.

“Mr. Ren,” she says, she doesn’t look at him, she continues laying on her back, listening to his labored breathing.

“Yes,” he responds after a few seconds of silence.

She knows not to question a man; she knows that she is not in a position where she can ask anything of him. She just needs to know.

“What will you tell grandfather?” she asks. She knows she is stepping over a line, she is not supposed to ask questions.

“The Emperor will visit in a few days so we can agree on the terms, then the wedding will be in a few weeks,” he responds. He doesn’t sound angry that she is asking, like grandfather would have been. Grandfather would have chastised her for asking questions, Mr. Ren on the other hand doesn’t seem to mind.

He is grandfather’s choice for her, and even thought everything is new to her and Mr. Ren is a bit intimidating, she is sure that Mr. Ren is the best choice grandfather could have made for her.


	6. Chapter 6

Mr. Ren and grandfather had been in the living room discussing the terms of Rey’s marriage to Mr. Ren and the upcoming nuptials. That was a discussion between the two men, the man who gave the woman away and the man who would take her as his wife. She knew they had a lot to discuss. She came with a dowry, grandfather would give Mr. Ren money upon their marriage, and there was probably a lot of other things that Rey wasn’t privy to that had to be agreed on before they got married.

Rey didn’t expect to be invited, but two hours after grandfather arrived, he summoned her.

“Was she satisfactory?”

“Yes, Emperor,” Mr. Ren replies.

Grandfathers briefly diverts his gaze to her before they settle on Mr. Ren again.

Rey is surprised that grandfather asks with her present, she thought that would be the first thing grandfather would ask Mr. Ren before they got down to discussing business.

“As discussed,” grandfather says, “she will be allowed to choose her own dress, it will have to approved by you, of course,” something Mr. Ren nods in agreement to.

Rey is happy about that. She knows many women have their wedding dresses picked for them. She’s glad that she gets to pick it herself, it feels more personal that way, like she gets to show a part of her personality by her choice of wedding dress.

“My staff will make all the arrangements,” grandfather continues, “and to uphold our traditions and the stipulations in ceremonies, the wedding will be at Skywalker Ranch.”

Mr. Ren’s brows furrow slightly, his features hardening, he doesn’t look like he is happy about that. Rey can’t tell if it’s the fact that grandfather is making all the arrangements or the venue that is causing Mr. Ren’s dismay.

“The wedding will be in three weeks,” grandfather looks briefly at her again, his eyes piercing into her’s, “the sooner my granddaughter can perform her wifely duties, the better.”

Oh, he has to mean children. Rey knew that is expected of her, to give Mr. Ren children, heirs, so boys preferably. She just didn’t think that would be expected of her so soon.

Again, Mr. Ren’s face is like stone, his brows slightly furrowed in an expression she can’t quite decipher. Still, contrary to the look on his face he says, “she’ll bear my heirs soon.”

“Good, good,” grandfather replies, “as my successor, your legacy and the continuation of our Empire depends on securing the line of succession.”

Rey always thought that grandfather would live forever. She didn’t know his exact age, but she knew that he was old. Logically she knows that everyone dies at some point. He just seemed like he would always be there, so Grandfather talking about succession surprises her.

Mr. Ren being grandfathers intended successor does however not come as a surprise, she wouldn’t be set to marry him if he wasn’t. One day Mr. Ren will become the Emperor, and their children will succeed him in time. She now knows that grandfather summoning her is to ensure that she knows what is expected of her. She just hopes that she can live up to the expectations.

“I’ll provide you a selection of dresses you can choose from.”

Rey smiles back at him.

Grandfather had retired for the evening, leaving her and Mr. Ren alone in the living room.

“I’ve also made an appointment with a doctor for you tomorrow, before you leave.”

“Leave?” she questions, confused. She probably should ask why she’s seeing a doctor too, it’s just the part about her leaving that confuses her more.

“Women don’t usually live with their future husband before the wedding, and you have to pack up your things,” he replies.

That makes sense, she does have a lot of clothes, books and other personal items that have to be moved into Mr. Ren’s house after they are married.

“Ok,” she says.

Mr. Ren gets up to get himself a drink, as he is preparing it, with his back turned to her he says, “the hair has to grow back before the wedding.”

Rey blushes. He means the hair on her vagina. “Why?” she asks before she can stop herself. She is not supposed to question him, she just thought he liked it clean-shaven. She kind of likes it too, it felt smoother.

He takes a deep breath, turning around to look at her again, “Women don’t usually shave their cunt before their wedding.” 

That’s not really an explanation, but Rey understands.

It’s customary for the highest-ranking member from both families to be present for when he takes her virginity, along with the highest-ranking government officials in attendance at the wedding.

She knows grandfather will be one of them, a few of his most trusted men, other than Mr. Ren, too.

She’s going to be naked in front of them and without hair on her vagina she will probably feel more exposed.

“Ok,” she replies.

He takes a seat next to her again, his hand coming to rest on her thigh, squeezing it, as he takes a sip of his drink. She knows what he wants now. She can tell by the way his hand is stoking and squeezing her thigh, his breath getting more labored as he does it.

“Grandfather,” she croaks when his hand moves to the top of her thigh, closer to her vagina. They’re in a common area, and grandfather is in the house, what Mr. Ren obviously wants is not something they should do.

Mr. Ren huffs, “of course, wouldn’t want him to hear how much you enjoy it when I fuck your ass.”

Her face reddens at his words. She did like how he made her feel when he touched her, she liked it so much that she made loud sounds when he did it. Not something she is very keen on grandfather overhearing.

“Why am I seeing a doctor?” she asks, still knowing that she shouldn’t ask questions. She just can’t think of anything else to get the conversation moving away from the current subject, and hopefully get him distracted enough so he’ll stop with what he is currently doing.

“He’s just going to give you a shot,” Mr. Ren replies, “from now on you’ll get one every three months.”

Rey’s brows furrow, she’s confused again, “I’ve had all the vaccinations,” she says.

“I know,” he replies. Of course he does, he has probably seen her medical records.

He doesn’t elaborate any more on his answer. She has already overstepped by asking several questions. It’s not her place, Mr. Ren knows what is best for her, so if he says that a doctor will give her a shot regularly it’s not for her to question.

He retracts his hand from her thigh, moving it to his crotch palming himself through his clothes.

“Get on your knees,” he says, eyes going between her and the floor in front of him.

She complies quickly, her eyes fixed at front of his pants when he pulls his cock out, “Open your mouth,” he says as his hand finds the back of her head, pulling her towards it.

She has at least heard of this before, men liking having their penis inside a woman’s mouth.

She complies, feeling the tip at her lips. Like the first time he put his penis in her butt, she is sure he won’t fit, he is just too big. But once again he seems confident since he continues pushing her down on it until it hits the back of her throat making her gag. Coughing, she tries to pull away, but he keeps her in place.

“Just relax,” he says.

She tries to do as he says as his grip in her hair tightens and she starts to move her mouth on his length.

Even if she tries to relax, she gags as he hits the back of her throat, spit is pooling in her mouth, starting to run down her chin. And after what seems like an eternity of her head being moved up and down his length, she feels something wet, salty in taste, fill up her mouth.

A low groan rumbles in his chest, “swallow,” he says.

~*~

They left for Skywalker Ranch the day before the wedding.

Poe hated it, he hated having to be a part of it, but there was nothing he could do about it. As much as he hated having to watch a seventeen-year-old be married to a man almost twice her age, trying to fight back was futile. All he could do was his duties, what his master asked of him.

Skywalker Ranch was Kylo’s old family home. To Poe’s knowledge it was Kylo’s uncle’s property before the revolution, and now Kylo owned it. Kylo had to Poe’s knowledge not been there in years, he had outsourced the upkeep of the place, so Poe wasn’t surprised when they are met by a young man when they enter the main house.

It’s a large house situated on a hill with a view of the land on the property. It’s really a ranch, several buildings containing livestock and large fields.

Poe can understand why Kylo doesn’t manage the property himself, Kylo’s not a farmer, so he probably wouldn’t know how to run this place properly.

The young man that meets them bows his head as Kylo enters with Poe following right behind him.

Before the boy has a chance to say any of the normal pleasantries to welcome them Kylo says, “the Emperor and Miss Palpatine will arrive in the morning, along with the rest of the guests.”

The boy nods. He already knows this. They have probably been sent a schedule and very clear instructions.

Kylo gestures between Poe and himself, “we will take our dinner in the dining room, and then retire for the evening.”

The boy does look a bit surprised. A master having dinner with his servant wasn’t normal. Poe is surprised too. Since he became Kylo’s servant they have never had a meal together. Poe is usually serving Kylo his meals, not consuming them with him.

The boy opens his mouth to respond but before he gets a word out a large furry creature comes running towards them, tail wagging, as it practically jumps Kylo.

Poe can’t help but smile as he watches the dog’s excitement. Kylo on the other hand narrows his eyes at the dog, hissing, “get down.”

“He’s just excited,” a voice sounds from the other end of the foyer. 

Poe’s eyes widen as he looks towards the source. He’s in a wheelchair, body thinner, frailer than in his youth. He looks older, hair grey and face wrinkled, but Poe still recognizes him.

“Control it, or I’ll have it put down,” Kylo responds.

Surprisingly a smile tugs at the old man’s lips, “nice to see you too, kid,” he responds, obviously not shaken by Kylo’s threat and obvious animosity.

Poe thought he was dead, thought he died during the revolution. But there is no mistaking who the man is, it’s Kylo’s father.

Poe had wondered what happened to Kylo’s family. He always assumed the worst with Kylo being so hellbent on erasing everything from the past. Kylo’s parents had been publicly opposing Palpatine when he started making changes to the laws. And given the strained relationship Kylo and his family had before the revolution and his family cutting all ties to him when he openly joined Palpatine, Poe assumed that they died during the revolution or where executed for treason after. He’s glad that isn’t the case, at least for Kylo’s father. Kylo must have spared him, like he did Poe, and let the old man manage the estate that belonged to his wife’s family.

“Control it,” Kylo hisses, “and control yourself,” he regards his father with narrow eyes.

The old man shrugs, smiling, “when have I not been on my best behavior?”

Kylo snorts, shaking his head at his father.

~*~

It’s all a blur. It feels like all the events of the day happened so fast.

She promised to love, cherish and obey him. She promised to give him children, to support him in good times and in bad. She promised that to her last breath she will honor all her duties and the promises she has made to him and be his faithful wife.

He promised to rule over her with a firm and loving hand. He promised to guide her through their lives together. He promised that to his last breath he would be her husband and honor the vows they have made to each other.

They were blessed after that, their union announced as lawful, and they were husband and wife.

In reality, for their union to be considered lawful, he has to take her virginity. Only then would they truly be husband and wife.

She knows it’s coming, all through the dinner after they exchanged their vows it’s all she can think about. She shouldn’t be nervous, but she is.

He has seen her naked body and he has touched her before, that is not really the part that she is nervous about, it’s having to have witnesses that can attest to her purity present for it that has her a bit on edge.

Showing her body to Mr. Ren, her husband, is one thing, but having to be naked in front of a handful of men, most of them unfamiliar to her, makes her nervous.

She barely touches her food during dinner, the little she manages to consume makes her feel a bit nauseous. She has to get it under control, she can’t feel like this, it will ruin the moment for both her and Mr. Ren if she’s as nervous as she is now.

She excuses herself, going to find a bathroom. She just needs to take a few deep breaths, splash some water on her face, and then she’ll be fine.

It does help, having a few moments to herself. She feels a bit foolish, stupid, that she is reacting in such a manner. She has known for years what her wedding day will be like, she has had plenty of time to prepare, still she feels like she needs more time, so she leans against the wall in the hallway on her way back from the bathroom, just needing a few more minutes to herself.


	7. Chapter 7

“Ah, Mrs. Ren,” Poe breathes out a sigh of relief. She left the table over thirty minutes ago, and Poe has been looking for her. For a moment Poe thought he would have to tell his master that his wife had disappeared on their wedding day, something that would not have gone down well.

Finding her in the hallway outside a bathroom isn’t so strange, she probably needed to use the facilities, what is a bit strange is the look on her face, and the company she keeps.

Han is there, positioned right in front of her.

She looks uncomfortable, tense, her arms crossed in front of her body, almost like she is protecting herself. Her eyes fixed at the floor in front of her, avoiding looking at the now two men in front of her.

“Mrs. Ren?” Something has obviously happened to make her look so uncomfortable.

She doesn’t respond, without a word she moves, walking past them down the hall in the direction of the dining room.

“What did you say to her?” Poe hisses when she’s out of hearing range.

Poe fears the worst. There is many things Han could have said.

Poe has gotten the distinct impression that Kylo doesn’t want anyone to know that he was born as Ben Solo, so he probably doesn’t want anyone to know that Han is his father either. Han is only there because of the wedding traditions implemented under Palpatine. The oldest male in the bride and groom’s family is considered the highest-ranking member of the family and are required to be present as witnesses to attest to the bride’s purity. Palpatine is probably equally opposed to Han’s presence as Kylo, but he would go against his own laws not having him there for Kylo’s wedding.

“She’s just a kid.”

Poe narrows his eyes, “what did you say to her?” he repeats. What Han said to her clearly made her uncomfortable, and she will tell Kylo, Poe is sure of it. Kylo has let Han live, even with his obvious animosity towards him, Han has signed his own death sentence if he has said anything Kylo will deem as inappropriate to the girl.

Han shrugs, “I merely told her that I can help her get away from this if she wants.”

That was really the dumbest thing Han could have done. If that gets back to Kylo, Han’s fate is sealed.

“Did Mrs. Ren want to take you up on your offer?” Poe asks.

“No,” Han replies, “but I’m sure she would see that it’s better for her once she gets away from them.”

Poe sighs, “she doesn’t know how it was before. Her generation has been taught that this is normal, and they believe it, they’re practically brainwashed,” Poe regards the old man, a sense of defeat painted on his face, “trying to convince her to leave and hiding her from them is very high risk with very little reward.”

Han stays silent, his eyes downcast, gloomy expression on his face, then he sighs, saying, “they have changed you.”

Han was right. Poe wasn’t the same man he used to be. Before he would have fought back. He wouldn’t have thought about the consequences, he would have done what he believed was right, he would have sacrificed himself for the cause.

“Yes, they have,” he agrees, eyes meeting the old mans, “I have a wife now, and they’ll punish her too if I go against them.”

Han sighs, “No matter the risks, we still used to try. Remember?”

Han knows of Poe’s affiliation during the revolution. He knows that Poe was part of the network that tried to fight back. Just as Poe knows that Han and his wife, Leia, did too.

“The resistance doesn’t exist anymore, and you’re just a crippled old man. There is no way you would have been able to hide her from them.” Poe doesn’t mean that as an insult, it’s just a fact. “We don’t have much to fight back with anymore.”

“Holdo is still alive too.”

Poe scoffs, “still not a match to the Emperor and those loyal to him.”

“It’s a start,” Han responds.

Poe shakes his head. Han have probably been secluded at the Ranch for years, he doesn’t know how much things have changed, how different the world is.

Even if Han could get her to go with him willingly, the regime would view it as kidnapping.

And kidnapping Kylo Ren’s wife won’t make a difference, it will only enrage both Kylo and the Emperor, and everyone in attendance at the wedding will pay the price until they find her.

Poe gestures down the hall, continuing this conversation is risky if someone overhears them, “the party is nearing its end.”

Han nods, “I am aware,” tears are forming in his eyes, he’s swallowing back what is obviously a lump in his throat, “when Ben was little Leia and I used to imagine what he would be like when he was older, what his profession would be, what type of girl he’d fall in love with, what kind of person he would become,” he takes a deep breath, “we didn’t really care what he did with his life, as long as he was happy,” he sighs, “when I look at him now, expecting to see Ben, all I see is the persona he has created, all I see is Kylo Ren.”

Poe moves his hand to Han’s shoulder, squeezing it, “Ben is still there,” he says. It’s not often. But sometimes Poe can see cracks in the mask he puts on. He can see Ben.

Han takes a deep breath, using his sleeve to wipe away the tears in his eyes, “for his wife’s sake I hope that he is.”

~*~

She’s still nervous. She can feel her heart beat up in her throat. She did really try to calm down earlier, but her attempt was interrupted.

She had never seen the old man in the wheelchair before today. She doesn’t know who he is, she hasn’t been introduced to him. The guestlist was exclusive, and the man wouldn’t have been invited if grandfather or Mr. Ren didn’t know him well.

Mr. Ren was chosen by grandfather, and it seemed to be overwhelming consensus among the guests that they were a good match.

Why would someone that was close enough with grandfather or Mr. Ren to get an invitation to the wedding offer to take her away from Mr. Ren?

How close the man really was, was becoming more evident to her as she enters the bedroom. The man was there, sitting in his chair close to the door. As she stands at the side of the bed waiting for Mr. Ren to join them, he is the only one that doesn’t look at her. Grandfather and two of his men are standing in the middle of the room, between the door and the bed, and they are all looking at her and the bed. The man in the wheelchair keeps his position behind them, close to the door, his eyes fixed at his folded hands in his lap.

Rey takes a deep breath. It doesn’t matter who he is. He is important enough to be a witness. And what he said to her earlier was nothing, he was probably just confused. She has heard that can happen with old age, and the man looks old, weak, he probably didn’t know what he was talking about.

Thankfully, Mr. Ren joins them, with Poe in tow, before she can ponder further about it.

Mr. Ren doesn’t waste any time. He doesn’t look at or in any way acknowledge the company they have, he just looks at her as he starts taking of his clothes, handing it to Poe.

Mr. Ren looks at her, down at her dress. She blushes. She has to take her clothes off now.

She wished she could be as Mr. Ren, straight-faced and down to business, it doesn’t look like it bothers him being naked in front of the other men. He doesn’t have anything to be ashamed of, he does look good. She on the other hand is blushing, her face and chest feels hot, her complexion is probably deep red at this point.

She doesn’t look at them, she focuses only on Mr. Ren, her husband. That is how she’ll get through this, by focusing only on him.

It’s just them. They have been naked together before. He has seen her naked body, and he likes it. He likes it now too. His cock hard between them as he lays her down on the bed, slotting his hips between her open legs. She feels less exposed with him on top of her, and the feeling of his firm body against her does make her relax a little bit. It’s just them, and she knows what is going to happen now.

She feels the tip of his cock against the flesh between her legs, and in a swift motion he pushes all of himself into her.

She has in advance promised herself she wouldn’t make a sound, of enjoyment or discomfort, it wasn’t appropriate with witnesses present. But she can’t help the cry that escapes her.

He hadn’t used any of the clear lotion on her, and she hadn’t had time to produce any of the natural fluids, like she had done when she was with him before. Her skin is dry, and it hurts.

She bites down on her lip in an effort to stop herself from making any more sounds as his hips start moving, pounding into her, in a grueling pace. He’s moving inside her, and with every movement it feels like he is tearing her flesh and bruising the end of the tight canal inside her.

Thankfully, the pace he has set does seem to make him finish faster. When he was inside her butt, he took his time, his movements slower at first, this is more like he is moving so fast in order not to prolong it for longer than necessary.

He doesn’t make any sounds either, she just feels his breathing against her neck, hears it hitch slightly, and then she feels his warm seed fill her insides, some of leaking out of her from where they are joined.

With a low grunt he’s pulling out of her, and getting off her, leaving her exposed once again.

He’s handed a towel from Poe, who is very respectful, not looking directly at them.

“She was a virgin,” Mr. Ren states, throwing the towel on the bed next to her after he has used it to wipe his cock and between her legs. She can see his seed, a white sticky substance, mixed with small specks of blood.

Poe, still avoiding looking at them, hands Mr. Ren a bathrobe, Mr. Ren looks at it, then down at her. His expression hasn’t changed, his eyes seem a bit softer though, as he drapes the bathrobe over her body instead of putting it on himself.

“Keep laying on you back, child,” grandfathers voice suddenly sounds, “the chances of producing children are better then.”

Mr. Ren makes a sound, like a low snort, his lips slightly twitching.


	8. Chapter 8

Poe felt sick, like he was going to throw up.

He knew that for people of a certain social standing it was tradition, that they were bound by law. He had known this for years. This was however the first time he had witnessed it. Being there in the room made it more real, not just something he was aware was happening. It put a face on it. And that was the face of a young girl, nervous, blushing, as she was forced to undress, forced to lay down on a bed with a man on top of her, forced to have spectators as a cock was forced into her. The cry. The shrill cry in pain still rung in his ears.

He tried to be respectful, not to look. To him the intimacy between a husband and wife was something private, and it was something good. What he had just witnessed was not that.

It wasn’t intimate in the way it should be. It wasn’t touches to give each other pleasure, it wasn’t passion, it wasn’t soft kisses or sweet words.

It was like breeding, like animals during mating season, it lacked all the elements that made sex good.

He was excused after. He finds a stool in the kitchen, and he just sits there staring into the air. The men are in the living room, with drinks and cigars in their hands, and the poor girl has retreated to her room. Poe wants to check on her, but he doesn’t. It’s not appropriate, and he is probably not the right person to try to offer her some sort comfort after what she just had to go through.

Poe did get the impression that Kylo didn’t want to drag it out, he was quick about it. He would hopefully approach it differently in private, be more attentive, tender, and hopefully not make it horrible for the girl in the future.

Poe looks up, finding Han at the entry of the kitchen. He looks like Poe feels, pale, furrowed brows, and sadness in his eyes. Han opens a cupboard, pulling out a bottle with some sort of brown liquor in it, “drink?” he asks.

Poe nods.

It’s strong. Probably something Han has brewed himself. One glass in and Poe already feels the effects of the alcohol. They stay in silence after that. Both silently contemplating the events of the day, at least Poe does, and he thinks Han does too.

Han sighs, looking down at the glass in his hand, breaking the silence he says, “this is the third time I’ve seen him in twelve years,” he takes a big gulp from his glass, coughing a little. Han looks sad. He looks like a man that has lost everything.

Poe doesn’t know what to say. There is nothing he can say. Han still cares about Kylo, that much is obvious. Seeing what his son has become probably hurts.

Poe cares about him too, not as much as Han probably does, but Poe cares about his as a friend.

Kylo has done horrible things, he continues to do them, but a part of Poe still sees the person he has know since childhood, and that is the part of Kylo that Poe cares about.

~*~

She felt sore, down there. It felt like he was still inside her, a throbbing pain, and then as she got in the bath, starting to gently wash herself there, the stinging pain was back too.

She felt the need to wash, so she’ll just have to endure.

It will be different when it’s just them. She knows that. He’ll make her feel good like he has before. Today wasn’t about making her feel good. It was about taking her virginity. And he had done just that.

She’s used to privacy when she’s in the bathroom, so she does jump a little when there is a knock at the door, Mr. Ren entering before she has time to say anything.

He lets his eyes wander over her naked body immersed in the water. She thought she would get some time alone, time to heal, but he’s there to lay with her again, she is sure of it when he undresses and gets in the bath with her, sitting behind her, pulling her back to his chest.

“Relax,” he murmurs.

He does that a lot, tell her to relax. She always tires to. She doesn’t want to be tense around him. She doesn’t want to be scared. She knows she has no reason to fear him, he’s her husband, she just can’t help that she still finds him a bit intimidating. It’s because she doesn’t really know him yet, she only knows small pieces of him, she doesn’t know all of him. It will come in time, she knows that. And he did make her relax earlier, focusing only on him made being watched in such a vulnerable state bearable.

He seems like a good man, a good husband. He seems fair. He let her ask questions before without chastising her for doing so.

She takes a deep breath. She has to try to be calm and relaxed around him, that is the least she can do, the rest will come in time.

His hands are on her, lathered in soap, washing her. The pain from earlier has not yet subsided so she winces when his hand moves between her legs. She has to fight the urge to move away from him.

Thankfully, his hands don’t linger, they continue moving over her skin, down her thighs.

She feels his cock digging into her lower back. He’s rock hard. He has needs that she as his wife has a duty to satisfy. 

“Relax,” he says again. It makes her take a deep breath as she rests her head back against his chest.

She can feel his heart beating, feel his chest rise and fall in time with his breathing. It’s calming, makes her close her eyes and focus only on the rhythm of his beating heart.

His hands move over her stomach, up to her breasts. He cups them with his large hands, gently massaging them before he takes her nipples between his thumb and forefinger, squeezing and tugging them. It makes her arch her back, inhaling sharply.

He’s moving, the length of his cock digging into her lower back, rubbing against her under the surface of the water encapsulating them. He moves one of his hands down between her legs, spreading her open, finding the small nub. He starts to rub his fingers against it, his other hand continuing the touches on her breasts.

“Sir,” she squeaks as she feels him moving so his cock rests right under her vagina. A good wife would never deny her husband. But all sense of what the right and wrong behavior is has left her.

She knew the more he left his seed inside her, the greater the chances of conceiving are. Mr. Ren hadn’t explicitly said it as grandfather has, but that must be why he wants to do it again so soon after the first time. She knows she has to live up to those expectations, even if she’s not physically ready for it. She’s not really emotionally ready either. The concept of having children feels foreign to her. She has learned about pregnancy and childcare in school, it was just always something she thought would be in a very distant future. She doesn’t feel ready for that, she’s not ready to care for a helpless little creature.

But that is really the least of her concerns now, all she is worried about now is the pain. She doesn’t think she can bear it. She can’t take him inside her again tonight, it will just hurt too much. “Please,” she continues when he doesn’t say anything to respond. She sobs, tears falling from her eyes down her cheeks.

The grip he has on her tightens, “You think I’m gonna hurt you?” his voice rumbles. It’s almost like he is angry, upset with her.

“I’ll be ready again tomorrow,” she says, scared that she has offended him, “I know my duty, I want to be a good wife,” she wipes the tears from her cheeks, trying to regain some of her composure, “It will just hurt too much right now,” she sobs again, failing completely at calming herself down.

He retracts his hands from her. He pushes her away slightly so he can get out of the bath. She has really done it now; she has angered him. She shouldn’t have said anything. She should have just let him do as he wanted.

He stands with his back turned to her as he dries himself off, several grueling seconds of silence passing. Suddenly, he turns towards her again, his dark eyes meeting hers. She expects punishment of some sort, she expects that he will tell her off for not obeying him, instead he just regards her for a moment, then he turns on his heel and walks out of the room.

~*~

Kylo can be moody. He can lash out in anger even on the best days, with no one around him seeing it coming. Other times Poe can see it coming, and then it’s worse than when it’s just a spontaneous outburst. Then the anger has time to really build up inside him, and when it releases the outcome is always worse.

Poe knows something is up. It’s the first thing he notices the morning after the wedding. Kylo barely spoke, just short commands. His face was set in what seemed like a permanent scowl, his eyes dark and narrow. It’s not so hard to tell that something is not right, that Kylo is in a bad mood, even Mrs. Ren seems to catch on rather quickly. She hasn’t experienced Kylo’s outbursts before. But by the way she acts, nervous glances at her husband, keeping her head bowed, her movements timid, Poe can tell that she also knows something is up.

Kylo practically ignores her during breakfast, then he suddenly announces that he’s leaving with the Knights and orders Poe to make sure that Mrs. Ren gets home safely.

Poe does as he’s told, but he can’t help but find it odd that Kylo is leaving with the Knights. Kylo got married the day before. Poe wasn’t expecting Kylo to be a doting husband, but he at least expected that Kylo would be in a better mood and pay his wife some attention.


	9. Chapter 9

“I have a message for Mr. Ren.”

“Mr. Ren is out,” Poe responds. He had been gone for almost a week. He left the day after the wedding and hadn’t been heard from since.

The man looks down at the floor, taking a deep breath, “I was told that I had to speak with Mr. Ren.”

“Well, he’s not here. Whatever message you have for him, I can deliver it to him when he returns.”

The man gestures to the box he has placed in front of him on the floor, his eyes nervously flicking between the box and Poe.

Poe would be nervous too if he were him. The man was a servant, like Poe, but he worked for Palpatine. Not being able to give the message he had for Kylo to Kylo directly, and instead having to give it to Kylo’s servant, does probably warrant some sort of punishment.

Poe looks up at the man, confused, after he has opened the box. It’s just books. It was like the other boxes with Mrs. Ren’s things that has been delivered to the house, mostly clothes, books and other personal items. Poe couldn’t see what was so special about this box.

“They’re forbidden,” the man says, voice a whisper.

Poe looks down at the contents of the box again. He’s right, Poe recognizes at least three titles that he knows are illegal to be in the possession of.

“They were found among Mrs. Ren’s things,” the man says, something that makes Poe’s eyebrows raise in surprise. Mrs. Ren seemed so indoctrinated, so brainwashed by the regime, her being in the possession illegal books surprises him. The books aren’t really that bad, some of them used to be on the curriculum at every school before, but they are illegal now, and Mrs. Ren surely must know that.

“The Emperor wishes to convey to Mr. Ren that even if Mrs. Ren was born a Palpatine, Mr. Ren is free to punish her as he pleases under the law.”

Of course, the old sicko doesn’t care about his own granddaughter. He’ll see her punished for such a minor infraction, that shouldn’t even be an infraction.

Poe looks down at the books, “ten lashes per item of contraband,” he says, that’s the normal punishment for something like this. He sighs as he starts counting them. She’ll be hospitalized for weeks and scarred for life.

Sometimes when Poe knows it will end badly or with some sort of punishment for him or another servant, he keeps things from Kylo, or he tries to soften the blow by framing it in a different manner, hoping to persuade his master that punishment isn’t the best course of action. He wishes he could do that now; the girl doesn’t deserve physical punishment over some books, very innocent books. Poe wish he can hide it, hide the books and pretend they were never found. But he can’t, Palpatine knows, so even if Poe doesn’t tell Kylo will be made aware of it later, and she will still receive her punishment. Poe and Palpatine’s servant will also be punished for not delivering the message from Palpatine to Kylo.

Poe really wishes he could do something to spare Mrs. Ren. She’s got no one looking out for her, protecting her and caring for her. That has been made very clear. Her own grandfather sold her off like some sort of brood mare, and now he wants her punished for such a minor infraction.

And her husband just left abruptly the day after the wedding and hadn’t been heard from since, he had made no effort to check in on his new wife.

She seemed to fill her days by reading and taking walks in the garden, something that is obviously very monotonous, and Poe sometimes catches her just staring out the window for longer periods of time. She must be bored out of her mind. And she must be wondering why her husband isn’t there.

Normally women of Mrs. Ren’s standing managed their husband’s household, they supervised the servants schedule by dictating how often the servant’s task, like cleaning and gardening, where to be performed, and oversaw that it was to the high standard their husband set, and they set the weekly dinner menu. For Mrs. Ren there was unfortunately not much of that for her to do. Poe had been managing Kylo’s homes for years, and he wasn’t particularly keen on an inexperienced teenage girl taking over that duty. Only since he knew he had to, he tried to involve her, but he quickly realized that she wasn’t very interested in it either.

Since she didn’t attend school after she was married, and Kylo hadn’t left any instructions for what she should fill her time with, Mrs. Ren had very little to do.

Not having much to do, and being bored, was really the least of her worries now. But she doesn’t know that, not yet.

It wears on Poe, he went from wishing Kylo came back, to wishing that he didn’t. And the day he does come back, after being gone for nine days, Poe felt like he hadn’t been away long enough.

He contemplated telling her, warning her of what’s to come when Kylo returned, but he decided against it. He didn’t want the girl worried and scared for his return, but now as he enters his master’s office with the box in his arms, he wished that he had.

Poe doesn’t stall, he gets right to it. He shows Kylo the books and tells Kylo what Palpatine’s servant told him.

Kylo regards him for a long moment. His face looks drawn, he looks tired. They had probably been training or on some mission for Palpatine and hadn’t gotten much sleep.

“Inform my wife that she is to be in my bedroom in thirty minutes,” Kylo’s gaze briefly diverts to the open box on the floor, “tell her why, and get rid of those after.”

Kylo has no intention of giving her any leniency.

“She could be pregnant,” Poe interjects. It’s a long shot, she’s probably not, but Kylo wouldn’t inflict any physical harm to the woman possibly carrying his child.

“She’s not.”

“You don’t know that. You should wait, have her tested. If she’s..”

Kylo raises his hand to stop him, “she’s not pregnant,” he says firmly.

The way he says it, he seems so sure that she isn’t. Poe furrows his brows, looking at his master. The only way Kylo can be so sure is if he has taken steps to prevent it. The Emperor seemed very set on Mrs. Ren getting pregnant right away, telling her to stay on her back to increase the chances, Kylo wouldn’t deliberately have gone against the Emperor’s wishes. But something about the way Kylo says it and the look on his face told Poe that he has. There is no way Kylo will elaborate on that and tell Poe why. And Poe has lost the only valid argument he can think of to get Kylo to reconsider, he knows there is no way he’ll be able to talk his master out of punishing his wife.

“How will you…” Poe stops himself, he’s not sure he wants to know, but a part of him feels like he should be ready in case the girl needs medical attention after.

“The law opens for a husband to punish his wife for her infractions in the way he sees fit,” Kylo responds, “she won’t receive a punishment that will cause her permanent damage.”

It was like Kylo had read his mind, understood his concern, and it seemed like it was Kylo’s way of saying that he would go easy on her, at least Poe hopes so.

~*~

She has never been inside her husband’s bedroom before. Another first, there has been many of those lately. She thought about being invited to his bedroom before. It was an honor, a privilege, for a wife to be in her husband’s private space, to sleep in his bed, she learned that in school. It was a sign of trust, of love. And she knew she had to earn it. Earn his trust and affection so he’d want to share his space with her.

Poe told her the reason she was summoned there, and as she follows her husband’s instructions upon her entry to the room, taking off her clothes and getting on her hands and knees on the floor, she knows she has done the opposite of earning his trust.

She packed them in a box and didn’t think more of it. She should have thought of it, the books, she knew they weren’t allowed. She had known that since she found them.

It was her curiosity that led her to find them. When she was younger she like to explore, and the big Presidential Palace was the perfect place for exploring. She found so many interesting rooms, so many curious things, and the basement was by far the most interesting place of all. It was so big, so many things stored down there, so many hidden treasures. She found the books in a room filled with boxes and old furniture, a thick layer of dust covering them, it was all just left down there and probably forgotten.

She took the books since she liked to read, and even if she knew she shouldn’t, she kept them since she liked the stories. She didn’t see the harm in that, it was just books.

But now she will receive her punishment for it. She knows the law; she knows the punishment for her infraction. She braces herself for it, thinks she knows what it will be like, that she can handle it.

But she doesn’t know, she had never intentionally broken any laws. She always tried to follow the rules. She has never received a punishment before, verbal reprimands, yes, but never physical. 

There is movement behind her, unfamiliar sounds, then his hands are on her. He’s wearing leather gloves, it feels cold in a away, not the usual warmth of his skin against hers. Then she feels the harsh press of cold metal against her wrist. He’s putting handcuffs on her, but to her surprise it’s not her hands that are cuffed together, he’s pulling her arm back towards her leg and fastening her cuffed wrist to her ankle, then repeating the action on her with her other wrist.

She’s locked in an awkward position, bent over and without the use of her hands for purchase it feels like her weight is pushing down on her shoulders and neck. She tries to move, pulling at the cuffs, arching her back and spreading her legs wider to try to take some of the pressure off. It does little to help, all it really does is make it more uncomfortable, and the metal of the cuffs dig into her skin. She’s helplessly exposed before him, her behind spread open.

She hears unfamiliar sounds again. Then something cold touches her, a thin, long and hard object is at her behind, stroking over it. It has to be a cane. She knew that was one of the options. A cane, a whip or a belt is what is used for corporal punishment. She’s not sure which one she hoped for.

The cane is removed from her. He doesn’t say anything, all she hears is his breathing until a whooshing sound cuts through the silence. She yelps at the first blow, tears filling her eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

The strikes to her butt stung, but it somehow felt restrained, like he could hit harder. She knew he could, he is a big man, a strong man. The strikes leave her skin pulsating, tingling, and it does sting, makes tears run from her eyes. But it’s not so painful that she can’t take it. He gets to twenty, and suddenly there’s a pause, a sharp intake of breath behind her. She braces herself for the next strike, again trying to find a more comfortable position, pulling at the cuffs. But the strike doesn’t come. Instead his hands are on her, the smooth leather of his gloves stroking over her skin.

This isn’t just punishment, it’s for his enjoyment too, she realizes that when a gloved finger is being pushed into her. It slides in easily, too easily. She has produced the natural fluids, she’s wet, a squelching sound as his finger moves within her. The only times it has happened before was when he touched her, and it felt good. She thought that only came from her enjoyment. The strikes from the cane didn’t feel good so she can’t understand why she has produced it now. She hears the sound of his belt being unfastened, and she knows what comes next.

He pushes his cock into her, a low groan leaving him, and with his hands roughly gripping her hips he starts moving, thrusting into her, hard. He still feels too big inside her, she feels so full. The skin on her behind is sensitive, and the harsh fabric of his clothes rubbing against it heightens the sensitivity. She bites down on her lip, trying to stop from whimpering. She can’t help the whimpers that do escape her, especially when he slightly changes the angle, his cock hitting a spot deeper inside her. The fullness, the unrelenting hard thrusts into her, his cock hitting the spot inside her repeatedly, it feels different. It feels good.

She’s panting as the good feeling builds. She’s locked in an awkward position, the cuffs digging into her skin, her butt feels sore as his hips meet her sensitive skin, but she can’t help that the whimpers turn into sounds of pleasure. He’s touching something inside her, a sweet spot, and it feels so good. She feels it building, like the times he has made her feel good before, she’s clenching around him as his cock drags against her inner walls, pounding into the tight wet heat, hitting just the right spot to make her lose control. She’s screaming, a loud high-pitched groan, she’s convulsing around him, her entire body trembling.

“Did you like that?” he asks, panting as he pulls out of her and gets to his feet again.

“Yes, sir,” she mumbles. Her entire face feels hot, she’s embarrassed at her answer. 

He emits a low grunt at her reply. She feels the cane stroking over her skin again. “Punishments can feel good,” he says as he taps the cane lightly against her skin, “but you haven’t earned feeling good.”

She’s not sure if he is expecting a reply. If he is, she’s not sure what she should say. If she agrees with him and says she has earned a proper punishment, and that what he just did wasn’t really a punishment, she would practically say that he should hit her with the cane again and hit harder this time. And if she disagrees, she’s sure he’ll know that she is only doing it avoid the pain.

Before she has the chance to say anything, she hears the cane cut through the air again.

At the first strike she vows to herself that she is not going to scream. A vow she breaks upon the third strike when the cane comes down hard across her buttocks, a sharp pain radiating from the spot. The strikes lands in quick succession on her butt and thighs after that. She doesn’t have time to think, doesn’t have time to try to conceal her reaction.

She thought she could take her punishment, but she can’t. She can’t fight her natural instincts, so she screams when the strikes land. Screams that soon turn into sobs as she loses count of the blows and all she can feel is the throbbing and burning sensation left by the strikes from the cane.

A shriek in surprise leaves her when she feels him touching her again, this time his fingers stroke down her crack, stopping at her asshole, prodding at her opening. She gasps as the tip of his leather clad finger breaches her. She can take it, as long as he doesn’t hit her again, she can take whatever he wants to do with her. It’s uncomfortable as his finger pushes into her butt, his other hand at her buttocks rubbing the sensitive skin.

She feels the pain radiating from her sore flesh, accompanied by the uncomfortable feeling of his fingers in her butt and then the pleasure as his cock enters her vagina again, hitting the good spot deep inside her.

She doesn’t know what to feel, which feeling to focus on, it’s hitting her all at once. Confliction takes over. She’s confused. Even if she still feels the sting left by the cane, a pulsating pain heightening as his hand lightly slaps her butt while he thrusts into her, it feels good. She likes this.

She shouldn’t like this. She shouldn’t like the feeling of his cock inside her vagina. She shouldn’t like the feeling as he moves out of her vagina and to her butt, forcing himself into the tight hole. She shouldn’t like the feeling of him rubbing against her sore flesh as he pounds into her. But she does.

He is pushing her fast towards the edge. The sweet mix of pain and pleasure has her so close to losing herself in it. She is so close, she just needs a little more, a few more thrusts, a finger at the small nub, that’s all it’s going to take to make her fall headfirst over the edge.

She can hear his enjoyment, his sharp pants for air, the groans. She can feel it, how his thrusts speeds up, how his hands grab her for purchase as he lets himself go inside her.

A frustrated puff of air leaves her as he pulls out. She was so close. She needs it, she feels the need, the hunger, deep inside her. But he is not going to give it to her. He is not going to let her lose herself in the pleasure as the pressure that has been steadily building inside her releases.

She hears him straightening up, and then his footsteps across the floor.

Panic sets in the moment she hears the door open and then shut. He’s leaving her there, locked in an uncomfortable position, naked, with his spend dripping from her holes.

The air around her feels cold, making her shiver. And it hurts. Not just where he hit her, the hard floor under her makes her knees hurt, the position she is locked in makes her joints ache, her shoulders and neck sore, and her silent tears make the skin around her eyes burn.

She tries to move, trying to make her body tilt to the side. She needs to find another position, needs to lay down. A loud thud echoes through the dark room as her body hits the floor. 

It’s so cold, so hard. She feels so empty. She feels so alone, more alone than she ever has before.


	11. Chapter 11

She has no concept of time. She feels fuzzy. Everything is muted. The world around her is spinning, making her feel dizzy. It’s like she’s floating, unable to focus on anything other than the dizzy feeling inside.

She must have fallen asleep, or passed out, for how long she doesn’t know.

There is movement. Maybe it’s just in her head. Maybe her mind is playing tricks on her. She feels a hard warm surface against her side. She’s moving, but not of her own volition, she is being lifted up. A strong warm presence is cradling her and then she is encapsulated in something soft. Her eyelids feel heavy, her entire body feels heavy. She feels like she can’t open her eyes or move, the only thing she can do is sink down into the softness around her.

A stream of damp air caresses her face, then comes a touch, a light stroke down her cheek. Something soft, hot and wet, meets her forehead.

Rey.

Her given name, in a deep soothing tone. She sinks further down into the warmth around her, her name continuing to echo in her mind.

She still feels exhausted when her eyes slowly open. She’s in a bed, his bed, with rays of sunlight shimmering over her face. It’s a new day.

She’s alone, and the other side of the bed doesn’t appear to have been slept in. She moves, her limbs finally free, but they still feel heavy, sore. Her behind is sore too, and between her legs it’s still throbbing, and it still feels wet, sticky. The marks on her wrists from the cuffs are red and bruised, with lacerations in some places, she must have fought her restraints harder than she thought.

She doesn’t look at herself more than a quick glance at her wrists. She doesn’t want to see. She doesn’t want to face her reflection in the mirror. She can feel it, and she doesn’t want to see what she’s feeling looks like. She tries to wash it away in the bath, hissing as her bruised bottom meets the tub and as the water meets the wounds on her wrists and ankles. It hurts. It doesn’t wash what she is feeling away, not completely, but it leaves her feeling a bit better than before.

He must have come back, freed her from her restraints and put her to bed, the vague memory of it lingers. She doesn’t trust that memory; it was like a dream. There was a tenderness in it that she could only have imagined. Her husband is far from tender, and any remaining doubt she may have had about that after her punishment is snuffed out in the next days.

In the beginning he’s there, barely. And the few times he is there, he doesn’t acknowledge her.

Then it changes. He comes to her at night after she has gone to bed. He makes her undress and lay on her front, then he pulls her behind up to meet his hips and he enters her. His grip on her is hard as he thrusts into her until his seed is spilled deep inside. There are no words spoken between them. After the first night he doesn’t need to say anything, she knows what is coming, she is ready for it. She goes to bed naked, and she waits until she hears him at the door, then she turns to lay on her front and let her husband take what is rightfully his. She knows it’s her duty.

He doesn’t talk to her other than short commands when needed. He doesn’t look at her. And when he touches her it’s hard, and just to keep her in the position her wants her to be in as he puts his cock in her, it’s not a tender and loving touch.

The pleasure she felt the first times he touched her is gone. He doesn’t touch her like that anymore. Sometimes it does feel good, she doesn’t understand why, but it does. He always stops before the good feeling takes over. That it sometimes feels good confuses her, just like it confused her that she also felt good during her punishment. His behavior also adds to her confusion. It couldn’t have been just about some stupid books. If it were, he would have just hit her with the cane and that would have been it. She doesn’t know what she did wrong, why he is treating her the way he does.

Every night after he’s done, she is left with a numb feeling as she lays naked on the bed in her dark bedroom trying to sleep, her husband leaving the moment after the deed is done.

She thought things would be different. She doesn’t know exactly what she imagined when she thought of marriage and what her relationship with her husband would be before. But it certainly wasn’t this. Maybe she just hoped that her husband would also become her closest confidant, her friend, and that their relationship would be more than her just performing her wifely duties when he wants it.

She’s tired. And not just tired like one would normally be before bedtime. She is tired of everything. She’s worn out. She doesn’t have anything more to give. Every waking moment have been filled with dread, of what she knows will happen when she goes to bed, and fear, of what might happen in the future. She’s been so filled with those emotions over time now, that she has in a way become numb. It’s like she can’t feel anything anymore. It’s like she has accepted that this is her life now. She’s just tired, and all she wants to do is sleep. In her dreams she is at least, for now, free of him.

She didn’t actually plan on falling asleep before her husband got his nightly fill, but when she feels something at her cheek in her drowsy state, she realizes that she must have dozed off. She doesn’t want to open her eyes, maybe he’ll leave her alone tonight if he thinks she’s asleep. It’s probably too much to hope for.

His large hand is at her cheek, gently cupping it, his fingers stroking over her skin. It’s gentle, like the dream she had after her punishment.

A breathy sigh leaves him, warm air caressing her face. “Rey.” It’s a whisper, barley audible, but it’s there.

He knows her name.

Grandfather loathed everything from the past, and she suspected he didn’t like his son, Rey’s father, very much either. Her name was something from he past, it was given to her by her father, and grandfather didn’t want to hear it spoken, so she highly doubts that grandfather told her husband her given name. And she hadn’t told him either. So how did he know?

His fingers continue stroking her cheek. Maybe what she thought was a dream, her mind playing tricks on her after her punishment, wasn’t her imagination.

She is sleepy, but she knows she is not imagining this. He is touching her gently. In her sleeping state, as far as he knows, he is handling her with care.

The mattress sinks further down where he sits next to her as he moves, he is leaning closer to her, his cheek meets hers, he buries his face in her neck. Her eyes fly open when she feels his full lips meet her neck, he is placing soft kisses to her skin, moving from her neck up to her cheek. Suddenly he pulls back, his eyes wide as he looks at her.

She was not meant to be awake, by the look on his face that much is obvious. She has never seen him like this before, eyes wide, flicking between face and the door. He looks like he wants to run out of there.

She should just let him leave. That’s better than him staying, it will probably end like all other nights he has been in her bedroom. She lifts her arm, her hand gently touching his cheek, she swallows back a lump in her throat as she looks between his wide eyes and the place her hand is touching him, “Kylo,” she whispers, just like he whispered her name earlier. She can’t let him leave. She needs to make sense of this.

The sound of his name changes something in him, his eyes going narrow, his facial features hardening. He grabs her hand, pushing it away from him.

“Turn,” he commands, growling.

She shakes her head slightly, “please,” she begs, her voice still a whisper. He was just moments ago so soft, so tender, and now he wants her to get in the usual position he has her in when he takes her every night. She doesn’t think she can bear it right now, not when she knows that he can act differently.

He looks like he is ready to pounce, ready to force her into the position he wants her in. Before he has a chance, she moves. She sits up abruptly, her hands finding the sides of his neck, stroking up into his hair. Her heart is beating out of her chest as she moves closer. He looks at her still with narrow eyes, but his stare has changed a little. He looks perplexed, like he can’t believe that she dares defy him, and that she is touching him and moving closer to him.

She knows it’s something men do only when they care deeply for a woman, and that it’s not a woman’s place to initiate it, that’s what she’s been taught. But as she lets her lips meet his, feeling the softness of his plump lips against hers, she can’t bring herself to care.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long absence. Life was kicking my ass.. but I'm back now, and will try to get into a regular update schedule on this.

She’s not sure if she is doing it right. And if she is, she is probably not very good at it. As she presses her lips to his, he stays completely still, his body stiffened the moment she moved closer to him. Maybe he is just in shock, shocked at her forwardness. Or maybe he is deciding what the appropriate punishment for her actions is. The way she knows him she thinks it’s the latter. There is no way he won’t punish her for this. Women are not supposed to do this, kiss their husband, without permission or without him initiating it first. She just didn’t know what else to do, she just acted on an impulse, needing to feel close to him in a more loving way.

She slightly pulls away to breathe, a slow intake of breath, and her eyes meets his again. He still looks perplexed back at her. She exhales, shakily, moving closer again.

A deep frown appears on his forehead. After a few moments, with the frown slowly softening, he moves. He’s on her, his massive frame pushing against her.

She didn’t know what she was thinking when she thought that she could beg him not to, that she could get the tenderness he showed her when he thought she was asleep to continue.

It was inevitable that he would take her, that he would claim his right, like he had done so many times before.

She yelps in surprise. He isn’t touching her between her legs or moving her body to accommodate his usual wishes, his hands are on her but they are moving slowly from her hips up to her ribcage and then down again, he is repeating the motion, clammy hands stroking over her skin, and he buries his head in her neck again.

“Rey,” he’s whispering shakily into her skin.

He’s pushing her down on the bed, his hips meeting the inside of her thighs. She can feel him, the hard part of him that indicates his need pressing against her. But he is not acting on that need. He just strokes the sides of her body.

His rapid breathing is tickling her neck. His lips are back, and another yelp leaves her. It’s not out of fear, she doesn’t think it is, it’s more out of surprise, shock at his current behavior. It sends shivers down her spine as his lips moves across her skin.

She never thought he could be like this. Everything about him was usually so hard, so dark. This was soft and light, and so unlike how he usually touches her.

He moves his head up from her neck, his lips finding hers. She almost emits another yelp in surprise as his lips moves against hers, his tongue dipping into her mouth.

When she tried to kiss him, she had just pressed her lips against his, which was as she suspected not the right way to do it. The movements of his lips and tongue are eager, hungry. He is claiming every part of her mouth as his, and she eagerly tries to mimic his movements in reciprocating the kiss.

Her body tingles with a sort of excitement. She feels his growing need now pressing directly at her core, only his clothes preventing their skin from touching.

She feels a need too, a need to be close to him. For the first time she wants to feel his touch, to feel his body against hers, and inside her. She whines softly against his lips, the faint sound making him break away. Her lips slowly parts. She wants to say something, but she is scared of doing something that makes him go back to they way he has been before. But before she has a chance to say anything, he pushes himself off her.

It’s gone. Whatever made him kiss her and touch her tenderly is gone. His look has changed. His eyes are darker, hooded, as he takes her in. His body language has changed too, his guard is up. He’s putting space between them as his facial features returns to the usual hardness. His dark eyes measure her as she curls in on herself. She’s scared. Scared of what he’ll do now.

~*~

Every day he has to watch as the girl retreated more into herself. He has to watch her eyes becoming hollower, like the light inside her is slowly being put out. He has to watch her eat less and less. She was thin to begin with, but now she was becoming so skinny that he is genuinely worried if she got enough sustenance.

Every day he told himself that he had to do something. He had to help her. But it always stopped when he followed that thought. He couldn’t help her. No matter what he could do to make it better for her, his actions wouldn’t really help. The one person that had the power to make her life better didn’t seem to care what his actions did to the poor girl.

Poe shouldn’t be surprised. Given Kylo’s obvious disdain for his own wife, shown by the way he treated her even before they were married. Poe shouldn’t be surprised when the girl is nowhere to be found one morning. Her room is cleared out, all of her belongings gone. There is no trace of her, it’s like she had never even been there.

Poe doesn’t want to ask, he is scared of the answer, but he has to. Her absence is so obvious, and strange, that even the Knights exchange looks when her small form isn’t present for dinner.

“Mrs. Ren?” Poe hesitantly asks after he has served them.

“She’s gone,” Kylo responds, his expression blank and disinterested as he keeps his attention on the food in front of him.

“May I ask where?” Poe hesitantly continues.

“Back to the Emperor,” Kylo waves his hand in the air like he is dismissing Poe, like he doesn’t want to hear more of it.

Why would Kylo send her to the Emperor? Being sent away by her husband, and not yet being pregnant, Palpatine will view her as a failure. Poe is sure that Palpatine will treat her badly, probably even worse than what she has had to endure from Kylo. Kylo must know that too.

But Kylo doesn’t seem to care. He had her things removed and sent her away, removing all evidence that she had ever been there, apart from one thing.

The only evidence of her ever being there, surprisingly, remains on Kylo’s finger. He’s still wearing his wedding ring.


	13. Chapter 13

She was greeted by servants, and their looks said it all. Before it was more out of respect that they didn’t meet her eyes and kept their head down when they spoke, but now she saw the way they exchanged looks and actively avoided meeting her eyes.

The first weeks after her return to the Presidential Palace she was left to herself, which was probably for the best. She didn’t need to see grandfather to know, she didn’t need to hear him say it. She had disappointed him. She knew that before she saw him the first time since her return. When he requests her to join him for dinner, she wished he hadn’t. It’s written all over his face, the disappointment in her, the anger at her failing. She can see it in the other guests as well. She is sure they don’t know what happened, but they must know that something happened since she is there. A wife not living with her husband is strange, and everyone knows that she is married to Kylo Ren. Her body felt numb, she felt sick to her stomach, as she had to sit through the dinner parties grandfather had. No one spoke to her or of her. She was ignored apart from the brief looks that landed on her. Grandfather with disgust and anger written all over his face when he looked at her. The other guests studied her, probably confused as to why she was there, or with a not so hidden glee painting their features.

She would for the rest of her life have to live with the looks and the whispers behind her back. She was probably the talk of the town; they were probably gossiping about her.

She was an outcast. Rejected by her husband, unable to fulfill her duties to him.

And having to sit through dinner parties with grandfather and his guests with the looks and whispers is her punishment.

She expected to receive some sort of physical punishment as well. But she is married, and if she is to receive some sort of reprimand it’s up to her husband. The government can only punish people who has broken the law, and she hadn’t technically broken any laws. Grandfather may want to see her punished, that much is obvious by the way he looks at her. But he follows the law, and he won’t change any laws just so he can physically punish her.

If she could, she would take it all back. She would have been happy that she got to serve her husband in the way he wanted, she wouldn’t have tried to push for anything different. She would never have kissed him. Just for a moment that night, as his lips pressed against hers, as she felt his body pressing her down into the sheets, she thought that it was a turning point. The start of a life where her husband would touch her tenderly and love her. And she would love him back. She would give him everything. 

But she failed. Her husband sending her away in the middle of the night was evidence of that. It hurt to know that she had failed, that she couldn’t do what was asked of her.

She is free to move around. She appreciates that. She still keeps her head down. Even if no one has stopped her from moving around the house and the garden, she is not going to push it. So she keeps to herself and to her part of the house.

Or she tries to at least.

She doesn’t mean to run into them, if she had known they were there she wouldn’t have left her room. Their mere presence cast an ominous shadow over the walkway leading from the garden up to the house, the last part of the route she usually takes on her afternoon walk. Like their master they’re dressed in black, faces like stone, not even a hint of a reaction to her suddenly appearing before them.

Her heart is beating out of her chest even though she knows she has nothing to fear from them, even if she has been cast aside, she is still their master’s wife. They may look intimidating, but they will never lay a hand on her or hurt her in any way.

It’s strange. Their faces remain expressionless, but there is a hint of a small bow from each of them as she walks past. She knew the Knights were never far away from their master, so she knew he had to be there too. She just hoped she wouldn’t have to face him.

Her hopes of avoiding facing her husband is shattered when she is requested to join him and grandfather for dinner, the servant that tells her looks nervous, probably scared that she will refuse so he’ll have to go back and tell them that.

She doesn’t refuse. From the moment she saw the Knights, she knew it was unavoidable. She had to face her husband, she had to own up to her failings. And maybe, just maybe he’ll forgive her. It’s too much to hope for but if he does give her another chance, she’ll do anything she can to prove to him that she can be the wife he wants.

Her heart is beating out of her chest. She tries to swallow back the nervousness that is slowly rising inside her. He didn’t look at her. Didn’t acknowledge her when she entered the dining room and sat down next to him. She keeps her head down, focusing on the food on the plate in front of her. They have company. A red-haired man that she has seen a few times before, he’s one of grandfather’s men, he was there for her wedding and a witness to the consummation.

She knows something will happen. Mr. Ren wouldn’t be there, and she wouldn’t be asked to join them for dinner, if it wasn’t.

“All those years ago,” grandfather finally breaks the pressing silence, “I knew it was a mistake keeping her, but you convinced me otherwise,” he sighs, “and it worked out well from a public perception point of view, until now.”

Rey looks up. Grandfather is looking at Mr. Ren.

“Sir, I -” Mr. Ren starts, his deep voice sends a shiver down her spine.

Grandfather slams his fist into the table, making Rey jump in her seat, “I don’t want to hear it, boy,” he hisses through gritted teeth.

Mr. Ren scoffs, “you don’t think I fucked her properly, is that it?”

Grandfather shakes his head, “I don’t doubt that you have tried. I think she is unable to bear children. Her mother was the same, it took them years to conceive,” he snorts, “It was a mistake thinking that we could have heirs to this empire from both our bloodlines,” grandfather sighs “you must have realized that, and that is why you sent her away.”

For the first time that evening, Mr. Ren’s eyes briefly falls on her. His face is like always, hard. It offers her no insights into what her husband is thinking.

“I think there is a way to solve this problem,” the red-haired man says when Mr. Ren remains silent, “we all know the law, marriage is for life. But there is a few options when a woman can’t carry out her duties,” he pauses, looking between Rey and Mr. Ren, “Ren can take a mistress,” he continues, “no one will know about her, and the children will be passed off as Mrs. Ren’s.”

Mr. Ren scoffs, “I guess you already have someone in mind.”

“Bazine Netal,” the red-haired man replies.

“She’s a whore,” Mr. Ren responds, hissing, “how would I even know the children are mine?”

“Miss Netal will be exclusive to you and will be required to be discreet.”

Mr. Ren shakes his head, “I’m not taking a whore that has slept with half the commanding officers as my mistress,” he briefly looks over at Rey again, “it’s only been a few months, I think my wife will do her duty if we give it a little more time.”

“I don’t care how you do it, just get it done,” grandfather grumbles, obviously done with the discussion, “if my granddaughter isn’t with child by her eighteenth birthday, you will take a mistress. You can choose anyone you’d like if Hux’s suggestion isn’t to your liking,” he pauses, eyes narrowing at Mr. Ren, “Or you will have to finish the job I tasked you with all those years ago.”

Grandfather’s words rung in her ears and her heart was beating out of her chest, making her feel sick, as she walked back to her bedroom with her husband following behind. She knew what had to be done. She grabs the hem over her skirt pulling it up, as she moves to bend over the bed.

“Do you remember anything from before you came to live with your grandfather?” her husband’s words stop her movements, and she turns slowly to look at him instead.

He looks between her and the bed before his eyes meets hers. He looks different. His features softer. It must be the dimmed lights in the room playing tricks on her eyesight.

She shakes her head.

She doesn’t really remember. Bits and pieces only. Small fragments of her parents’ faces, and the sound of her name spoken in a sweet tone like a mother would sound to her child. She remembers running around a playground and in the woods. She remembers laughter and joy.

Sometimes when she has bad dreams, her mind would conjure up other fragments as well. A small apartment with a hidden room, her mother’s scared face when she told her to hide in that room, the screams she heard before the space feel into an eerie silence and then men in dark masks that found her hiding place, her kicking and screaming while they took her away.

She didn’t trust those fragments. It’s her imagination playing tricks on her. She looks at her husband, wondering why he asked.

“How long has it been since you saw the doctor?”

She furrows her brows in confusion. His questions are all over the place. She’s having trouble understanding why he’s asking her these things.

“Two or three months, I think,” she replies.

His eyes are fixed on the bed now.

She turns to the bed again, pulling her panties down and her skirt up, before she bends over it, like she was about to do before he started to ask questions. This is her second chance. She has to prove herself.

She feels him behind her, his hand stroking down her back, then he sighs, “not like this,” it comes out as a whisper.


	14. Chapter 14

Her eyes shoot open.

She rubs the sleep out of her eyes while she looks around. She almost forgot what happened last night, that her husband escorted her out of the Presidential Palace and then drove them into the night.

They’re parked in a wooded area at the end of a muddy road. A walk of fifteen minutes or so takes them to a small cabin located in a clearing next to a river.

She knew Mr. Ren had several houses, just like grandfather, she just never imagined him owning a place like this. The cabin has just one room, containing a bed in the corner, a small sofa in front of a fireplace and a small kitchen along one of the walls, it does have bathroom in a separate room, but that was it. The entire cabin is smaller than her bedroom at Mr. Ren’s house.

Why he brought her there she doesn’t know, and she is not about to start asking questions.

She spends the day watching him, not sure what she is supposed to do.

He chops wood for the fireplace and lights a fire that is slowly heating up the small space. He then goes on to unpack the only bag he brought, containing his clothes, and a bag of groceries, they must have stopped somewhere along the road after she fell asleep in the car.

He goes on to clean the cabin, and at the end of the day he cooks them dinner, which actually ends up tasting quite good. She didn’t know he can cook.

The whole time he doesn’t say anything, he hasn’t even asked her to do anything to help him.

At the end of the night when she lays down in bed next to him, after changing into one of his big shirts, since he didn’t bring any clothes for her, he clears his throat. She looks at him, their eyes meeting. He doesn’t have to say anything. She grabs the hem of the shirt and pulls it up over her head, then she lays on her front, pushing her butt in the air.

He takes a deep breath, swallowing, before he shakes his head.

She looks up at him, her eyes widening slightly. She doesn’t understand. He used to come into her room every night, and every night he made her get into the exact position she is in now. And now, just like last night, he’s rejecting her. He’s just looking at her and shaking his head.

“You have no idea how much I want to fuck you,” he sighs as reaches out for her and pulls her close to him. She can feel his cock hardening against her, confirming his need.

If he wants it, why is he not taking it?

He just lays there, closing his eyes while he takes a few deep breaths.

“It’s been a long day,” he says, “let’s sleep.”

Is this some sort of test? If it is, she has no idea what the right thing to do is.

It keeps her up, unable to fall asleep as her mind is racing.

As much as she feels like she has tried she doesn’t understand her husband, and she don’t think she ever will. She can never predict what is going to happen, what he will do.

After the conversation with grandfather last night it was pretty clear to her what had to happen. And she thought that Mr. Ren, given that he told grandfather to give it more time, also knew that they had to lay with each other as many times as it took for them to conceive. Surprisingly, even after she exposed herself, laying on her stomach with her butt in the air, he didn’t put his cock inside her.

He usually liked it like that, her face pressed down into the mattress and her butt in the air, while he entered her from behind. It was the way she thought he preferred it, and she felt like she had done everything right, so she can’t understand why he rejects her now.

When she wakes up, she feels just as tired as when she fell asleep last night. She laid awake too long thinking.

She jumps a little when the door to the bathroom open and her husband steps out. His usual all black attire has been replaced with jeans and a grey t-shirt, and his hair looks more tousled than usual.

“We should go into town to get you some clothes,” he says casually.

She gives her husband a few bewildered looks as they drive to what has to be the nearest town. It’s a small town, the town center with only a main street consisting of a gas station, a grocery store, a diner and what looks like a few boutiques selling clothes.

He acts differently than he normally does. Entering one of the shops selling women’s clothing and her husband saying that she can pick what she likes adds to her confusion. She has never in her life been allowed to pick what she’d like to wear. All the items of clothing in her wardrobe had been carefully selected by her maid and probably approved by grandfather. In a way she did have options before, since she had the option to choose from the items that had been provided for her. But she never had options like this, the option to choose exactly what she wants from a store.

She hesitates, looking up at him a few times. This has to be some sort of test. There is no way he’ll really allow her to choose whatever she likes. She can see dresses that are really short and with low necklines, if she picks one of those there is no way he won’t punish her.

“I – “, it comes out as a squeak. She’s not exactly sure what she’s going to say. She wants to ask him to pick for her, but she’s not sure if she’ll pass the test then.

His eyes meet hers, probably seeing her distress. She feels his hand stroking her back, “choose whatever you like,” he says as he leans down and places a light kiss on her cheek.

She doesn’t know how to react. She just freezes, staring back at him as he pulls away.

“Go on,” he says, pushing her gently towards a rack of clothes.

She does as he says, picking a few items of clothing that she likes. The whole time she looks at him nervously. She’s confused, and a bit shocked. He kissed her on the cheek, and he lets her just choose whatever she likes in the store. He doesn’t say anything to object to any of her choices, even when she picks a dress where the hem is above her knees.

She doesn’t know what to make of any of it.

As they take a seat at a table at the only establishment serving food in town, a small run-down diner, Mr. Ren said they should get something to eat after purchasing clothes for her, she is still very confused about everything that has happened since they left the Presidential Palace.

The man behind the counter looks at them, squinting slightly, like he needs glasses or like he can’t believe what he is seeing. “Ben,” his deep voice rumbles as he steps out from behind the counter, approaching them. Mr. Ren stands up, “Lando,” he says as he takes the man’s extended hand, shaking it.

“How’s the old man?” the man asks.

“Still kicking,” Mr. Ren replies as he takes his seat again.

The man chuckles slightly before he looks towards Rey, “and who is this?” he asks while he extends his hand to her.

“My wife,” Mr. Ren replies, his face taking on a hard expression while he regards the man.

She looks between them. She has never had a man she doesn’t know greet her like this. She doesn’t know if it’s allowed for her to take his hand in greeting, at least not without permission. The man looks between them, still holding out his arm waiting for her to take his hand. Mr. Ren looks from the man to her and gives her a nod.

She takes the man’s hand shaking it like she saw her husband do. “Lando Calrissian,” the man introduces himself, “old friend of Ben’s dad.”

Rey looks confused between Mr. Ren and Mr. Calrissian. Why is Mr. Calrissian referring to Mr. Ren as Ben?

Mr. Calrissian chuckles, “so you finally settled down,” he looks between them, “how did you meet?”

Mr. Ren eyes narrow angrily, “Drop the act, Lando,” he hisses, “you know damn well who she is, it was broadcasted in every news outlet in the entire Empire who I married.”

Mr. Calrissian raises his hands defensively, “yes, sir.”

Mr. Ren sighs, “I trust that you’ll continue to hold up your end of our agreement.”

“Ben,” Mr. Calrissian places his hand on Mr. Ren’s shoulder, “of course I will, you know I can be trusted.”

Mr. Ren takes a deep breath, “sure,” he scoffs, “as long as I keep up my end of the deal.”

She’s even more confused now, and she feels stupid for not understanding anything of what is happening.

Mr. Ren’s mood has changed. After meeting Mr. Calrissian, he seemed angry. He stayed quiet all the way back to the cabin, a frown making a deep groove on his forehead and his eyes darker than normal.

She didn’t understand why, but she didn’t want him to be angry.

She doesn’t know what to do to get him in a better mood, if there is anything she can do.

Since the cabin is so small she retreats into the only other room, the bathroom, to get some space to think. Even if she was very confused by his behavior earlier in the day, she preferred him to be like that, and not upset like he was now.

She looks around the room, there is not much for her to do in there so she can’t stay in there too long, he might get mad about that too. She could take a shower, she thinks, and then her eyes land on his razor lying next to the sink. It gives her an idea; he does like her clean-shaven down there. Maybe that will lighten his mood and maybe that will get him to lay with her, since getting into the position he usually likes hasn’t worked.

She’s blushing profusely as she steps out of the bathroom, naked. She didn’t really think this all the way through, she doesn’t have the confidence to stand there naked in front of him without feeling very self-conscious.

He’s standing by the kitchen sink, looking up at her when she shuts the bathroom door behind her.

His eyes widen just a fraction as he takes in her naked form. He’s silent, just looking at her, and she regrets doing this until he opens his mouth, saying, “you did this for me?”

She nods, face red as a tomato, “I know you like it like this.”

He takes a deep breath, eyes roaming over her naked body, “I do,” he says huskily.

He steps close to her, hands finding her hips as he gently guides her towards the bed.

“Lay down,” his voice comes out like a hoarse whisper. It’s not like the times before. It doesn’t come off like a command. She still does as he says, laying back on the bed, with his stare still on her.

She feels his hand at her hips, stroking down her thighs spreading them, before he dips his head down. “Do you like this?” he asks as he moves closer, his hot breath meeting the sensitive skin between her legs. She squeals as his tongue meets the small nub, licking it.

It’s better than the other time he put his mouth on her down there, he uses his tongue and lips to lick and suck until she is seeing starts. She’s wiggling around, so desperate to reach that high. His hands find her hips, holding her in place, “do you like this?” he demands, looking up at her from between her legs, a sheen of her wetness coating his chin.

Her eyes widen in desperation. She doesn’t want him to stop, it feels so good.

“Yes,” she admits.

Seeming satisfied with her answer he dips his head down so his lips meet the sensitive nub again.

It doesn’t take many seconds for the feeling to build up inside her again, it tingles deep in her core, she cries out in ecstasy when it releases, making her insides convulse and the skin around the small nub tingle in satisfaction at the treatment it has received.

He kisses the inside of her thigh, breathing deeply, “you taste so good.”

She blushes at his words, “I do?”. She’s not sure if she believes him, it can’t taste that good down there.

“Mm-hmm,” he exhales a shaky breath.

Then he suddenly pulls away, getting off the bed and to his feet while he licks his lips.

“Sir?” she says hesitantly while she spreads her legs further apart. She can see the bulge in his pants, so she knows that he wants it. And she needs him to do it. She needs him to spill his seed inside her.

He looks intently at her, right between her spread legs, but he shakes his head.

“We have to,” she almost sobs as she says it, feeling tears in her eyes.

He just continues shaking his head.

“But grandfather – “, she starts, the start of her counterargument being cut off by an angry growl that emits from low in her husband’s chest. Her eyes widen at his reaction and she curls in on herself like she is trying to make herself as small as possible. She didn’t mean to anger him.

He takes a deep breath, as if to calm himself, before he steps closer again, sitting down at the side of the bed. His hand reaches out for her, she flinches as his large palm cups her cheek.

She expected to be punished for talking back to him, for his hand to slap her, instead he is gently stroking the side of her face as he moves his head down to hers.

“I won’t fuck you again until _you_ want me to,” he whispers into her ear.


	15. Chapter 15

Her husband’s restraint is impressive, or it would be if she didn’t feel like the rest of her life depended on him not showing restraint.

She can tell that he wants her, and that it takes him a lot of effort not to act on those urges. She can feel his desire pocking into her back when they lay close to each other as they go to bed, and she can see it tenting his underwear when they wake up in the morning.

She doesn’t know what he meant by her wanting it. She does want it, and she thinks she has made that very clear. She wouldn’t be spreading her legs before him practically begging him, if she didn’t want it.

Feeling his need affects her. Just feeling his hard cock against her makes her feel damp between her legs, her flesh tingling, her core aching to be filled.

When she wakes up, still with the need inside almost at the boiling point, she whines in frustration. She doesn’t know what to do to get him to do what she wants, what she needs.

He sighs, regarding her. Then he gets out of bed and lifts her naked body up from the bed, like she weighs nothing.

She squeals while trying to fight his hold on her as she is being lifted up and carried out of the cabin. She’s naked, and he’s taking her outside.

The cabin is secluded, since they arrived there she has not seen or heard anyone around but being naked outside goes against everything she has ever learned.

He’s carrying her to the river, stopping briefly to discard of his underwear, before he walks into the water.

“I can’t swim,” she shrieks as she feels her body being engulfed by the water.

He quirks a brow at her, like he doesn’t believe her. He must know that swimming is not on the curriculum for young girls, but he still takes her into the river walking to a point where she is sure she won’t be able to stand if he lets go of her.

He moves her body in his arms, so her legs spread and her core is pressed directly at his abdomen. His arms stroking up her back, “I think we both need to cool down,” he sighs, his head moving to her neck, burying his face in her damp skin.

His lips are just barely brushing the sensitive skin on her neck, she squirms in his hold, rubbing her core against him.

The water is chilly, but if his goal is to cool them down she can’t say that it’s working. It does nothing to quench the rising heat inside her. She can feel the hardness of his cock under her, so it doesn’t seem to do much to cool him down either.

He huffs, pulling back from her neck to look at her. His eyes intent, pupils blown, making her squirm even more in his hold, as he moves closer. His hot breath meets her cheeks then his lips brush against hers. She freezes, eyes widening, as his tongue darts out of his mouth to swipe over her lips.

As her mouth opens, in shock, his tongue dips into her mouth.

She tries to reciprocate, to let her lips and tongue meet his movements, but she struggles with it. She can’t show the same eagerness she did the last time they kissed since she remembers how it ended. How he pushed her away, how he sent her back to grandfather.

He must feel it, her hesitation, since he pulls back.

“Rey,” he whispers, something that makes her eyes widen at him. He’s kissing her and using her given name again.

Everything that has happened since they came to this place, this secluded little cabin, has been so strange, so different. He’s different. He’s not acting like the man that she has come to know. It’s like he is a completely different person. And it’s good. No matter how frustrated she is that he won’t lay with her, the way he is acting now is good. It’s what she hoped her husband would be like with her when they got married. She just can’t get herself to believe that this will continue. He will change back. The darkness will come back, and he’ll be rough with her again. He won’t allow her moments like this again. This won’t last.

He sighs as he regards her face. He can probably see her hesitation and her fear.

“We have time,” he says as he starts to move, getting them up on dry land again.

That’s exactly what she doesn’t have. Time is the one thing she is running out of.

~*~

Poe doesn’t know if it’s a good or bad thing that Kylo has gone off the grid with his wife. Kylo had done that a few times before, disappeared for a few days. No one, not even the Knights who usually always followed him around, knew where he was.

As Poe thinks back to a few weeks after Mrs. Ren was sent away and a few days before Kylo left for the Presidential Palace he hopes that what Poe did and what he said to Kylo doesn’t make Kylo treat her worse that what he already has.

_At first Poe thought that maybe the girl had pushed Kylo, handed him a problem he felt like he couldn’t solve with his usual antics. Poe knew that Kylo’s usual course of action was to avoid the problem if he didn’t see a way to handle it in a manner that suited him._

_But the girl couldn’t have done anything so bad to provoke Kylo into such a drastic measure as sending her back to the Emperor. Whatever she may have done, Poe was sure that the punishment didn’t fit the crime. It eats at him the time after she was sent away. He thought it might just be a few days since Kylo was still wearing his ring, but as the days turned into weeks it was becoming more evident that Kylo wasn’t going to do anything to get his wife back home again. Poe knew what happened to people that couldn’t conform to the rules or couldn’t do what the Empire considered their duty. Sending her back without having delivered them a child, Kylo had practically given the girl a death sentence._

_A few weeks or so after she was sent away Poe sneaks off to the attic, where he has hidden the books that were confiscated from her. Poe couldn’t bring himself to destroy them, even if Kylo instructed him to do so. He imagines that they were a comfort for the girl, a place to escape from life, just as it is for Poe. He hadn’t looked at them since that day, he just hid the box in the attic, thinking that one day he might get some comfort out of them._

_He starts picking them up one by one, shaking his head at them. It was always like that in every regime, freedom of speech and the written word that is not approved by the regime is destroyed._

_He furrows his brows as he picks up a leather inbound book, it looks more like a journal, and not something printed and published._

_When he opens it and starts reading, he is in for what has to be the biggest shock of his life._

_Poe rummages through the box finding two other journals. He knows what they are but he’s not sure what it means that the girl had them in her possession._

_He flicks through the pages, stopping to read some of them. Poe feels anger rising inside him as he reads a passage detailing the author being at a summer camp, and at that camp while the other kids were playing a young girl was dragged into the woods by a man and raped. Her screams echoing through the woods surrounding the camp. The author is horrified and angry that something like that can happen._

_Poe scoffs._

_Mrs. Ren has most likely read this, and yet, from what Poe has seen, she doesn’t seem to understand that she has been raped to._

_Being forced by a stranger in the woods and being forced by a husband in the marital bed is in Poe’s mind both rape._

_Poe is pissed._

_That sneaky lying piece of shit._

_He feels his blood boiling as he grabs the journals and makes his way to Kylo’s office, slamming them on the desk in front of him._

_“What is this?” Kylo looks down at the journals Poe has placed on the desk._

_Poe scoffs, shaking his head. He shouldn’t be surprised that Kylo doesn’t recognize them. Kylo has been so hellbent on erasing the past that he can’t even recognize when his own past hits him in the head._

_“They’re journals, they were among the books confiscated from your wife.”_

_Poe can see when realization hits him, his eyes slightly widening. For the first time in years he looks like he is really uncomfortable, Poe hasn’t seen him like that since they were kids._

_Kylo visibly swallows, “have you read them?”_

_“Some of it, yes,” Poe admits._

_Kylo rests his hand on top of the journals, he takes a deep breath while he combs his other hand combs through his hair._

_Poe sighs, “It’s peculiar.”_

_“What?” Kylo’s eyes flicker nervously between Poe and the journals on the desk._

_“Your wife was in possession of them before you were married, almost like they were given to her or left somewhere for her to find.”_

_Kylo shakes his head._

_“No?” Poe doesn’t believe him._

_It’s too much of a coincidence that Mrs. Ren had Kylo’s old journals from when he was a teenager in her possession before she was sent to him before their wedding. And Poe was sure that she had them before that. The girl looked so confused when he had to tell her that she had to go to her husband’s room to receive her punishment for the illegal books she had in her possession, almost like she had forgotten she even had them._

_And there was no one other than Kylo that had access to his own journals, and the means and opportunity to make sure they and the other books found their way to the girl._

_The only thing Poe hadn’t figured out was why. Why would Kylo let the girl that many suspected but no one really knew was to become his wife read his own private journals from when he was a teenager, without her knowing it was written by him?_

_The girl must have gotten a hell of an education reading them._

_Kylo goes into great detail about things he has experienced and his feelings, but he doesn’t leave any clues that could identify him. After reading parts of them, Poe knew that it was impossible to tell the identity of the writer if you didn’t know him personally at the time they were written._

_Kylo still doesn’t say anything, he just keeps his eyes fixed at the journals._

_Poe sees it as his opportunity to continue. He takes a deep breath, “you write about a lot of things that is not exactly on the curriculum for young girls today. So if she has read everything in them she does for instance know what rape is.” Poe scoffs, “she just doesn’t understand that it has happened to her too.”_

_“That’s not the same,” Kylo replies._

_“It’s not?” Poe questions, “she has been fed lies from a young age, she has been controlled, told how to act and that she is nothing more than the property of a man. She has never been given permission to think for herself. So she is not in a position where she is able to give consent, so every time you touch her it’s a violation and every time you take her to bed it’s rape.”_

_Kylo’s silence is surprising. Poe expected that he would be told off, threatened with punishment, by now. Poe sighs, “I am truly sorry that you have felt so alone, so filled with anger that you couldn’t understand where was coming from, and that you felt like no one would understand,” he pauses. There is no turning back. It’s like the floodgates have been opened. He can’t stop now. “but that doesn’t justify joining Palpatine. It doesn’t justify hurting so many lives, murdering people for what you believe is the greater good, and it most certainly doesn’t justify frequently raping a young woman,” Poe feels tears in his eyes, “it’s not right, Ben. And you know it.”_

_Kylo’s eyes go dark, his expression hardens, “I will allow you, only this one time,” he growls, “speak like that to me again and I’ll have you executed.”_

_That wasn’t an empty treat. Poe could see it in Kylo’s eyes, in his entire body language, that he would carry out that treat if Poe pushed the subject any further. Kylo is angry. Angry in a way Poe hasn’t seen him in years._


	16. Chapter 16

“What happens if I can’t give you children?”

The question shouldn’t come as a surprise to him, but it seems to catch him off guard, his cutlery slipping from his hands down onto the plate. They’re in the middle of dinner, and she knows it’s probably not an appropriate subject to discuss right now, but she has to know. It’s constantly on her mind, eating at her.

“Nothing,” he responds without even taking a few seconds to think about it.

She shakes her head at him. That is not a good enough answer, and she knows that can’t be the truth.

He takes a deep breath, sighing, “The Emperor will require me to get a mistress, one that can give me children if you can’t.”

“What happens to me then?” she feels a knot start to form in her stomach, she’s scared of the answer.

“You’ll still be my wife,” he responds, “the children will be yours even if you don’t give birth to them.”

She already knew that, she understood what the red-haired man said when they had dinner with grandfather. What she didn’t know was how life would be if that happened, how she would be treated by both her husband and her grandfather.

“Nothing bad is going to happen,” he says, probably sensing that she’s still worried, “I’ll make sure of that.”

She looks down at her hands to avoid his stare, “you don’t want to have children with me,” she states after a few moments of silence.

It’s the only thing that makes sense. He won’t lay with her anymore. He has rejected her ever since the conversation with grandfather. And now he’s acting like nothing will change even if he takes a mistress.

She doesn’t believe him when he says that nothing bad is going to happen. Grandfather will view her as a failure, and surely someone will find out and she’ll be gossiped about.

“You’re just -,” he hesitates, “you’re just still very young.”

They had been together intimately many times before and all those times she could have gotten pregnant. She can’t understand why he suddenly doesn’t want that anymore, why he’s suddenly worried about her age. She looks up at him, brows furrowed.

“I do want to have children with you,” he insists, meeting her gaze.

“Then why won’t you…” she whispers, voice trailing off.

She doesn’t stay to hear his answer, she pushes the chair back and runs into the bathroom with tears in her eyes.

She hadn’t minded sharing a bed with her husband until now. She feels vulnerable, and her eyes are red from crying silent tears in the bathroom. He’s so close to her when they go to bed so she’s sure he sees it when she lays down next to him that night. A part of her doesn’t want him to see that she’s hurt. Being hurt implies that she feels like she is entitled to something, and she’s not. If her husband doesn’t want to lay with her, if he doesn’t want to have children with her, that is his choice. And she has to do what he wants. 

He moves closer to her, pulling her into his arms, he doesn’t say anything he just holds her, and that is all it takes for her to start crying again. She tries to pull away, to hide, but he holds her tighter.

When she wakes up the next morning her husband isn’t in bed with her, he’s not in the cabin at all. She’s a bit relieved at that. She needs a few moments to herself to collect herself. In a way she feels well rested, but her mind is still filled with all these problems she doesn’t have the answers to.

She takes a long shower and puts on one of the dresses they got for her in town. It’s the dress that is a lot shorter than what she would normally be permitted to wear.

She kind of likes the feeling of wearing it. It gives her sort of a tingling feeling of excitement knowing that she’s wearing something that grandfather would never allow.

She’s standing in front of the kitchen table with her back to the front door, considering if she should set the table for breakfast, when she hears the door open and close then her husband’s footsteps coming towards her.

“You should change.”

His hand is at her back pushing her so she bends over the table, making her cry out in surprise.

“It’s not far from here,” his large palm is at the hem of her dress, “to here,” he says as he strokes up to her core, his fingers ghosting over the fabric of her panties.

“You allowed me to get it,” she whispers into the tabletop.

“Purely selfish reasons for that,” he says.

She moves her head to the side so she can see him in her peripheral.

“I should punish you,” there is a playful twinkle in his eyes, “only bad girls wears a dress like this,” his hand gives her butt a light slap, “are you a bad girl?” his voice is almost like a purr, the corners of his lips tugging up to a slim smile.

Oh, this is a game. He must be pretending, wearing a dress that he allowed her to get is not her being bad.

Is she supposed to say yes even if she hasn’t been bad?

She’s overthinking it, taking too long to answer. He removes his hands from her and takes a step back before she manages to get a word out.

She straightens up and moves so she is facing him. He looks pensive, eyes fixed at her feet, biting down on his bottom lip.

Maybe this is the way to get him to do what needs to be done. Maybe she should play the game he initiated now, pretend that she has been bad. He did seem to like it the time he punished her, and she liked it too. Not the part where he hit her very hard and left her naked and alone on the floor, but she did like it when he spanked her in the beginning and when he entered her from behind, hitting that spot deep inside.

She doesn’t stop to think, overthinking it will just make her not do it. She pulls down her panties and pulls her dress up over her head. When she is completely bare before him, she leans back on the table, spreading her legs.

“Is this something a bad girl would do?” she asks innocently while her fingers stroke over the folds of her vagina.

His eyes narrow at her, “teasing her husband like that, yes,” he growls.

She lets her finger tease the small nub, sighing as she moves them further down into her wet folds.

“So wet,” he sounds pained as he says it, like a wounded animal.

She is wet. The sound of her fingers meeting the smooth flesh, dipping into her, is obscene.

She bites down on her bottom lip, concentrating, as she tries to reach that spot inside her that only he seems to know how to find.

“They’re not big enough,” she groans in resignation, “I need – “ her eyes meets his, “you, inside,” she whines.

His brows furrow, eyes going between her fingers buried between her legs and her face, “why?” he asks breathlessly.

She studies his face. He’s looking for something. He said that he wanted her to want it, and she does. And not just because she has to get pregnant, but also because she knows that the only way to put out what feels like a fire burning inside her is him and his cock stretching her out and hitting that spot inside that makes her see stars.

“Because I want to feel good,” she answers. She doesn’t know how to explain, to convey to him exactly what she means. But by the small twinkle in his eyes she knows that he understands. It didn’t always feel good to lay with him, but on a few occasions he has made her feel good, and that’s what she needs now.

“And what exactly will make you feel good?” he questions.

She whines, “fuck me,” blushing at the word coming out of her mouth. She has heard him use that word many times, but she has never uttered it herself.

The corner of his mouth twitches slightly, then he steps forward removing the hand that is buried between her legs replacing it with his.

He is finally touching her, his large fingers moving inside her in long torturous strokes. 

“Am I a bad girl?” she whispers. Being so forward does make her feel like she’s bad.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he groans, his fingers twisting inside her making her moan at the sensation, “no, you are very good, too good.”

That he calls her sweetheart makes her eyebrows raise in surprise and she feels a faint flutter in her stomach region.

He retreats his hand from her, making her whine, then he grabs her lifting her up and carries her to the bed. As he lays her down he says, “you can be a bad girl another time,” he removes his clothes, the sight of his naked body makes the tingling sensation in her stomach intensify, “just for fun,” he says as he crawls on to the bed to hover over her.

Her hands move over his broad shoulders, down over his chest and then his abs. She’s getting closer to where she knows it will feel good for him. She still doesn’t really know what to do, how to touch him, but she moves her hands over his groin, let them stroke over his cock. His breathing is getting rough as she touches him. He lets her stroke him a few times, then he takes his cock in his hand and angles it between her drenched folds.

Their eyes meet as he thrusts forward, his cock bottoming out inside her in one fluid motion. Her eyes widen and she whimpers at the sensation. She feels so full. It’s like her body has forgotten what it feels like to have him inside.

It’s like their wedding, him on top of her like this, but his movements are different now, it’s gentle when he rocks into her. He’s looking at her too, their faces inches apart, their panting breaths leaving their faces damp and hot. She moans, arching her back, as he hits the good spot inside her, something that makes his steady pace get a bit harder and deeper. It pushes her over the edge, a steady pulsation radiating from her core, squeezing him tightly inside her. He moans as his lips captures hers, then he takes his final thrusts finding his release inside her.


	17. Chapter 17

It’s silence between them.

Surprisingly it feels comfortable. All the problems she couldn’t solve that occupied her mind when she woke up seems to have all been cleared from her head. She hadn’t forgotten them; they are just not as prominently clouding her mind in worry.

Her husband is laying on his back next to her with his eyes closed, breathing deeply.

She turns over on her stomach, resting her head in her hands to look at him. He looks younger when he’s like this.

She wonders how old he is, no one has told her.

His eyes flutter open, gaze finding her as his fingers stroke the side of her body.

She feels the need to thank him for what just happened between them, for the tenderness and pleasure he gave her, for the kisses on her lips. “Thank you, sir,” she says softly.

His lips twitches slightly, “Ben,” he says, “my name is Ben.” There is something in his eyes, something she can’t quite decipher. It looks almost like a sort of hurt, or pain.

“Ben,” she whispers, tasting the feel of the name. She likes it.

She has heard that name before. Mr. Calrissian at the diner called him that, Rey couldn’t understand at the time, so she thought she just misheard or misunderstood.

“Is that the name your parents gave you?” she asks.

He visibly swallows, closing his eyes for a brief second, “I don’t want to talk about my parents,” he says as his eyes open, fixing his gaze at her.

“My name is Rey,” she says quickly. He doesn’t look angry, but she still feels the need to move the conversation along quickly, so they don’t linger at something he doesn’t like.

She feels a bit stupid. He obviously knows what her name is, he has said it a few times now.

“Rey,” he says, just like she said his name after he told her.

She moves closer to him, resting her head on his chest. His strong arms encapsulate her.

He sighs, “we can’t stay in bed all day.”

She wants to object to that. She feels comfortable like this, in his arms.

She moves her hand, stroking slowly up and down over his abs, her hand moves lower earning her a content puff of air from him when her hand meets the tip of his cock. She smiles into his chest when she feels that he’s getting hard under her touch.

“Insatiable little thing,” he murmurs as she moves her hand even lower, now gently stroking over the length of his cock. His hand encircles her wrist, stopping her movements, “don’t tease me,” he says in a hoarse whisper, “unless you plan to follow through.”

She moves her head to look at him. His eyebrows are raised at her, like he is posing it as a question. She does feel a bit sore after just taking him inside her, but it doesn’t hurt. It’s more like a comfortable throbbing between her legs reminding her of just how good it can feel to have her husband inside her. It’s something she has rarely experienced after being with him.

Her lashes flutter and she bite down on her bottom lip as she looks away from him.

She’s not sure exactly what she wants to happen from here. She didn’t have a plan when she started touching him.

“Don’t be shy,” he whispers, “tell me what you want.”

She worries her lip between her teeth, “I don’t know,” she says, eyes not meeting his.

This has been good for both of them, and she has been good, he said so himself. Maybe she just wants that to continue.

He sighs, hands moving down her body gripping at her waist. He moves her so easily, like she’s a rag doll, to straddle his chest. He’s moving her upwards, towards his face. She squeals as her core is right over his mouth and she feels his tongue licking over the sensitive skin.

He can’t want this. She’s sitting on his face, she could suffocate him.

But he doesn’t seem to care about the danger of suffocating she realizes when his hands grab her thighs to hold her firmly in place. His lips start moving against her, he’s licking into her, eating her like she’s his favorite meal.

It feels so wrong being on top of him like this.

She’s squirming, trying to brace herself against the wall behind the bed, as he’s devouring her.

He makes a sound, like a content hum, that vibrates against her, and it makes her lose control. Her hips start moving against him, she’s rubbing her most sensitive parts against his face. His nose is right at the nub, and if she moves against it, it makes pleasure radiate through her. His tongue is fully inside her now, moving in and out of her as she rubs herself on him.

She’s panting, moaning loudly, as the nub tingles and her insides contract. She can feel the wetness gush out of her as she screams out in pleasure, and he slurps it all up, still humming contently against her.

She moves off his face down to straddle his hips, her upper body collapsing on top of him. She’s panting as the feeling slowly subsides.

She looks up at his face full of her juices just as he licks his lips. It makes her blush. She still can’t believe that he actually seems to like the taste of her down there.

Her face feels hot. She still feels like it’s wrong, a wife shouldn’t act like she just did, using her husband’s face like that, but it felt so good.

She peeks up at him, “I want to make you feel good too.”

His hands stroke down her back to her hips, moving her so her vagina is directly over his cock, while a small smirk plays at his lips.

She has rarely had the option to look at his face when he’s taken her, and the few times the position allowed her to look at him she has chosen not to, she has closed her eyes or burrowed her face into something to avoid having to look at him.

Now it’s different.

As she slowly descends on his cock, every inch gently being engulfed by her flesh, she keeps eye contact with him. She watches how his gaze twinkles with lust, how soft his lips part with a low moan escaping him when the tip of him hits the deepest spot inside her.

His features are contorted into a look of pleasure, just pure bliss, when she rocks her hips letting his cock slide inside her velvety heat.

Being on top of him like this, seeing his face filled with such pleasure and to know that she is the one giving it to him makes her feel like in this moment she wields some kind of power over him.

When he moans loudly, planting his seed inside her, she feels just as satisfied as he looks knowing that she made him feel like that.

He pulls her head down to him placing a soft kiss to her lips. “Thank you, Ben,” she whispers against his lips, smiling into the kiss.


	18. Chapter 18

Their bodies are melded together. He fits so perfectly against her, and inside her. He’s making her body sing at the sensation of him. He holds her tight and kisses her lips as he moves inside her, giving her the most divine pleasure. 

Finally, she feels like they are one, like husband and wife should be.

“Ben,” she sighs happily as he settles next to her on the bed. She can’t get enough of his name. She likes saying it, she likes screaming it out loud as he brings her to climax.

They’re warm and sweaty from the coupling, but she doesn’t care, she snuggles up next to him. He lets his arms wrap around her while she breathes deeply, letting her body come down slowly from the high.

“We have to go home tomorrow,” he says after they have been laying there in silence for a while.

“Can’t we stay a bit longer?” she asks. She has enjoyed their days alone and she doesn’t want it to end.

She doesn’t want to let go of what they have had in this place so soon. It might be different when they go back home, she hopes it won’t, but she knows that it probably won’t be the same as the way it has been the last few days.

Things are different now. When he’s touching her it’s different than it was before. When he’s intimate with her his touches can be similar to those before, but they feel different, they have tenderness and emotion now.

He’s different. He isn’t hard and dark like he was before.

She is scared of his darkness coming back. She was so scared that she didn’t want to let herself live in the moment; she was scared that if she did she wouldn’t bear if it got taken away.

She has let her guard down now, allowed herself to live in the moment, and to take every good thing he’s offering her.

She is still scared of him changing, even if she thinks she can handle it if that happens.

If something changes for the worse, she’ll still have the good moments locked away inside her. She has something now that she can hold on to. Hopefully, that will be enough for her if he changes back to the way he was before.

He takes a deep breath, sighing, “I have duties that require my attention.”

She nods against his chest. She understands. He’s an important man. He has probably been away too long already.

“This place,” he lifts a hand to gesture to the cabin around them, “you can’t tell anyone about it.”

She nods again. She has come to understand that this little secluded cabin is her husband’s secret, it has to be since he hadn’t brought any security or servants with them.

“And when we get home,” he pauses, “you’ll address me as Mr. Ren or sir.”

Her brows furrow in confusion, “I can’t call you Ben?” she asks.

“I’ll allow it only when we’re alone. No one can hear you say that name, do you understand?” he says, voice getting a bit deeper.

“Yes,” she replies. She doesn’t really understand, but she’ll do as he says.

“I wish we could stay longer,” she whispers into his chest, letting her lips press a kiss to his soft skin.

He sighs as he pulls her closer.

~*~

When Kylo arrives home, Poe breathes a sigh of relief. After their last interaction Poe is surprised that he feels that way. But the Knight has been an absolute nightmare the last few days.

The Knights always gets a little antsy when their master isn’t there. They are honestly like a bunch of teenagers, too much testosterone flowing inside them that they don’t seem to know what to do with if they’re not given a sense of direction from their master.

Even if Poe is relieved that Kylo is back since it keeps the Knights in line, and things does seem to run a bit smoother overall when he’s home, Poe is also concerned, for Mrs. Ren and also for himself. 

Thankfully, Mrs. Ren looks like she’s in good shape, so hopefully it hasn’t been too horrible for her spending time alone with Kylo.

Regarding himself he’s not so sure how it’s going to play out. Kylo was very angry the last time they spoke. Poe hit a nerve. He stepped over a line. But he felt like he had to. He’s just a bit worried about the consequences.

Kylo barely looks at him when he enters the house, he just strolls right past Poe, probably to find the Knights or barricade himself in his office.

Mrs. Ren on the other hand offers Poe a small smile when she enters the house.

She does look better than she did the last time he saw her. She looks well rested and like she has actually eaten while she’s been away. Her eyes seem brighter, or that is until Poe carries her things up to her room.

Her face falls as Poe opens the door, and the brightness in her eyes is gone as she takes in her old room. It’s just as it was. Poe arranged for her belongings to be brought back while she and Kylo was away. He thought that she’d appreciate that. But it seems like he was mistaken.

“Is something...” he stops himself. He wants to ask her if something is wrong. He can tell that it obviously is something.

She bites down on her lip and shakes her head.

There is not much more he can do for Mrs. Ren. He has tried to talk some sense into Kylo several times now. He can’t continue to do that, not after how angry Kylo was the last time. He tried.

He bites his tongue to keep himself from bringing it up again when he enters Kylo’s office after he has helped Mrs. Ren settle into her room.

“Sir,” he says bowing his head slightly as he enters the room.

Kylo doesn’t look up from the papers he is currently reading, he just motions for Poe to sit.

Every time Kylo has been away there is a lot for him to catch up on. He likes to have a brief meeting with Poe as soon as he gets back to check that everything at the house is running smoothly and to give Poe instruction if there is anything else Poe needs to do.

“The Knights,” Kylo starts, still not looking up from the papers in his hands, “they’re in need of some stress relief.”

Poe huffs slightly. That’s a nice way to put it.

They were highly trained soldiers. When their skillset wasn’t being put to good use, they needed an outlet.

“I’ll call right away,” Poe says.

“Good,” Kylo nods, “tonight works well.”

Poe hates it. He truly hates when he has to call that seedy brothel.

“Have them come here,” Kylo continues. Poe’s eyebrows raise in surprise. Normally Kylo would just have Poe call and inform that the Knights were coming to ensure that they got the best girls and service befitting their standing in society.

Poe was sure that Kylo had also used the kind of services a brothel provides in the past, but Kylo had to Poe’s knowledge never joined the Knights, and he had never requested that the prostitutes came to the house. Poe didn’t like it; it was however better than Mrs. Ren having to endure another night with him.

~*~

She feared that this would happen. That they would get home and that everything would change again.

She’s back in her old room. She thought that he’d maybe let her stay in his room. That they’d share a bed now, just like they had done at the cabin. She had found that she enjoyed sleeping next to him.

She hasn’t seen him since this morning when they came home, and he walked off to his office. It hasn’t even been a day, and she can’t handle it. She feared that it would go back to the way it was, and she thought that she could handle it. But as she tries to go to sleep that night, she finds that she can’t. She misses the feeling of him next to her.

She’s hungry too. Poe brought some food to her room around dinnertime, Mr. Ren was busy, he said. She hadn’t touched her dinner and it’s cold and inedible now.

She knows he’s an important man, and with that he had a lot of things to take care of. She just hoped that he’d also find some time to spend with her, even if it’s just having dinner together or sleeping in the same bed as her.

She can’t cook but she finds herself getting out of bed and making her way downstairs to the kitchen. There is probably something she can figure out how to make without having to wake someone up to help her.

Her brows furrow slightly as she’s walking down the stairs. It’s late but the lights are still on, and she can hear noises coming from the living room. The door is ajar.

She walks towards the sound without thinking what might meet her once she peeks into the room, regretting her decision to go downstairs the second she takes in the scene in front of her.

Her husband and the Knights are there, something that is not so strange since they live in the house, but it’s not them that makes her eyebrows raise further and a small squeak leave her lips.

There are women there. Women in only their underwear. Some of them are dancing, rubbing against each other, others are sitting on some of the Knights laps, grinding on them. 

She feels tears prickle at the corners of her eyes as one woman, a pretty blonde, only wearing bright pink lacy underwear, moves towards her husband. She unclasps her bra, letting it fall to the floor, revealing her large naked breasts to him.

Rey doesn’t stay to watch what happens next. With tears streaming down her face she runs back to her room to hide under the covers while she sobs herself into a horrible night’s sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

“Don’t touch me,” he hisses. His hand is at her throat, firm grip around it. She’s gasping for air, her hands clawing at his chest. He’s standing up and in a swift motion he moves so he has the woman pinned against the nearest wall.

“You will never have permission to touch me,” he growls angrily at her.

“Please,” the woman vails. Her face is at the verge of turning blue when he finally loosens his grip. The woman falls to the floor as he steps away from her.

“Filthy whore,” he mutters under his breath as he walks out of the room.

The whore probably thought he was there to fuck one of them. He thought he was there for that too. He needed that, like a sort of palate cleanser. But as she got naked in front of him and proceeded to get in his lap all he felt was anger.

He is still angry as he enters his office. He picks up the papers marked ‘urgent’ that Palpatine had sent him earlier and rips them into tiny pieces.

“Fucking shit,” he curses, his fist meeting the hard wall.

He should go to bed.

He just can’t. He knows where he wants to sleep.

He wants to lay next to her. He wants to listen to her soft breathing and he wants to feel her soft petite body against him as he drifts off to sleep.

He starts moving, pushing away all the thoughts that tells him not to as he walks to her bedroom.

He leans his forehead against the door, breathing deeply.

He can hear sounds coming from inside her room. Sobs.

She’s crying.

He did that. There is no doubt in his mind that she is crying because of him.

He gave her something good, and now he’s taking it away again. It’s only been a day, but she knows.

She’s not stupid. Her education is limited, and she is a bit naïve, but she’s not stupid.

He shakes his head. He can’t go in there.

Her eyes are red around the edges, the skin beneath them puffy. It’s obvious that’s she’s been crying.

She probably hasn’t slept all night.

Kylo diverts his eyes. He can’t look at her.

“Your wife requested to speak with you,” Poe says as he shows her into Kylo’s office.

Poe has noticed the state of her, of course.

He’s looking between them, eyes wide and lips pressed firmly together. He’s probably working very hard to keep himself from saying something.

Thankfully Poe keeps his mouth shut. Kylo doesn’t want to have to punish him. He has never really wanted that, even if he has done it in the past. Poe just needed to get in line, and he has, for the most part.

Without looking at her he gestures for her to take a seat in the chair in front of his desk after Poe has left the room, shutting the door behind him.

“Sir,” her voice is low, weak, “I’m sorry.”

Kylo’s eyes snaps to hers. She looks down at her folded hands in her lap. She’s scared of looking at him.

He takes a deep breath, swallowing, “what for?” he asks.

It’s highly unusual that a wife requests to speak with her husband like this. Women usually waits for their men to take the lead.

“For not being good enough for you,” she says, her voice is shaking. She’s on the verge of crying. “I need to give you a child,” she snivels, “Please, I’ll do whatever you ask of me,”

She’s right about that. If she doesn’t get pregnant her grandfather has ordered her execution, and it’s her husband that will have to carry it out.

All that talk about mistresses is only for show. Kylo knows what Palpatine really wants. If she can’t be used for something, like providing heirs, he wants her gone. Palpatine will never admit it but she reminds him too much his son, and Palpatine thinks his son betrayed him by not supporting him when he created the Empire.

Kylo looks away from her again.

She’s in this position because of him. He made the decisions for her, putting her on birth control without anyone’s knowledge. He thought it would give them some more time, that she wouldn’t have to become a mother at seventeen. But Palpatine is forcing Kylo’s hand with his ultimatum.

She takes a deep breath, looking up at him again, “I know you have already found someone else,” her voice breaks, a soft sob leaving her.

Kylo’s brows furrow in confusion.

Her eyes hesitantly dart between the desk and his face, “I saw you last night,” she whispers.

“Shit,” Kylo mutters, more to himself than to her.

His reaction makes her curl in on herself. She has done that before when she’s scared, when he has said or done something that frightens her, or she thinks he’ll punish her.

She was never supposed to know. He just thought he needed something to clear his head after being so close to her for the last couple of days. He felt like he was losing focus.

He thought fucking some nameless whore would help. But he couldn’t do it. The woman’s naked body, and her hands on him, repulsed him, and it made him angry. 

He doesn’t owe his wife an explanation. Not according to the law. She belongs to him. And since he’s a man, and the Emperor’s most trusted man, he can do whatever he wants. She knows that too.

This has probably never happened since the Empire was created, Kylo highly doubts that a wife has confronted her husband about his suspected infidelity.

He had fucked other women in the past, but since he married her he hasn’t been with anyone else. He doesn’t have to explain himself to her, but he suddenly feels the need to make her understand that he hasn’t been unfaithful to her.

He stops himself. Starting to explain will only lead to him having to tell her some truths that he doesn’t want to admit, even to himself. He can’t do it.

“I won’t take a mistress” he says instead, after a few moments of pressing silence.

Her mouth open and closes a few times, she looks like she wants to say something but can’t get the words out.

She doesn’t believe him. He didn’t expect her to.

He feels a sort of stinging pain in his chest at what he does next.

He stands up and walks around the desk so he’s standing in front of her, he grabs the back of her dress pulling her up into a standing position.

It’s better that she hates him. It’s easier. Hate is not complicated. He understands hate.

Poe’s words ring in his ears as he bends her over the desk. He tries to push them away as he rips her panties off her.

He gave her a peek inside him. He let her see parts of the tiny little piece of his old self that was left in him, the one piece that he hadn’t eradicated yet.

He let her speak his given name. He touched her tenderly. He gave her the intimacy she craved.

He let her have that.

Now he’s taking it away.

As he frees his cock from its confinements, all he hears are Poe’s words.

_“Every time you touch her it’s a violation and every time you take her to bed it’s rape,”_ plays on a loop in his head as he strokes his cock to life.

_“It’s not right, Ben. And you know it,”_ joins in as he places a hand at the small of her back while he guides his cock towards her cunt.

He knows what he’s doing to her. He knows that this, being used by him like this again, will hurt her more than anything.

He takes a deep breath, trying to make the voice in his head stop.

He knows that there is actually a chance that she could get pregnant from this, if she isn’t already, the protection from the birth control shot have most likely worn off by now.

He thought he didn’t want his children to be conceived like this. But it really won’t make a difference. He has done this to her so many times before that he has lost count.

He closes his eyes while he breathes deeply. She’ll hate him.

Well, she already does.

He growls angrily. It won’t stop.

It’s nothing new, he hates himself too. More than anything he hates himself.

His hold on her loosens and he steps away. Shit. He can’t even get hard enough to fuck her now, not with that stupid voice in his head refusing to stop.

She hesitantly faces him. It’s not hate that paints her features, it’s sadness, sorrow. Her eyes are wide, tears running down her cheeks. “Ben,” she whispers as she takes a step towards him.

Her small hand cups his cheek as she leans up to place a hesitant kiss to his skin.

He wants to order her not to call him that ever again.

He wants to scream at her, he wants to push her away.

As she embraces him, he can’t help but lean into the touch. She’s so small, so soft. She’s so good, she’s too good.

He has hurt her so many times.

Even after everything that has happened, after everything he has done to her, she still shows him affection. He scoffs. She doesn’t have much of a choice. If she could choose, she’d probably hit him, or get away from him as fast as she could.

He wants to push her away, but he still wraps his arms around her.

He feels weak.

But he’s not weak. He’s Kylo Ren. Second in command to the Emperor. He helped overthrow a government, and he helped build a new one.

He’s not fucking weak.


	20. Chapter 20

He is tossing and turning. Skin glistening with sweat. He’s mumbling something.

His restless sleep wakes her, she blinks a few times taking in her surroundings.

He picked her up and carried from his office to her room and they fell asleep in her bed. The sun is shining through the windows, it’s the middle of the day.

She needed that. She barely slept last night.

He didn’t seem fully rested earlier either, he had dark circles under his eyes.

Now his features look pained, he must be having a nightmare.

Rey used to have horrible nightmares. When she was young, after she came to live with grandfather, she had them every night. They were always the same. She was being pulled out from her safe place, dark blurry figures in masks were dragging her away. She woke up screaming in the middle of the night. The nightmare was always so vivid that she thought it was something that was actually happening. It got so bad that her governess had to sleep in her room.

That dream came back sometimes, not as often as when she was younger, but it was always just as horrible and vivid as it was then.

He hurt her. He made her feel rejected, like she wasn’t good enough. All she wants is to be good for him. She wants to show him that she can live up to his expectations of her, so he won’t have to find what he needs elsewhere. Seeing him with someone else pierced her heart, she cried all night from the pain she felt inside.

She bites down on her lip as she looks at him, contemplating what to do. She doesn’t want him to be in pain like he seems to be now from his bad dream. She has to wake him, let him escape the nightmare. She places her hand on his chest and gently shakes him. His eyes shot open, wildly looking around him before they settle on her, he’s panting, nostrils flaring.

She wants to ask him if he’s ok, but she doesn’t. She’s afraid he’ll punish her for his obvious distress even if she isn’t causing it.

His breathing settles into a normal rhythm just as he lifts his hand up to tangle in her hair. He pulls her closer to him, let’s her head rest on his chest. His heart is beating fast. He strokes his hand over her hair, letting her relax into him. She closes her eyes, focusing only on feeling him. She likes being in his arms. She feels good when he’s holding her like this.

They lay like that for a while, just holding each other. She doesn’t want this moment to end. It’s like it was at the cabin.

He pulls her up towards him, so they’re face to face. His anger from earlier in the day, his distress from his bad dream, is gone. He looks relaxed. His fingers stroke down her jawline as he leans in to press his lips against hers. She opens her mouth, a content sigh leaving her as she lets him in.

Their slick wet tongues meet and starts slowly dancing around each other. He pulls her closer, his lips more intent. His hands are all over her, stroking her body, pulling her as close to him as she can get.

~*~

He felt calmer when he was holding her and kissing her like this. It was strange. He felt that at the cabin too. After a while he felt a strange sense of calm when he was around her.

When it was just the two of them alone it was easier to forget.

He thought he could forget. He thought that he could give into the part of him that he had worked so hard over so many years to destroy.

But nothing was that easy.

When he got a moment to think, to snap out of it, it bothered him.

He wasn’t that man, that boy really, that he was before.

She wants him to be. She prefers that part of him. She prefers Ben.

But he isn’t Ben. Ben died a long time ago, he was destroyed, and in the ruins of his old self Kylo was created.

It was like a very stubborn ghost was haunting him. Sometimes it all came back. He got stuck in his mind. He got stuck in old memories. Memories that had been good, memories of his parents, memories of his old life as Ben Solo. Those memories were bad now. He was still holding on, and he felt weak again.

Sometimes the memories that haunted him were from after he became Kylo Ren. He had done everything the Emperor commanded and he had become the Emperor’s most trusted man. He had crushed everyone that stood against them. He had done everything in his power to ensure that the Empire was created. And he had quashed the unworthy weak boy that was Ben Solo in the process.

Those memories weren’t necessarily bad. It was just little things.

Like that frightened little girl, hiding from them as they on orders from the Emperor came to destroy her family. Her eyes were still the same, and that is what haunted him.

He couldn’t kill her then; she was just a kid. Instead he convinced the Emperor to spare her life.

She was useful, it made Palpatine seem more approachable to the people. Like he was a kind old man that took in his orphaned granddaughter.

Now Kylo paid the price for that decision.

He never thought the Emperor would make him marry her. He is sixteen years her senior, not unheard of but there were more age appropriate matches for them both.

He didn’t want it. He was perfectly fine without a wife.

It was his punishment for sparing her life, having to marry her, and Palpatine’s most recent ultimatum.

If he’d known that Palpatine was going to make him kill her if she didn’t get pregnant, he would never had put her on birth control. He would have knocked her up as soon as possible.

It was probably too late now. Her birthday is only two months away.

He’s going to lose her. He has to take her life, and he has to keep on living without her.

He pushes that train of thought away.

He’s not attached. He can’t be.

He had worked so hard to distance himself from her. He had made her fear him. He had used her sexually just for his own pleasure, and as another means to make her fear him.

He couldn’t be attached just because of some stupid moments where it felt like she likes him.

She gave it so easily. She gave him everything, let him have all of her. Sometimes he thought she might actually love him.

But how can he trust her love when he doesn’t trust her mind?

She has never made her own decisions, she has never been allowed to really think for herself.

She’s forced to be with him. She has to sleep with him. She has to do as he commands.

If he really let her get to know him and she could choose, she’d never choose to be with him.


	21. Chapter 21

Kylo’s eyebrow raise in surprise. He never expected to find her there, in his office, standing right in front of his desk.

She must know that entering his office without an invitation is forbidden.

Her eyes are wide and she’s biting down on her lip, as he steps into the room, closing the door behind him. She does know that she is not supposed to be there.

She’s wearing that short dress again, the one he allowed her to get against his better judgment. The fabric of the dress is barely covering her ass, and the way it clings to her petite frame, just watching her in it makes blood rush fast through his veins and directly to his cock.

He takes a seat behind the desk, eyes searching her face. She was waiting for him for a reason. And by wearing that dress she sends a very clear signal of what that reason is. He just wants to see how it plays out, what she’ll do.

She takes a deep breath before she peels the dress of her body, letting it fall to the floor.

His eyes widen just a fraction. To his knowledge his wife’s underwear collection consisted solely of sensible bras and panties made of cotton, always white or grey. What she was wearing now was not that. It was red, made out of a lacy material.

His eyes search her face. She looks nervous.

His mouth falls open as she walks around the desk. Her movements are slow, almost seductive.

“Do – “her voice shakes, “you like it?” she asks when she is standing right in front of him.

He does.

How she came into possession of the underwear she is currently wearing he doesn’t know, he hadn’t bought it for her, and he was sure the Emperor would never approve of it.

He pushes her back on the desk, finding that he doesn’t really care how she got it. She’s so clearly trying to seduce him, and he’s not about to put a stop to it.

“I’ve been a bad girl,” she whispers when his hands stroke down her body.

He’s surprised. Seducing him into fucking her on his desk is one thing, what she’s implying now is something else.

He had put that out there before, but he never thought that she would initiate it.

“Sir?” she says, her voice is small, shaking, when he doesn’t reply. He’s just staring down at her body draped over his desk.

After their last conversation in his office, after they fell asleep in her bed, he had tried not to overthink it, not to let his thoughts rule him. He had tried to live in the moment with her, just like he had at the cabin.

He knew she felt it too, the calm good feeling of just being, of not letting the past or all the what if’s rule their interactions. He could sleep in her bed, he could hold her, he could even fuck her without overthinking it.

He shakes his head slightly, making himself snap out of it, he’s not going to overthink this. He’s not going to ask himself why she is doing this, why she’s initiating sex with him like this, why she wants to play into his fantasies.

“And what happens to bad girls?” he asks, his voice coming out like a gruff whisper.

“They get punished,” she whispers back.

Kylo’s mouth twists into a smirk as he straightens up, his eyes meet hers, “yes they do.”

He knows just what he wants to do with her he thinks as he leans down to the bottom drawer in his desk. He hadn’t made use of his little stash of toys for a while. That came to an end when he married her, and he never thought he would use it with her.

She’s shuffling a bit on the desktop when she hears the drawer opening. He looks up, eyes meeting hers, as he retrieves a bottle of lube and a butt plug. Her eyes are wide, pupils blown, a slight pink flush has settled on her cheeks and chest.

Kylo takes in her appearance as he coats the plug with the lube. Her eyes gets even wider as he pulls her panties off her before he presses the plug to her asshole. It’s going to sting a bit. The plug is not that big, but it is thicker than his fingers. She could probably have done with one of his fingers as a warmup, but he wants to see and hear her reaction. 

He’s not disappointed, a mix between a shriek and a moan leaves her pretty pink lips as he pushes the plug into her.

He chuckles a bit to himself as he retrieves nipple clamps from the drawer, pushing the cups of her bra aside to fasten them, earning him another moan.

She’s so wet already, her pussy glistening.

“Get dressed,” he says, straightening up, while he fixes the front of his pants where his cock is pushing harshly into the fabric. “It’s time for dinner.”

Her mouth falls open, and she looks at him with a shocked expression painting her features.

She didn’t expect that. She probably thought he would spank her or something like that. And he wants that too, but first he wants to watch her squirm in her seat while they have dinner.

Just knowing what is hiding under her clothes, how she has to struggle to keep a straight face, makes him so fucking hard. 

Her eyes are wide as they eat, and by the end tears are forming at the edges of her eyes. She’s looking at him, eyes wild. She’s struggling, and he is going to toy with her and her body until she is begging him for release. But before she starts to beg over the dinner table he stands up, “in my office,” he says directed at her before he starts moving.

He can hear her panting breaths behind him, it must be the nipple clamps causing her distress.

So they are the first thing he tends to after she is naked on top of his desk again. She whimpers as he removes them, her whimpers turning into sobbing moans as he bends down to lick around her sore nipples before sucking one of her breasts into his mouth.

He likes her tits. They’re a perfect handful with soft pink nipples, just begging to be licked and sucked.

She must be crying, the sounds leaving her indicated it. He detaches himself from her chest, looking from the flushed skin of her chest to her face. Tears are staining her cheeks.

“Punishment can come in many forms,” he says as he places his hand between her legs, “and we are not done yet.”

She nods slightly.

She’s sopping wet between her legs, her cunt pulsating with need. He lifts his hand, smiling to himself as he lets his palm come down hard on the sensitive flesh.

She gasps, instinctively trying to close her legs. But he won’t let her, he forces her legs open again, “you wanted to be punished,” he reminds her, “take it like a good girl,” he hisses as he slaps her pussy again. This time she whimpers but she still keeps her shaking legs open.

He slaps her cunt a few more times, enjoying the sound she makes when the spanks land on the sensitive flesh, how her legs are shaking and how she’s struggling to keep them open, and not give into her instinct to close them and get away from his hand.

She would never tell him to stop, no matter how distressed or in pain she is. He knows this. Still he let himself get carried away, enjoying what he is doing to her and how she is reacting. It’s not until he places his large hand around her throat, lightly squeezing, while he lets two fingers slowly rub her clit in what is designed to be a torturous motion, pushing her towards the edge but not quite letting her get there, that he realizes how far he has pushed her. And that it’s too far.

Her cheeks are stained with fresh tears and her eyes are so wide, filled with what can only be described as fear.

He lets go of her as if she burned him, taking a step back from her while he breathes deeply.

It was supposed to be for fun. It was going to hurt a bit, make her squirm, but it was also supposed to be good, for her enjoyment too.

She sits up quickly, lips quivering, “No,” she reaches out for him, “please continue.”

He shakes his head.

He’s hurting her again. The thought of that makes his mind starts racing again. He likes it. He likes hurting her. He likes seeing and hearing her when she’s distressed or in pain.

He did already know that. He had just avoided thinking about it, and about why he liked it, as best as he could.

Now it was so obvious. He suddenly couldn’t avoid it.

She initiated it, but she couldn’t stop him once he started.

She can’t say no. She didn’t have anything to protect her if he went too far, she didn’t have a safe word or a way out.

“Ben,” her hand finds his arm lightly squeezing it, “please.”

He shakes his head again. She didn’t really want this. She only did this to please him. And now she didn’t want him to stop since she could see the obvious bulge in his pants, how turned on he was from treating her like that.

He looks down at the floor, at her discarded underwear.

“Why?” his eyes meet hers, “why did you dress up like that and ask me to punish you?”

He suddenly feels a desperate need to know what is going on inside his wife’s head.

She looks away from him, biting down on her bottom lip nervously, “I thought you would like it,” she whispers.

“I do like it,” he says as he steps towards her, his hands finding her hips pulling her to the edge of the desk. He swallows back a lump in his throat as he pulls down his pants finally releasing his cock.

A faint smile at her lips meet him when his eyes finds her face again.

When he pushes into her it’s like heaven. She is so gloriously tight and wet, it’s like sinking into velvet that hugs him snugly. He groans at the sensation.

She is panting as he bottoms out, her hands gripping his arms for purchase.

“How does it feel?” he asks.

“Full,” she gasps when he moves inside her.

He moves, his cock dragging against the smooth walls of her cunt before he slams his hips into her, making her moan. It’s probably a more intense feeling with the butt plug also filling her up.

“Do you like it?” he asks as he thrusts shallowly into her.

“Yeah,” she breathes.

She’s truly a vision. Her eyes are glassy, hooded, a soft pink tint coating her face and chest. Her lips, wet and bitten, parted as she moans when he fucks her.

He leans into her neck as he picks up the pace, “tell me to stop if I’m hurting you,” he whispers into her neck. He didn’t know why he said it, and a part of him didn’t want her to hear it.

He doesn’t dwell on it; he closes his eyes and loses himself inside her.

He fucks her until she squeezes him tighter and convulses around him, and then he finally lets go moaning loudly into her neck.

As he comes down from the high, moving off her to look at her, his mind starts racing again, unwelcome thoughts forcing themselves to the forefront if his mind.

She had never seen anything provocative, all she knew about sex and intimacy she had learned from him. And he had never asked her to act like she did when he found her in his office or put on lingerie.

“Why did you think I would like it?” he asks.

The sated post-orgasm look on her face changes into a nervous expression.

She swallows nervously, “the woman I saw you with..” she stops, looking away from him.

He moves his hand to her jaw, turning her head back to look at him.

“I didn’t touch her,” he sighs, “I couldn’t.” Being honest with her is something he should have been before. He should have reassured her. He just couldn’t. It stings in his chest as he watches her, “I will never be with anyone other than you.”

She nods, a relived sigh leaving her as smile forms on her lips.

That was apparently what she needed.


	22. Chapter 22

“Rey,” he mumbles into her neck, “where did you get the underwear?”

She hesitates. He can’t really be mad at her. He liked it.

“I got Poe to drive me into town, and I got him to give me some money,” she answers.

Ben huffs, “resourceful little thing,” he pulls her closer, placing a small kiss under her ear.

He takes a deep breath as he sits up, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

He’s not a morning person, she has learned that about him. It usually takes him until after breakfast to seem ready for the new day.

She still hasn’t gotten completely used to sharing her room with her husband. She found it a bit strange that they slept in her room and not his, but she didn’t question it.

He sighs, “I have to go away for a few days.”

“Can I come with you?” she blurts out without thinking.

She blushes at her forwardness.

If he wanted her to join him, he would have said so. She just didn’t want him to leave her when things felt good as they did now. If he left she was scared that when he came back things between them would have changed for the worse, again. If she is with him, she feels like she might be able to have a little bit of control over what happens, and if something was changing maybe she would be able to stop it.

“You want to come with me?” he sounds surprised.

She nods, “yes.”

He shrugs, “if you want to join me, you can.”

She smiles as he leans down to give her another kiss, this time on her lips. His arm moves under the covers stroking down her body.

“Are you sore?”

“No, not – “she mumbles. She should be honest. “A bit.”

She was sore after he slapped her down there. It didn’t hurt, not really. It was more like the feeling she usually had after they had been together, just a bit sorer.

She was so happy that he allowed her to come. She didn’t ask where they were going, she didn’t ask any questions or say anything as they’re driving to whatever their destination is. She doesn’t since Ben seems calm, leaning back in his seat, his hand on her thigh, thumb rubbing small circles into her flesh.

She has learned that when he is like that she shouldn’t do anything to disrupt it. She likes it when he’s calm and relaxed.

Their party consists of three cars, the Knights in the first and last car, probably for protection, and Ben and Rey in the car in the middle, being driven by Poe.

“We should stop before nightfall,” Ben says a few hours into their drive, “find somewhere to spend the night.”

Poe clears his throat, his eyes darting between the rare view mirror and the road, “I’ve already arranged for us to stay at Skywalker Ranch,” he swallows, “it’s on the way and you own it so I thought..” he babbles. He seems nervous.

Ben sighs, “fine,” he replies after a few moments of pressing silence.

“That’s where we got married,” Rey says.

Ben nods, his hand squeezing her thigh lightly.

After the old man at The Ranch cornered in the hallway at her wedding, rambling on like a madman, she wasn’t keen on being alone with him again.

Thankfully, she didn’t have to. Ben didn’t seem to want her far from his side. His arm around her, pulling her to his side from the moment they stepped out of the car.

Her perception of the old man starts changing during dinner, he seems kind, he’s smiling every time he looks at her and Ben.

“So, where are you going?” the old man asks.

“General Pryde’s,” Ben responds, “he’s getting married.”

“Again?” the old man’s eyebrows raise in surprise.

Ben snorts, “yeah, his third.”

“Well,” the old man looks between them, “not everyone can be so lucky to find their soulmate.”

Ben just shakes his head at the old man.

“Do you live here alone?” Rey asks, changing the subject.

“Just me and some servants,” the old man replies, “used to live here with my wife and son, but they’re gone now,” the old man’s gaze briefly lands on Ben, he looks away when Ben meets his gaze. His lips pressing tightly together, his look downcast. He looks sad.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Rey quickly says. She didn’t mean to touch on a sore subject.

Ben scoffs. He’s giving the old man a pointed look.

Rey looks between them. There is obviously something going on, it’s like the two men are having a conversation other than the words they speak.

“No,” the old man sighs, “I’m sorry,” he says while he looks at Ben.

Ben’s eyes narrow at the old man.

“I would do anything..” the old man starts.

“That’s enough,” Ben cuts him off, his voice comes out like a growl.

Ben is breathing deeply and his fists are clenched by his sides. He looks angry.

~*~

Han pours two drinks, handing one to Kylo. Kylo takes it, but he’s not there to share a drink with him. If it were up to Kylo he’d be in bed with his wife right now, but since Han doesn’t seem to be able to abide by Kylo’s rules Kylo has to talk to him.

“You live here, quite comfortably, at my discretion,” he hisses, “all you have to do is what you’re told, and I will not have displays like that in front of my wife or anyone else for that matter.”

Kylo sent Rey off to their room after dinner. He didn’t want her there when he spoke to Han.

He knew Han couldn’t keep his mouth shut, he always ended up doing or saying something Kylo didn’t like.

“Ben,” Han sighs.

“I’m not Ben,” Kylo hisses.

Han sighs again, “okay, Mr. Ren, I’ll behave,” he gestures to the drinks, “just have a drink with me.”

Kylo leans back in his chair while he takes a sip of his drink. It’s strong. Something Han must have brewed himself. He coughs a little.

“I don’t want to hear about you getting caught selling something on the black market,” Kylo says.

Han lightly chuckles. Kylo chuckles a little too. In the old days Han would have done something like that, and Kylo wouldn’t be surprised if he did it now too. Kylo wouldn’t be mad if he did. It was just so typical Han.

They drink in silence. Almost comfortably.

Kylo always found that strange. He rarely saw Han, but the times he did, when they were alone, it could be comfortable like this. Or that was until Han decided to say something Kylo didn’t want to hear, and he always did. Han couldn’t just leave it.

“Do you love her?” Han asks breaking the comfortable silence that had been building.

Kylo scoffs. As if the old man has earned being privy to Kylo’s feelings and personal life.

Han sighs, “All your mother and I ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

That angered Kylo more than anything Han had ever said or done before. “so naturally you sent me away,” Kylo scoffs.

Kylo was angry as a teenager. He had this feeling inside him that he just couldn’t understand. And instead of helping him, instead of trying to understand him, they sent him away. Kylo felt weak back then, like he couldn’t control himself. And his parents pushed him away, treated him like there was something wrong with him.

“And I regret that to this day,” Han’s voice is strained, like he’s on the verge of crying, “Your mother..”

“I don’t want to hear it,” Kylo cuts him off.

He doesn’t want to talk about his mother.

“She loved you so much,” Tears are forming in Han’s eyes. “She forgave you.”

Raw harsh anger is boiling inside Kylo. “Forgave me? For what?” Kylo snarls, “I never hurt you, I tried to protect you.”

“I know,” Han sniffles, using his hand to wipe away the tears that are running down his cheeks, “it just broke her heart seeing what you have become.”

Kylo grabs the bottle from the table as he stands up. The conversation is over. Han will never get over Leia dying. It wasn’t anyone’s fault; it was just a heart attack during the night. But Han always had to twist it into being Kylo’s fault, that he broke her heart and that she gave up living after that.

“I would do..” Han starts.

“What?” Kylo growls, “you can’t change the past, so what would you do?”

“Anything, son,” Han sighs, “I would do anything to have you back, Ben,” their eyes meet, “I don’t blame you. I just want to put it all behind us. I just want my son back.”

Kylo shakes his head before he moves towards the door. He’s not Ben Solo anymore.

He’ll let the old man live. He’ll tolerate these outbursts Han has when they meet. But he can never go back. He can never be Ben again.

As he reaches the door it stings in his chest. He turns around meeting Han’s gaze for one last time.

“Dad,” he whispers.

Han nods, an almost somber look painting his features, “I know.”


	23. Chapter 23

Her eyes fly open as a dark figure cast a shadow over her on the bed.

She must have fallen asleep.

It’s her husband. He’s unsteady, his large body swaying a little and he’s grunting in frustration. His focus is at undoing one of the buttons on his shirt.

“Ben?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he mumbles, giving up on the button with a frustrated grunt.

She gets out of bed.

She can smell alcohol on his breath. Normally he would just have a drink or two after dinner, now he has obviously had a lot more than that. She has never seen him like this.

Her fingers find the button he struggled with.

He snorts, then chuckles, “I haven’t had this much since I was your age.” He apparently finds that funny, continuing to chuckle after he says it.

He swats her hands away after she’s helped him remove his shirt, and sits down at the side of the bed, almost falling over as he moves.

“Things were different back then, but you already know that, don’t you?” he slurs.

She’s not sure she really understands what he means. She did know that it hadn’t always been like it was now, that things were different before grandfather came into power. But she didn’t really know, and she couldn’t really imagine how different it was.

She shakes her head before she moves to kneel on the floor to help him with his shoes.

He swats her hands away again when she after removing his shoes moves to unfasten his belt. He grumbles as he unfastens his belt then stands up to let his pants and underwear fall to the floor, leaving him bare before her.

He’s softer, his cock not hard as it normally was when he was naked with her.

His fingers tangle in her hair, “I have a pretty wife,” he murmurs, “such an obedient little thing,” his hold tightens, “you’ll do anything I say, won’t you?”

“Yes,” she replies. 

Ben scoffs, “but you prefer him.” She doesn’t understand what he means. “Ben,” he continues, “you would much rather have Ben than Kylo.”

Her brows furrow in confusion.

He’s talking like Ben and Kylo are two different people. But they’re one and the same. He told her that his name was Ben before, but he has taken the name Kylo Ren now. Just like she was Miss Palpatine, and now Mrs. Ren, she has also always been Rey. And she will answer to all those names since they’re all her. It is no different for him, he is Ben and Kylo. It didn’t matter what he was called, he was still the same person.

“I’m not him,” Ben slurs, pulling her head back to look at her, “I can’t be Ben.”

“You’re my husband,” she responds. No matter what name he used he will always be her husband. She takes a deep breath, meeting his gaze, “I love you,” she says softly. 

She has never told him before. It feels strange saying those words out loud.

She had promised in her wedding vows that she would love him, but she has never said it to him. Telling him makes it more real. It’s not just something she is supposed to do for her husband like the rest of her vows. It’s something she is supposed to feel. She smiles. She thinks she feels it, she feels love for him.

He shakes his head then looks away from her, sighing.

She leans into him, placing a kiss to his skin, right above the base of his cock.

He was acting strangely, and she feared that now was the moment things would change.

She had to stop it. She had to show him that she wanted things to stay as they were.

“Rey,” he croaks as she kisses him again, this time directly on his cock.

She moves her hands up to hold him, to stroke his limp cock to life, as she looks up at him.

His eyes meet hers and he shakes his head, “no,” he whispers.

He might be saying no, but his cock has awoken in her soft hands and it’s growing harder as she gently strokes him.

He groans as she places her lips to the tip of it, gently kissing and sucking it into her mouth.

As he’s growing harder in her mouth he curses under his breath and his fingers tangle in her hair again.

She hasn’t had him in her mouth that much. But the few times she had, she has found it hard not to gag. So she does her best to relax, to let him slide into her wet mouth, deeper at each stroke.

He doesn’t hold her in place or push her down on it as he has before.

He lets her move at her own pace, lets her take as much of him as she can.

Soon he’s hitting the back of her throat. It doesn’t feel so bad, naturally she gags a little, but she starts finding the feeling of his thick hard cock in her mouth enjoyable. The feeling makes her core tingle with excitement, it even makes her moan around him.

His fingers claw at her scalp, making her eyes move up to look at him.

A low groan rumbles in his chest, “you look so good stuffed full of my cock,” he gives her lopsided smirk, “you like this, huh?”

She tries to nod, finding it a bit difficult to do without disrupting the pace she has set.

His fingers grab her hair tighter, pulling her off him.

His hands are on her, pulling her up, turning them around and pushing her back on the bed. 

She’s so wet, her slick folds parting easily for him as he pushes into her.

“Ahhhh,” she moans as he hits the deepest spot inside her, “Ben,” she whines as she clings to him, her fingernails digging into his skin as he moves within her.

~*~

His head is pounding. Even after he put sunglasses on to block out the light as best as he could, and leaned back in the seat of the car, it doesn’t seem to let up.

Rey is quiet, sitting obediently bedside him in the backseat. Even Poe seems to catch on that today is not a good day to make any unnecessary sounds.

Drinking Han’s homebrew was never a good idea.

With how much Kylo consumed last night, he’s glad that it’s only a headache.

The constant throbbing in his head is actually a welcomed distraction. Focusing on it makes the thoughts of the events of last night, the things Han said, at bay. He doesn’t want to think about it. He drank copious amounts after his interaction with Han just to keep his mind from racing, just to make himself forget the memories Han triggered. Memories of his life when he was younger, of how he became the man he is today.

It’s done. It’s in the past.

“We’ll arrive in thirty minutes,” Poe announces after they had been driving in silence for a few hours.

Kylo groans. He’s not really in the mood for a wedding. Even without a hangover he was never really in the mood for weddings.

He got lots of invitations to them, but he only attended those he had to, only when the man getting married was of a certain standing or it was a match of importance to the Empire.

General Pryde’s, even if it was his third marriage, was important. He was a close confidant and friend of the Emperor, and therefore also close with Kylo.

Fucking old sod. He never seemed to be satisfied. His previous wives hadn’t lasted long. They also seemed to be getting younger. His current bride was Rey’s age, and Pryde was in his sixties.

Having to watch the General fumble with his small wrinkly prick trying to deflower his new wife was certainly not going to be the highlight of Kylo’s day. But it was customary, so he had to witness it. Hopefully the hangover would have subsided a bit by then.

“Who is the General marrying?” Rey asks, pulling Kylo from his thoughts.

“Connix,” Kylo replies, “her father is a businessman I believe, strong supporter of the Empire.”

“Oh,” Rey’s brows furrow, “I went to school with her.”

He sometimes forgot that Rey knew people that he didn’t, that she had friends. When girls got married they usually got so separated from their previous lives.

“You’ll probably get a moment to catch up after the festivities,” he offers, only to watch the furrow of Rey’s brows deepen and a blank look taking over her eyes.

“Or not,” he shrugs. He’s not going to force her into speaking with the girl if she doesn’t want to.

“I would like to catch up with her,” Rey quickly says.

~*~

Miss Connix, or Mrs. Pryde now, hadn’t been in Rey’s circle of friends, but Rey knew who she was from school. She was a beautiful girl, her father was a businessman, quite wealthy.

Even if they hadn’t been close friends Rey did look forward to seeing her.

She did see her at the ceremony and at the dinner after, but it wasn’t the same as having a conversation.

They had interacted a few times at school, but Rey always thought they were so different. Miss Connix seemed so outspoken, sometimes saying things that wasn’t appropriate. So Rey kept her distance. As the granddaughter of the Emperor she had to follow the rules and not interact with girls that could tarnish her reputation. 

They had more in common now, both married to high-ranking officers, so maybe they would become friends now. It would be nice to have a friend that lived a similar life to hers.

Rey was a bit surprised that she was marrying a general, normally unions through marriage was between the families of the officers. Not a high-ranking officer marrying the daughter of a businessman. But it seemed like their marriage had support since Grandfather and Ben was there witnessing the nuptials.

Ben sighs as he lays down in bad next to her. It was late. Rey had gone to the room that had been provided for them after dinner. Ben was a witness to the consummation and had probably had drinks with the other men after. There was a faint smell of alcohol from him, but not like last night. He seemed more like himself tonight.

“How did it go?” Rey asks when Ben stays in silence, just looking up at the ceiling.

Ben huffs, “just fine,” he replies.

She moves closer to him, resting her head on his chest. He breathes deeply, his arms incapsulating her.

“I’ve arranged for you to have some time with Mrs. Pryde tomorrow.”

She nods into his chest.

“Just be careful,” he pauses, taking a deep breath, “her husband is very strict, he won’t like it if it gets back to him that you have discussed something that is inappropriate.”

“Stricter than you?” she blurts out.

She didn’t really know where that came from. She felt like she could say things like that, things that she couldn’t before. She had this feeling that he wouldn’t punish her for it, or if he did it was the kind of punishment that they would both enjoy.

He’s on her, pushing her off him and harshly into the sheets. One of his hands finds her wrists pinning her hands above her head.

“You think I’m strict?” he growls. His thigh is between her legs, keeping them open and pressing hard against her core

Her lips part, she’s panting as she looks up at her husband. He looks tired. He probably didn’t sleep very well due to the amount of alcohol he consumed the night before. But there is a gleam in his eyes, a sort of playful twinkle.

The hand that isn’t holding her arms in place, move to her chest. She gasps as she hears the fabric of her nightgown tearing. He’s tearing it off her, not caring that he ruins it.

She should really just stop wearing clothes when she goes to bed. She sleeps naked most nights now, the few nights she tries putting on a nightgown it usually ends up on the floor after her husband rids her of it.

He pushes the fabric away, exposing her naked chest to him. She gasps again when he pinches her nipples.

“Since I’m so strict I should punish you for last night,” his hand trails down her body, coming to rest between her legs, a finger stroking slowly over her folds, “it’s very improper for a woman to initiate such acts.”

She can’t help the giggle that escape her. Maybe it’s not appropriate for a woman to do, but he likes it when she does. And he likes this, pretending that what he’s doing now is really a punishment.

He clicks his tongue as he pushes two of his fingers into her. His thumb is at the little nub making her moan when he presses into it.

His touches make her feel good, but when she gets close to feeling the spark of electricity burst and spread out through her entire body, he slows down. With a devious smirk at his lips he just toys with her body. It makes her so frustrated, so she wails and she tries to rub herself harder against him.

“Please,” she cries.

He leans his head down, his lips meeting hers, his tongue dips into her mouth. Then he holds her there, just on the verge of erupting while he swallows her whines.


	24. Chapter 24

They both smile, a bit nervously. They didn’t really know each other. Rey felt a bit awkward, and she suspected that Mrs. Pryde felt the same.

“It was a beautiful wedding,” Rey says. It’s just a way to start a conversation, to break the ice. She hopes that when they start talking it won’t feel so awkward.

Mrs. Pryde just nods. Her eyes darting around, taking in their surroundings. They’re in the garden, sitting at a bench under a large tree.

General Pryde has a beautiful garden, Rey also looks around taking in all the beautiful flowers before her eyes lands on Mrs. Pryde again.

She seems even more nervous than Rey. She’s fiddling with her fingers and biting her lip.

“I’m his third wife, did you know that?” Mrs. Pryde suddenly blurts out.

Rey nods.

She leans closer, whispering, “do you know what happened to the girls he was married to before?”

Rey shakes her head, “no.”

Mrs. Pryde sighs, “no one does, they were in their twenties and they just died.”

Rey doesn’t know what to say.

She thought that maybe they could be friends, that they’d have more in common now. But Mrs. Pryde is still as she was at school, speaking about and speculating about things that she shouldn’t.

It was just harmless gossip in school, what she’s practically implying now is something very different.

“Your parents seemed happy with your union,” Rey says in an attempt to change the subject.

Mrs. Pryde snorts, “Dad just wants in with the Emperor, being on his good side means money in dad’s pocket. He doesn’t care that my husband is ancient,” she rolls her eyes, “he’s not the one that has to get into bed with that,” she pretends to gag a little.

“I’m sure it won’t be that bad, once you get to know him and settle in things will be better.”

Mrs. Pryde snorts, “easy for you to say, at least your husband is young and good-looking.”

“Mrs. Pryde,” Rey starts.

“Don’t call me that, it’s not my name,” her eyes meet Rey’s, “It’s Kaydel,” she whispers.

This would be the time Rey also confesses her given name, but she doesn’t. The way their conversation has gone makes Rey feel uneasy. Ben did tell her last night that they shouldn’t discuss something inappropriate, that General Pryde wouldn’t like it if he found out. She’s sure Kaydel won’t tell, but Rey is scared that someone will find out regardless.

Kaydel scoffs after a few moments filled with pressing silence, “he’ll grow tired of me and then he’ll get rid of me too.”

Rey shakes her head. She’s sure that isn’t the case.

“You’re lucky. You’re the Emperor’s granddaughter and married to Kylo Ren, you’re safe,” she huffs. 

Rey’s brows furrow.

She felt safe with Ben now. Things were better.

Grandfather’s words come to the front of her mind. His ultimatum.

Rey hadn’t thought too much about that conversation, she had been too focused on her predicament at the time and trying to understand Ben.

She gulps.

What Kaydel said about Pryde’s previous wives makes her mind race.

Ben wouldn’t do that. They have had their troubles, but things are good now.

He has never really said it, but she can tell that he likes her. And he said he would never be with anyone other than her.

And he wouldn’t get rid of her if she doesn’t get pregnant. He just wouldn’t do that.

~*~

Kylo had planned to leave as soon as possible.

He didn’t have any matters to discuss with the Emperor or any of the Generals, and he wanted to get home.

He didn’t like weddings. He avoided them if he could.

The only reason they didn’t leave first thing in the morning the day after the wedding of General Pryde was that Rey was meeting Mrs. Pryde.

He stays in the bedroom packing their things so they can leave the moment she comes back.

He’s avoiding the Emperor. They didn’t have any time alone last night. And Kylo was glad about that.

He had never felt like that before, not wanting to see Palpatine.

They had a good relationship for so many years, the Emperor has been like a father to him.

Kylo just doesn’t want to see him now.

He knows that Rey’s birthday is coming up, and she’s still not pregnant.

What the Emperor has commanded, what he expects Kylo to do, Kylo just doesn’t know how to deal with it.

He knows he has to face it, he has to find a way. He just doesn’t know how, so his solution is to avoid being alone with the Emperor.

Kylo knew he couldn’t do that for long, the Emperor wouldn’t let him.

So Kylo isn’t surprised when there is a knock at the door. What does surprise him is the Emperor entering the bedroom. He would normally summon Kylo, not seek him out like this.

“Kylo, my boy,” he says, a brief smile at his lips, “we didn’t get to talk last night.”

Kylo nods. He doesn’t have to ask what matter he wants to discuss, Kylo already knows.

“How is your wife doing?”

“She’s not pregnant,” Kylo answers. The Emperor doesn’t care about how Rey is really doing.

The Emperor sighs, “that’s disappointing,” he pauses, “have you decided what you will do?”

“I won’t take a mistress,” Kylo responds. He promised Rey that he wouldn’t.

“So you’ll finish the job?” the Emperor asks. He sounds almost gleeful, a smirk at his lips.

Kylo shakes his head, “no.”

The Emperor’s tone is harsher, “you should have killed her when you killed her parents.” He takes a deep breath, staring Kylo down, “If you are to become Emperor one day you need to stop holding on to frivolous things,” he pauses, “just like with Han Solo, you claim to hate him, yet you can’t get rid of him. You need to let go of whatever connection you feel towards the girl.”

Kylo huffs slightly. He has rarely talked back to his master, and the few times he has it has always been respectful.

Now it’s different. The familiar anger is back, boiling inside him.

“Let go?” he hisses, “what about letting go of the anger towards a son that didn’t want to follow in your footsteps, and not take it out on his daughter,” he pauses, surprisingly the Emperor doesn’t cut him off. “I’m not holding on. I feel nothing for her, we have no connection.”

A faint creak coming from the other end of the room, by the door, makes Kylo’s eyes dart briefly towards the source of the sound before he returns his gaze towards his master.

“The whole Empire knows that we are married, so if she suddenly disappears there will be speculations about it,” that wasn’t an excuse, it was the truth. No matter how hard the Emperor tried, underground papers were in circulations and people talked, it would get out what happened to her, and it would not gain the Empire more support.

“She is useful as my wife.”

It’s silent after that. Kylo can tell that the Emperor is weighing his options.

He wants Rey dead. Some old grudge he has towards his son makes him so set on it, punishing her for whatever the Emperor feels her father did wrong. But Kylo can tell that he knows it’s not what he should do. It will create more problems for him if he condemns her to die.

“If she can’t do her duty and give you heirs..” the Emperor starts.

“She will,” Kylo cuts him off, “pressuring her isn’t helping. I’m doing everything I can for it to happen, we just need to give it time.”

“Fine,” the Emperor grits before he turns to leave the room.

Kylo breathes out deeply after the Emperor has left.

That was the end of it, but the Emperor had a tendency to change is mind, so Kylo couldn’t be sure it would last.

A loud crash, the door being flung open, makes Kylo jump.

It’s Poe, his eyes are wild, scared, his chest heaving, “sir,” he’s panting, “your wife,” he must have been running, gasping for air as he speaks, “she’s gone.”

“What do you mean she’s gone?”


	25. Chapter 25

Over the years she had watched many drivers maneuver the cars. It looked so easy.

She has never been in the driver seat before, she had never turned a wheel making a vehicle go where she wants it to go.

It turned out not to be so easy.

She didn’t think. She didn’t stop to let her mind catch up. She just acted.

She ran out of the house, got in the nearest car and she drove off.

She didn’t take into consideration that she had never driven a car before, and she didn’t consider the consequences of what she was doing.

All she knew was the feeling in her chest, like someone was standing on it, and she couldn’t breathe. Every fiber of her being was screaming. Screaming at her to get away. So she did.

Her foot presses down on the gas harder, she can hear the hiss of the tires against the road.

The feeling inside doesn’t stop, it only gets worse. She just had to get away.

The sound of a siren makes her jump in the seat.

“No, no, no,” she cries.

There was no way she would get far; the rational part of her brain already knew that.

It wasn’t just her driving skills that were the problem, there were checkpoints everywhere. She didn’t have the papers she had seen her drivers show the guards at the checkpoints before. Even if she did, she was a woman, and women weren’t supposed to be driving.

The siren gets louder, accompanied by flashing lights in the rearview mirror. She can’t outrun them. She could try, but they would eventually get to a checkpoint and it would all be over.

She sighs as she slowly presses her foot to the brake pedal.

Her heart is beating out of her chest as an officer approaches the car.

“Sir,” the officer says as she is slowly rolling down the tinted window, “ma’am,” he corrects, his eyes narrowing at her, when he sees that she is not a man.

She knows she has broken the law. The officer also knows this, but he seems at a loss for words. He has probably never stopped a woman driving.

“I need to see your papers,” he finally says.

She shakes her head, she didn’t have any papers.

His eyes move from her to look over the car before they land on her again, “you need to step out of the vehicle,” he says, opening the door for her.

She does as she’s told, refusing will only make it worse.

He pushes her front to the car, pulling her hands behind her back then putting handcuffs on her.

“I’m placing you under arrest for driving and stealing this vehicle.”

“It’s my husband’s,” she says. The car wasn’t stolen, not really. She shouldn’t be driving, she knew that, but she hadn’t really stolen anything.

The officer huffs, “it’s still illegal for you to drive.”

“I’m Kylo Ren’s wife,” she says out of desperation. Maybe he’ll let her go if he believes that her husband has allowed her to drive.

The officer snorts out a laugh, “yeah, right, and I’m the Emperor.”

She’s taken to a police station. They place her in a room with no windows, only containing a table and two chairs, then they lock her to the table with the handcuffs before they leave her there awaiting her fate.

The officer didn’t believe her when she said who she was so maybe they won’t contact her husband.

She doesn’t know what’s worse right now, seeing her husband or what happens to people that are arrested.

She knew very little about that. She knew that people who broke that law was arrested and placed in prison or executed depending on the severity of their crime. But that’s all she knew. She didn’t know what prison was like, she assumed it wasn’t good since it was punishment. But maybe it was better than seeing her husband again.

She didn’t want to see him.

She knew. Finally, she knew what happened to her parents. Her grandfather said it. Ben had killed them, and he was supposed to kill her too.

Then Ben said that he felt nothing for her. And that’s when she ran.

All those sleepless nights, the nightmares that haunted her.

The screams, then the eerie silence. Then her screams as dark blurry figures in masks pulled her out from safety and dragged her away.

It was him, her husband. He was the one that had haunted her in her sleep for years.

He was the one that had taken her parents from her. And she had opened herself to him, she had done everything she could to build a relationship with him, she had grown to love him.

She had even told him that. She told him that she loves him.

And she did. She did truly love him. Not because she had to, but because she truly felt it.

She can’t help the tears. She can’t stop them.

When she thinks about it, when she allows herself to think about it and not try to run away from it like she did when she took the car and drove away, it hurts.

It stings inside her chest, in her heart.

He killed her parents; he took them from her. Leaving her with only small fragments of memories of them.

And he was going to kill her too. He didn’t love her; he never did, and he never would.

He wouldn’t spare her life now. He felt nothing for her, and she hadn’t become pregnant yet like grandfather had commanded, there was nothing stopping Ben from getting rid of her now.

It feels like an eternity, alone in the dimly lit room with just her thoughts, before the door opens again. She expected the police officer that placed her there to come back, and he did. But what follows behind him she was not prepared for. She jumps in her seat when she sees the mask, just like the one from her worst nightmares.

“Here she is,” the officer says, gesturing towards her.

“Unlock her, then leave us,” comes from the mask. His voice is distorted, sounding like it’s warped through something technical inside the mask.

She still knows that it’s him.

She can’t help the nervous shudder as he steps closer after the officer has taken the cuffs off her and left them alone in the small room.

He places the key to the car in front of her, “you have thirty seconds to decide,” he says.

She looks between him and the key, “I don’t understand,” she mumbles.

“Take the key if you want to leave, I’ll make sure you’re not stopped again,” he pauses, “I’ll let you leave me if that is what you want.”

He can’t be serious. He can’t mean that he’ll actually let her leave him.

She wished she could see his face. She wished she could get some indication of what he was thinking.

A part of her still wants to run, to get as far away from him as she can.

Even with how afraid she is, how hurt she is by the truth she now knows, she can’t leave him.

Her fate is in his hands. Apparently, it has always been.

She just wasn’t thinking earlier. She has nowhere to go, no way to survive alone.

She knows there is no place for her in this world without him.

She shakes her head.

There is a deep intake of breath from him from behind the mask.

He steps closer, his hand at the collar of her shirt pulling her up to stand, “what happens now is unavoidable,” his distorted voice says before he pushes her towards the door.

He guides her to a room further down the hallway. Her eyes widen, the room was larger, with a large round table in the middle, she saw grandfather’s displeased look, General Pryde and a few other men, before Ben pushes her face first into the table.

Grandfather hisses, “are you sure you want to keep her?”

“Yes,” Ben replies, “and I’ll get her to behave again.”

“Good,” grandfather nods.

She cries out at the first blow, more out of surprise than pain. Ben hit her backside with something that felt like a whip or a belt.

In choosing to stay she also knew that her actions would have consequences. She wished that it could have been between her and Ben, but the place she chose to run away from, and the manner she did it, clearly dictated otherwise.

The second blow surprises her too, not that it’s coming, what surprises her is that it doesn’t hurt as much as it probably should. He’s not hitting her as hard as he can.

Still, she screams. She can’t help the cries that escape her from the pain she’s feeling inside.


	26. Chapter 26

At some point she stopped screaming.

Only the silent tears remained.

She doesn’t react, her body is like a rag doll as it’s being moved. She doesn’t even flinch when her husband carries her to the car, still wearing the mask from her most horrible nightmares.

She shuts it all out, closes her eyes to the world. She doesn’t want to see what happens next. It can’t be anything good, so she doesn’t want to know.

Her eyes don’t open until she’s being lifted up again, and minutes later she’s laid down on something soft.

She’s on a bed. Her eyes slowly darting around the room, taking in her surroundings. They’re back at the ranch again, she recognizes the bedroom.

He’s there, leaning back against a wall, still with that horrible mask on. She wants to scream at him to take it off. She doesn’t want to look at it.

“Can I get you something?” Poe’s voice sounds, he’s right in front of her but his face is blurry. She’s crying again, the tears clouding her vision.

“Mrs. Ren?” he says when she doesn’t respond.

She shakes her head, eyes moving from Poe to her husband and back again.

Poe’s got a deep frown on his forehead. He looks worried.

“I think we should get a doctor,” Poe says directed at Ben.

Poe hadn’t been in the room, but he must have heard her screams. He probably thinks she’s physically hurt. She’s not. Ben didn’t hit her hard. She doesn’t even feel sore. Physically she’s fine.

“That won’t be necessary,” Ben’s distorted voice sounds.

She wishes he would just take it off. She hates how he sounds when he has it on, she hates how it looks, hates the memories it forces to the front of her mind.

Poe’s mouth open, probably to object, then Rey takes his hand. “I want to stay here,” she whispers, “I don’t want to go home.”

She has seen how much her husband dislikes being at the ranch. He seems tense even at the mention of the place. He and the old man that lives there also seems to have something unspoken between them, Ben seems like he doesn’t even want to be in the same room as him.

So she knows her husband doesn’t want to be there.

She doesn’t have much, he’s in control of her. Insisting that she wants to stay somewhere he doesn’t want to be feel like the only thing she can do to defy him.

She wants to scream at him. She wants to hurt him. She wants him to feel the pain she is feeling.

She can’t do much to inflict that kind of pain on him, the only thing she can really do is defy him.

~*~

He saw it in her eyes, the fear, the hurt. He had seen that in them before, but it was nothing like what it was now.

She knew.

She must have overheard them, heard Palpatine say what Kylo had done to her parents. Then she ran. She ran away from him as fast as she could.

Deciding to stay with him wasn’t really a decision since leaving him wasn’t an option. Since she wanted to leave, but couldn’t, allowing her space is what he should do.

She wanted to stay, and he should have just left her there. He knows Han will take care of her.

Their marriage could be in name only, she would only have to see him for occasions where both their presence were necessary. Like when the Emperor commanded it, or when he couldn’t put off getting her pregnant any longer. He had bought them time, so he should give her that. He should leave her alone.

He wanted to do that. He just couldn’t.

He felt her hatred towards him, but he still couldn’t leave her alone.

He tries to give her space, he sleeps in a separate room, he doesn’t eat his meals with her.

He watches her from afar.

He watches as she settles into a sort of routine. He knew Han would take care of her, and he does. Han gives her books to read and he talks with her.

She needs that now.

Kylo tries to keep his distance. He tries to fight it.

He hates himself. He hates himself more than the hatred he feels radiating off her when she sees him. He has fought it so hard, ever since the Emperor first left her with him. He never wanted her to be his wife. He never wanted her so close to him.

But he had lost that battle again and again, even with how he has treated her she always showed him affection. That was over now. She knew that he took her parents from her, and she has every right to hate him.

He just can’t stay away.

He keeps his distance during the day, but he starts sneaking into her room at night to watch her sleep. He doesn’t want to admit to himself why he does that. Why he won’t leave her alone.

~*~

She keeps her eyes closed. She knew he was there. She can hear him breathe.

She barely sees him during the day, and the few times she does she looks away. She doesn’t want to see him and she doesn’t want to talk to him.

She knows he won’t apologize for what he has done, and even if he did it won’t really make a difference.

He was the monster that took her parents away, he was the monster that haunted her in her sleep for years.

And now he’s still haunting her. He comes to her room every night, when he thinks she’s asleep.

He’s moving. He’s closer to the bed now that he has been the previous nights. Her eyes shoot open, gaze meeting his. He looks away. His face is pale, what looks like torment painting his features.

She scoffs.

She knows she can’t avoid him forever.

She’s so tired of it. It has been weeks since she found out what he did, and in that time something inside her has grown. It’s like she is not afraid of him anymore. She’s not scared of what he’ll do if she talks back or defies him. She’s so angry at him for what he has done. The pain inside her is so unbearable, no matter what happens nothing can be worse than what she’s feeling now.

“Why did you kill them?” she asks. Her question was inevitable, as was the conversation she knew would follow.

“I was following orders,” he responds, his gaze not meeting hers.

“You were supposed to kill me too,” she states, it’s more like a question. She knew what she overheard, she just needed to hear him say it.

“Yes,” he admits.

“Then why..” she starts, “I couldn’t,” he cuts her off, his eyes are fixed on the floor in front of him.

She doesn’t understand. If he was ordered to kill her too, why didn’t he?

“So you could marry me?” she asks. It’s the only thing that makes sense. He spared her life so she could become his wife when she was older.

His head jerks, eyes finally meeting her, “no,” he almost shouts, “you were just a little girl, you were so innocent,” he continues, “I could never hurt a child.” He pauses, then sighs, “I never wanted this.”

“This?” she asks.

“To marry you,” his gaze meets hers.

That hurts, more than it probably should. She knew what he had done. She hates him for it. But his words still sting. He didn’t even want her to begin with. Everything between them was a lie. Every time she thought things were going well, when she thought he actually liked her, he was just pretending. He never cared about her.

He must see it, how hurt she is by that, since he steps closer, sitting down at the side of the bed, “I didn’t mean it like that,” he mumbles while he takes her hand in his.

“Then what did you mean?” she whispers.

“You were still so innocent even if you had grown into a woman. I didn’t want to take your innocence from you, but I had to,” his hand moves to her face, his fingers gently stroking her cheek.

She moves away from his touch, “Like you took my parents from me.”

“Yes,” his voice comes out as a whisper.

“I’m not a little girl anymore, are you going to kill me too now?”

“No.”

She furrows her brows in confusion. If what he said to grandfather was true, that he feels nothing for her, she can’t understand what is stopping him from getting rid of her.

“Why?” her eyes bore into his, “you said you didn’t care about me.”

He sighs, “I..” he swallows, “Rey, I...”

She can see the hesitation, what almost looks like fear in his eyes. He has no reason to be afraid. He is in control; he decides what happens. He has nothing to be afraid of.

“I fought it so hard,” his voice comes out as a whisper, “I didn’t want to be weak.”

“Weak?” she whispers back.

He moves closer, resting his forehead against hers, his deep breathing caresses her face, “loving you makes me weak.”


	27. Chapter 27

“You love me?”

She wasn’t sure she heard him right.

There had been moments where she thought he might love her, but those moments were so rare, and she felt like she had always been proven wrong.

Like at the cabin. She thought that she saw it then, his love for her. But the moment they got home he pushed her away and proved that he didn’t love her. He let her believe that he had been with another woman, something she later learned that he hadn’t, but he let her believe that for a long time.

He struggles to respond. He’s looking away from her again, something like fear in his eyes.

He could so easily admit to murdering her parents. He had confirmed that he had multiple times now. But a simple yes to the question if he loves her, he struggles with.

And what he said about being weak. She doesn’t understand what he meant by that.

He hesitantly meets her gaze again, “yes,” he says, tone low.

The few moments he had showed her just a little affection, it was so soon replaced with hurt and pain. It was like he went out of his way to show that he didn’t love her.

Now it was different.

He acted different, he even looked different.

He looks so tortured by it, like his love for her hurts him.

He’s breathing deeply as he leans closer, one hand stroking over her cheek the other taking her hand again, “can I stay?” he asks his gaze briefly moving away from her to the bed.

Oh. She bites down on her lip.

She’s not sure she wants him in bed with her. Even now when he’s touching her, she has to fight the urge to push him away.

She knows she can’t push him away like she has since she learned what he did forever. She’s still his wife, she still have duties.

“I have to get pregnant,” she states.

“No,” he shakes his head, “the Emperor changed his mind, we can wait until you’re ready.”

“So we don’t have to be intimate?”

“We don’t have to,” he sighs, his hands on her slightly trembling, “but we can, just because it feels good, and because we…” he swallows, “because you want to be with me like that.”

She’s still angry, she’s still hurt by what he has done. But she can’t help feeling conflicted. She loved him before she knew what he had done, and that feeling is still there, buried deep down under a layer of anger, hurt and pain.

She shakes her head.

She can’t. She’s not sure she can touch him or let him touch her like that. At least not yet. She knows she has to at some point. She just can’t right now.

~*~

“Fuck,” he curses, slamming the door behind him.

He hoped that maybe she’d let him stay, that they could just sleep in the same bed.

Of course she thought it was because he wanted to knock her up.

It wasn’t about that. He couldn’t care less if they ever had children at this point.

All he wanted, no, all he needed, was for her to look at him like she did before.

So he told her. He confessed his feelings for her. The feelings he had trouble articulating even to himself in his mind.

He just couldn’t help himself. He just had say it out loud.

It wasn’t some hidden agenda on his part. He didn’t say it to confuse her or trick her into forgiving him. He knew it didn’t change anything. He knew that even before he admitted his feelings to her.

He just couldn’t leave her alone because he felt like he was losing her, and he couldn’t let that happen. So no matter how much he had pushed those feelings down, how much it scared him to admit, he had to confess to her before he lost her completely.

He was weak. Scared.

Like the boy whose room he occupied now was.

It was a big house, there were many other bedrooms. But he had chosen to stay in his old bedroom. The room he had when he was a teenager.

It’s the same. Like a time capsule.

Han and Leia left it as it was after Ben left, and it didn’t look like anyone other than him had set foot in it since he became Kylo. 

He sits down at the bed, too small for his large frame, he was on the verge of outgrowing it when his parents sent him away, and now it was just way to small for him.

He looks over at the bookshelf, at his journals. He stopped writing down his thoughts and feelings after they sent him away.

It had been like some sort of therapeutic exercise.

When they sent him away, he realized that it didn’t help, and that if anyone found them it could be used against him.

It was his deepest and darkest unfiltered thoughts, his feelings at the time.

Leaving a few of his journals for her to find was only to give her something of him.

It wasn’t anything good. He was angry when he was a teenager. But it was something of his old self, something from before he was Kylo. He didn’t think too much at the time about why he did it.

Now he knew it was because he realized the Emperor’s intentions years before it happened. He knew that the little girl he spared the life of was to become his wife. And just for a brief moment he wanted her to know him. Know who he was before, without actually knowing it was him.

He regretted doing that. The only thing he had accomplished by doing that was Poe confronting him with them years later, calling him a rapist.

Kylo scoffs.

It was just another thing on the list.

Murderer.

Torturer.

Rapist.

He had followed orders. He had followed his General into battle.

It wasn’t the outcome Han and Leia had envisioned when they sent him to military school.

Young Ben Solo had learned discipline. He found comradery, friends.

But he had also found someone that understood him, someone that helped him channel his anger. General Palpatine.

By the time the old General ran for office Ben was his most avid supporter. And around the time the old General crowned himself Emperor, Kylo Ren was born.

He would do anything for the man that had helped him, guided him from an awkward teenager into a strong man.

He didn’t question his orders, he followed them to the letter. Even when those orders where to torture and execute those who stood against them.

The only time he questioned his orders was when he saw those small hazel eyes looking up at him. She was so small.

That moment always came back to haunt him. Her parents screams silenced just moments before. The wide terrified eyes of the little girl, her screams when he pulled her out from her hiding place.

He was told there was one man and two women. Members of the resistance.

It was like countless orders before. Execute them on sight.

He had done it so many times.

But never a child.

He didn’t know who she really was until he brought her before his master.

He wasn’t surprised that Palpatine wanted to eradicate his only living relatives. He always spoke of the son who betrayed him, and how Kylo had become like the son he never had.

She was still just a little girl. She wasn’t a member of the resistance; she wasn’t a threat.

Her being the Emperor’s granddaughter made it easier to convince him not to have Kylo take her life.

Even if he had spared her life that day. Those small hazel eyes, the terrified look on her face, haunted him for years.

He lays back on the small bed closing his eyes.

They still haunted him, her eyes. He saw all the times she had looked back at him terrified, when he had forced himself into her, when he had raped her just for his own pleasure or just to make her fear him more than she already did. He saw the times her eyes were filled with confusion, when she didn’t understand what she had done wrong, why her husband was acting or treating her the way he did.

And he saw the love, the few times she smiled at him, her eyes radiating affection for him, even if he had done nothing to deserve it.

He takes a deep breath, sighing.

He was scared, for the first time in years he felt fear creeping into every fiber of his being.

He loved her.

He had known that for a while now. He just hadn’t allowed himself to think it or feel it.

It made him feel weak. Like he couldn’t control himself, or the situation.

His eyes open slowly, he stares up at the ceiling.

“I love her,” he whispers into the empty space.

It stings in his chest. He does. He really does.

And he fucked it all up before he even met her.

He killed her parents.

There is no way she’ll ever look at him with affection in those beautiful hazel eyes again.


	28. Chapter 28

“Did you love your wife?”

It’s a strange question, Han’s expression tells her that much.

It was strange how the old man had become almost like a friend to her. The times she had met him before she never thought that would happen. Now he was the only person she spoke to. He was the only one there apart from her husband, who after he came to her room continued to keep his distance, and some servants, but she couldn’t talk to them. So Han was all that she was left with.

It wasn’t so bad. He was kind, and when they spoke he really listened to what she had to say. She got the feeling that he cared about her. He was like what she wished her grandfather would have been like when she was growing up.

Han sighs, “I did, very much.”

Her lips tug up into a small smile. She can tell. The way his eyes twinkle when he talks about her. He hadn’t done that much before, but today he had.

Earlier in the day Han had brought her into one of the bedrooms in the house, but instead of it being used as a bedroom it was filled with boxes.

She thought he wanted her help to go through them, and he did, but he also when they found something that belonged to his wife, like a pretty dress or jewelry, talked about his wife, and what the objects they were looking at reminded him of.

That is what prompted her question. It was so easy to see from his expression, from the tone of his voice that he loved his wife, even if she wasn’t there anymore.

She also asked because of Ben. How he had told her that he loves her.

The look on Han’s face is was what she wished her husband would have looked like when he confessed that he loved her.

It was like it was hard for Ben admitting it, he struggled with it, he looked scared.

She didn’t doubt that he loved her, with how hard it looked like it was for him to tell her, she knew he must be telling the truth. He wouldn’t act like that if he didn’t really mean it.

She just found it strange that his eyes were filled with fear as he told her.

“You can have it,” Han says, pulling her from her thoughts.

“What?” Rey looks back at him confused.

“Her jewelry, clothes,” he gestures to the items they have taken out of the boxes, “anything you want.”

She shakes her head. She can’t accept it.

Han just smiles back at her, “it’s your birthday tomorrow, isn’t it? I don’t have much else to give you as a gift, and she would have wanted you to have it.”

Rey still shakes her head.

She let it slip a few days ago that when her birthday was. She didn’t think he’d remember or that he’d actually get her something.

“I can’t accept,” she says. She really can’t. It’s all that he has left of his wife. And Rey can tell how much the things mean to him, how they remind him of her.

“Please,” Han rolls his chair closer to her, his wrinkled hand coming to rest on top of hers, “it would make me very happy if you do.”

~*~

Kylo didn’t expect to find them in the dining room when he enters to eat his dinner, alone, as he had done lately.

He didn’t expect them to be so dressed up either. Han is wearing a suit, not something he usually did willingly, and Rey is in a dress.

Kylo’s eyes move slowly over her body. It’s white with long flowing arms. It’s hugging her body, but still looks a bit too big in the chest area. She has a silver necklace on too. It looks familiar. He has seen his mother wear that necklace before. The dress must be something from her too. Ben haven’t seen it before, and the style is not something she wore as far as he had seen so it had to be from her younger days.

He tears his eyes from Rey, looking over at Han.

“We’re celebrating,” Han says, gesturing for Kylo to sit at the head of the table, “join us.”

Kylo should leave. He knows she doesn’t want him there. But he’s not going to pass up the opportunity. It has been a few days since they spoke last.

As they eat Kylo doesn’t speak. He focuses on the food. It’s not until a servant opens a bottle of champagne pouring three glasses that he opens his mouth.

“What are we celebrating?” he asks.

Han’s eyebrows raise, he’s giving Kylo a surprised look, “Mrs. Ren’s birthday.”

Shit.

Kylo forgot.

He had been so focused on it before.

When he got the Emperor to reconsider his ultimatum, Kylo forgot when her birthday was. It was like he didn’t want to think about it anymore since it had in a way marked the end.

He swallows deeply, trying to make eye contact with her, “happy birthday,” he says as he lifts up his glass to toast.

She just nods in response, keeping her eyes fixed at the table.

Kylo sighs.

He never expected it to be easy. He just hoped that she’d be able to look at him.

He has decided not to push on anything else, he’ll let her come to him when she’s ready, he just needs her to look at him. So he continues staring at her until she lifts her head, a small flush is tinting her cheeks as she meets his gaze.

She’s nervous.

He keeps staring into her eyes. Now that she’s finally looking at him, he doesn’t want her to look away again.

Her bottom lip is trembling as they look at each other.

Before Kylo has time to react she’s pushing her chair back and running out of the room.

He’s on his feet, going after her, before he can stop to think. He doesn’t consider that he is the one she’s trying to escape.

He catches up to her at the bottom of the stairs. He pulls her close, holding her tightly. 

She’s trembling, her body shaking in his arms.

He didn’t mean for this to happen.

He leans down and kisses the top of her head, “Rey,” he whispers.

Her hand weakly hits his chest, pushing him away.

“Hit me,” he says.

She’s upset, angry at him. It’s written all over her face.

He understands that feeling. In his experience anger were more easily managed if he had an outlet. That’s what Palpatine had helped him with, channeling his anger. Taking it out on something or someone usually helped.

“Hurt me,” he hisses.

Her mouth opens, perplexation painting her features, “no,” she shouts as she turns away from him, running up the stairs.

The knock on the door later in the evening surprises him. Han would never seek him out by coming to his door, especially not when Kylo is currently occupying his childhood bedroom. It had to be Rey. He can’t believe that it is, even after he opens the door and sees her standing there in front of him. He blinks a few times before he takes a step back so she can enter the room.

She looks around the room, from the small unmade bed to the desk in front of the window, and then her eyes fall on the bookshelf. The collection of books he read as a teenager and his journals. All illegal now.

He let her look, let her walk around the room and examine his things. 

“Why did you say that?” she suddenly asks, she’s standing over by the desk, looking out the window.

“What?”

“To hurt you.”

“I thought it would make you feel better, taking your anger out on me,” he answers truthfully. He did think it might help her. That after she took it out on him things would be better.

She sighs deeply, “I’m not angry,” she says, her back still turned to him.

It’s silent after that. Kylo doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t understand. If she’s not angry he can’t understand what she is feeling. Probably hurt. But he expected that she’d also be angry with him.

“I shouldn’t have stayed for dinner,” he says, he really shouldn’t have. He ruined her birthday.

She doesn’t reply to that, instead she turns around to look at him and says, “if we hadn’t met like we did, would you have asked me out?”

“Asked you out?” He doesn’t understand what she means, or the turn the conversation has taken.

“On a date.”

His eyebrows raise in surprise. Dating was a thing from the past, it didn’t exist in the Empire. Han must have said something, probably told her about his first date with Leia, he likes telling that story.

“No,” he replies.

Her brows furrows confused, “why not?”

Kylo huffs, “there is no way you would have even looked at me twice.”

If she had been allowed to, she wouldn’t have chosen him.

Had the world been different they would probably never have met.

He saw the small apartment her parents lived in. She wouldn’t have had much, and what she had she would have to work hard for. He on the other hand had a trust fund. He's also sixteen years older than her. There is no way they would have frequented the same circles.

And if by some accident they did meet, there is no way she would have given him the time of day.

He’s sure of that. What he is not so sure of is why they are talking about this hypothetical scenario.

She’s quiet, just staring at him.

“I don’t know what you want,” he says. He really doesn’t. His usual way of handling things won’t work in this situation, it would just drive her further away, and that is the last thing he wants.

She looks between him and the bed, biting down on her lip, “you can stay in my room if you want,” her eyes land on him, “just sleep.”

~*~

Just sleep. That’s what she said. She can do that. Just sleep next to him. There are no words that can fix what she’s feeling. And she doesn’t know where else to start.

After she learned what he had done she was so upset with him for taking her parents from her. She felt tears in her eyes when she thought about it, and a stinging feeling in her chest.

She blamed him for it, all of it.

Then she realized that her husband was many things. But the one thing he was most of all was loyal to her grandfather. It was grandfather that gave the order. It was grandfather that wanted her parents dead. Ben just carried it out.

She exhales deeply, shakily, as they lay down on her bed together.

He’s just looking at her, he doesn’t move any closer, he doesn’t try to touch her. It’s like there is a line between them on the bed that he knows not to cross, so he just continues staring at her until she closes her eyes.


	29. Chapter 29

“Mr. Ren,” Kylo could still hear the sound of disdain in Han’s tone as he said it upon Kylo entering the kitchen. He knew it wasn’t so much disdain for him, it was more for the name, and what it represented. Even after so much time, Han hadn’t gotten any better at hiding it.

“Dad,” Kylo responds, observing Han’s eyes widening a fraction.

He rarely called Han that. It had only happened a few times when Kylo had slipped up. Now it was deliberate.

He couldn’t explain it to him, nor did he want to try. He just needed Han to do as he wanted now. Calling him dad was a sure way to get his attention.

Even after Rey let Kylo share her bed, he knew that nothing had changed. She still kept her distance. It was like an invisible line on the bed between them, one she didn’t cross, and didn’t want him to cross either. He could see it in her eyes.

They didn’t really talk much either. They had never really talked. Never had a proper conversation, and honest conversation, like a husband and wife should.

Kylo doesn’t know where to begin. He doesn’t know how to open up and be intimate with her like that.

Kylo had never asked a girl out on a date. He had never been in a relationship before.

All his intimate interactions with women had been purely sexual. He knew how to fuck, roughly. He preferred it like that, holding the woman down while he pounded into her seeking his pleasure.

No tenderness, no attachments.

Another thing he learned from Palpatine. 

When Kylo first started under Palpatine tutelage, before the Empire, Palpatine was hard on him. Any sign of weakness was snuffed out.

Palpatine said that attachments made him weak, so forbidding relationships and even casual sex, in the beginning, was to keep him focused, to make him stronger.

Kylo didn’t lose his virginity until he was in his early twenties.

He was too awkward when he was in school. He did spend time around girls, but always in groups with other friends. He never had the courage to get a girl alone. And at military school there were just boys.

After that he continued his training with Palpatine, so he never had the opportunity until Palpatine as a treat got him a prostitute.

Kylo lost his virginity awkwardly pounding into a whore bought for the hour. There was no real intimacy, no tender touches, no kisses.

Kylo would never admit it, that his first kiss was with Rey. When she hesitantly pressed her lips to his after he had for some time just used her every night. She did it as means to survive then, to avoid him holding her down and fucking her roughly for another night.

And he sent her away because of it, sent her back to the Emperor.

He felt something inside him that he couldn’t explain. He had that feeling a few times before that, but as they kissed for the first time it multiplied, radiated from deep inside him.

It made him feel like he wasn’t in control.

Palpatine was right, attachments made him weak.

The love he felt for her, the love he was barely able to admit, made him weak.

She was his weakness.

A part of him wants to go back, change it all, to keep her from getting so close, to keep her from making him feel love for her. But he can’t do that.

He feels this deep need for her that he can’t explain.

His physical need for her is what presents itself the most. He can’t help it. It’s like he’s a teenager again, waking up with his cock tenting his underwear.

He wishes he could control it.

He takes care of the situation every morning in the shower, alone. He strokes himself roughly under the hot stream of water thinking about her. How her tits bounce when he fucks her, how her cunt feels around him, how she sounds and the look on her face when she climaxes. He wants to feel her again, but all he can do is use his hand to jerk himself to a not so satisfying orgasm wishing that she was the one giving it to him.

“Ben?” Han’s voice pulls him from his thoughts.

Kylo is going to allow it, this time, Han using his birth name. Kylo did after all call him dad.

Kylo clears his throat, regarding the old man in the wheelchair before him, “I need you to look after Mrs. Ren,” he says.

He knows Han will agree. He has been looking after her, taking care of her, ever since they got there.

Han’s brows furrow, confusion taking over his features.

“I’m going home, and I’m leaving her here with you,” Kylo continues when Han doesn’t say anything.

Han’s expression doesn’t change, he doesn’t ask him why, instead he slightly shakes his head, “what will the Emperor think of that?”

“I’ll take care of it,” Kylo responds.

Han snorts softly, “you’re married for a reason, the Emperor is not going to allow you to not give him heirs to his empire for long.”

Rey must have opened up to Han, or Han must have guessed. He was right, of course.

It always came back to that. Kylo knew it was inevitable, he just needed to believe that he could keep the Emperor away, and somehow manage to not do as he wanted.

“I’ll take care of it,” Kylo says again, firmly. He doesn’t know how, but he will. He will find a way to not have to subject her to carrying his children and still keep her life when the Emperor starts pushing for it again.

Han sighs, “will you explain to her why you’re leaving her with a stranger?”

Kylo stares back at Han confused. Han is not really a stranger.

“She thinks I’m the caretaker of this place,” Han continues, “she doesn’t know that I’m your father.”

It does surprise Kylo that Han hasn’t said something. With all the time they had spent together alone Kylo was sure Han would have said something about what his relation to Kylo really is.

“Why haven’t you told her?”

“I’ve wanted to. I have wanted to tell her all about you too. But it shouldn’t come from me, it should be you telling her who you are,” Han sighs again, eyes looking down at the floor, “who you were,” he corrects.

Han is right. But it’s too late. He knows that. It’s why he’s leaving her with Han in the first place. Whatever he and Rey had, if they had anything at all, can’t be fixed. Telling her about Ben Solo, about who he were before and how he became the man he is now, won’t do anything, it will just open old wounds, it will just make him have to remember all the things he has worked so hard to forget.

Kylo takes a deep breath, “will you look after her?” he asks again.

“Of course I will, Ben.”

He really should explain why he’s leaving her there. But in a way she already knows. She feels the awkwardness in their interactions too. She knows what he has done. She’ll probably be relieved when he’s gone. As for Han being Kylo’s father, Han probably won’t be able to keep that to himself for much longer.

Kylo is leaving her because he cares about her. He can admit that to himself now. He’s leaving her because it’s what’s best for her.

He still needs to say something, he needs to say goodbye, he realizes when she walks into the bedroom finding him packing his clothes into a bag.

“Are we leaving?” she asks.

“No,” he mumbles, not looking at her, “I’m leaving.”

“Why?” her voice sounds steady, but there is a hint of uncertainty there.

He looks up, trying to meet her gaze, “It’s for the best,” he takes a deep breath, steadying himself, “our marriage is over,” he says bitterly. It stings in his chest. It never really was a marriage, not as marriage was intended once upon a time. “We’ll of course still be married, but in name only. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. You’ll stay here, and you won’t have to see me again.” He doesn’t know if he can keep that promise, he’ll protect her, keep her from any harm. But he doesn’t know if he can really promise that she’ll never see him again.

“Why?” she asks again, obviously not satisfied with what he said.

He scoffs as he tries to meet her eyes, only to have her avert her gaze, “you can’t even look at me, and when you do, I can see how it hurts you.”

He can. He sees her pain. Ever since she found out the truth about her parents it’s been like that, and he can’t really blame her for it.

“Stay,” she says, her voice low and breathless, “please.” There is a sincerity in her tone that tells him that she doesn’t want him to leave.

He moves towards her. She needs to understand why he has to leave. He grabs her, throwing her down with her front on the bed, pressing his large frame into her back.

“I want to fuck you,” he growls.

And that is really the problem, and why he needs to leave.

They don’t know each other and have never really had a proper conversation because she was only meant to be for sex. For procreation. She wasn’t to serve him any other purpose. They weren’t supposed to be close in any other way.

He has realized it’s too late for their relationship to be anything other than that. She hates him. He’s her rapist and her parents’ killer. Continuing to force his presence on her only hurts her. 

He should have held her and kissed her first. He should have talked to her, opened up to her. They should have gotten to know each other. He still knows that she wouldn’t have wanted to be with him if she really knew him, but it might have been different. They might have come to an understanding and managed to live with each other and be intimate with each other without it being forced upon her.

Her ragged breathing fills the room.

“I want to hold you down and fuck you so hard that you’ll feel me inside you for days,” he dips his head into the back of her neck, “but I can’t do that,” he breathes deeply as he moves off her, standing up again, “I can’t –,” he sighs, “I won’t hurt you anymore, so I need to leave.”

She’s turning around, her face is flushed, eyes wide and bright, “please stay,” she’s moving off the bed, her hand finding his, “you won’t hurt me.”

“I have already hurt you too many times,” he shakes his head, “I killed your parents, and you have every right to hate me for that, and all the other things I have done to you.”

“You were just following orders,” she pulls him closer, her head tilted up to look at him, eyes roaming his face, “I know it was grandfather who told you to do it.”

He huffs bitterly. She’s right, he never would have killed her parents if he hadn’t been ordered to, and he never would have taken her to bed if he hadn’t been ordered to. But he still couldn’t say it was all because of Palpatine, Kylo could have left her alone apart from that one time they had to on their wedding night.

She pulls him closer, her cheek pressing into his chest, “I forgive you,” she whispers.


	30. Chapter 30

“You forgive me?”

She nods, “yes.”

He’s pacing by the side of the bed, his mind racing.

He doesn’t understand. She sounds sincere, the way she now looks at him is different. She’s looking right at him. Her gaze doesn’t falter, her eyes open and clear. There is no hate there, and there are no lies or deception.

“How can you forgive me?” he grits out.

She squares her shoulders, taking a deep breath, like she is bracing herself. Her voice is steady, clear, “I know what you did, and I also know that you did it because you were ordered to.”

“You should hate me for what I’ve done” he hisses, nostrils flaring as he stares her down, anger inside him rising.

Briefly she looks taken aback by that, by his sudden display of anger.

He’s not angry with her, he just can’t understand how she can say that she forgives him.

“Do you want me to hate you?” she asks, still so calm, too calm.

“No, no, I –,” his voice breaks. He doesn’t want her to hate him.

“Then why are you angry?”

His gaze finds hers again, “I’m not angry,” he breathes deeply trying to calm himself.

Silence, it grows between them for several heartbeats.

“You don’t think you’ve earned my forgiveness,” she states. She’s right and judging by the look on her face she knows it.

“I’ve murdered countless of people; I don’t even remember how many,” he responds.

That was technically true. After some time, he forgot. He continued fighting Palpatine’s war, killing in his name, and he forgot how many people had lost their lives at his hands. He did however remember their faces, their screams for mercy. In his sleep it always came back to him, their ghosts, haunting him.

She stays silent, just looking at him.

“I forced you,” he barley manages to say, feeling the stinging in his chest again, “I’ve fucked you when you didn’t want me to.”

“So you don’t want me to forgive you?” she questions, brows slightly furrowing.

“I do,” he sighs, “I just don’t understand how you can.”

She reaches out her arm towards him, offering her open hand to him. He takes it, allowing her to pull him down to sit next to him on the bed, “I can forgive you because I can see that you’re trying, and because I love you.”

His mouth feels dry, he gulps, mouth opening and closing a few times without any words coming out.

Her hand squeezes his, “please don’t leave me, Ben.”

He never actually wanted to leave her, he just thought it was for the best. If she wants him to stay with her, he will.

Her eyes flicker from him to different spots around the room. She suddenly seems nervous.

He’s not completely at ease either. It’s like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, but it’s still not completely gone. She seems sincere in her forgiveness. But he hasn’t earned it. He deserves her hate.

Her forgiveness doesn’t absolve him of his sins. Nothing will.

“I want to show you something,” he mumbles as he stands up, gently dragging her with him.

He doesn’t know how to start opening up to her, he can’t find the right words.

He has to show her. As a start he has to let her see his past, where he came from. He tried before, he let her have part of his thoughts from when he was a teenager. She didn’t know it was him. She didn’t know that the journals she found, conveniently placed somewhere for her to find, was written by him. They didn’t contain the right words either. But they were honest. Everything he wrote in those journals was the truth, and his feelings at the time. He can’t find a way start a conversation with her, so he brings her back into his old bedroom, and gestures towards them on the bookshelf.

She looks confused. Her expression doesn’t change until she takes one of his old journals and opens it. It’s like a light is turned on, something inside her mind clicks. She looks back at him with wide eyes. “You wrote these?” she asks, eyes searching his face for confirmation.

He nods, “If you want to read the rest of them, you can,” he blurts out before he can stop himself.

He wasn’t thinking, not putting up his usual mental guards from keep him from saying things like that, things that would lead to questions he didn’t want to answer.

She puts the journal she picked up back on the self, then stares at it.

“I liked reading the ones I found,” she says as her attention lands on him again, “even the parts filled with sadness and anger, it was still beautifully written.”

He shakes his head at her. It wasn’t. It was what he felt at the time. But it was before he learned how to control his emotions, before he eradicated the weakness within him. And now he has shown her that weakness.

Now that she knows, he can’t take it back.

“You grew up here?” she asks, a bit nervously. His expression must have changed, the feeling inside visible on his face.

He just stares back at her. In the back of his mind he knew she would come to that conclusion, when he showed her his journals in what was obviously the old room of a teenage boy.

He wants to push her away, he wants to walk out of the room. Every fiber of his being is screaming at him to run.

He’s not weak. Even if he loves her, he’s not weak. He can do this. He can.

He takes a step towards her, hesitantly, slowly moving his hands towards her waist. She leans into him allowing him to encapsulate her small form in his arms.

He moves his face into her neck, inhaling the intoxicating scent of her. He can do this. Because of her, he can.

“I lived here until they sent me away to military school when I was sixteen,” he mumbles into her neck. He won’t elaborate too much on that. She doesn’t need to know all the details.

“Was that when you met grandfather?”

Kylo leans back to look at her, “yes,” he nods towards the bookshelf, “your grandfather taught the weak boy I was before to be strong, he helped me become who I am now.”

She doesn’t respond to that, she just studies his face. Her mouth opens and closes a few times, like she wants to say something but can’t find the right words.

Her small hand strokes his back, their deep breaths the only sound filling the space around them for several minutes.

“You don’t like being here?” she asks, breaking the almost comfortable silence.

He just nods. He doesn’t like being here. He wouldn’t have stayed for so long if it hadn’t been because she seemed to like it here.

“We can leave if you want to,” she says. Of course she’ll do something like that, offer to leave a place she likes to please him.

He shakes his head, “no.”

“Why don’t you like being here?”

He knew it would come, her questions. Having a conversation with her, opening up to her, will lead to questions, questions he’s not sure he wants to answer, or find the right way to answer.

“It reminds me of the past.” It holds so many memories, a lot of them good, his mother tucking him in at night and reading him stories, his father taking him out to the garage and letting him help fix the cars, just small things like that is what he remembers most as good. But he also remembers the bad, being left alone because their work, and lives without him, were more important, and the fights they had when he acted out.

He sighs, “I don’t like talking about the past.”

“Then we don’t have to talk about it,” she replies, “it doesn’t matter. I know enough.”

He takes a deep breath, regarding her. She’s so open, so honest. He believes her. He still thinks it does matter. For her to understand him, she needs to know where he comes from.

Her hand moves to his chest, right over his heart, “And I don’t believe you have ever been weak.”

She’s wrong. He was weak before. In some ways he still is, he still has to fight it.

She smiles up at him, her arms stroking over his chest down to his hips, she pulls him closer, resting her head against his chest.

He relaxes. Maybe she’s right. Maybe it doesn’t matter.

“I won’t leave you,” he promises, “and I won’t hurt you again,” he breathes out deeply, placing a kiss to the top of her head, “I love you,” he whispers.

He feels her body relaxing in his arms, she breathes out deeply, like that was all she needed him to say. And maybe it is. Maybe he doesn’t need to say anything else. Maybe he just needs to tell and show her that he cares about her, that he loves her.


End file.
